Secret Agent Josephine

The Exploding Desk story is not as exciting as you think it might be. It was certainly exciting when it happened at 11 o’clock at night when both Toby and I were just passing the peaceful sleeping-baby-hours by cruising the internet and playing on our computers.

It sounded like a bus suddenly fell out of the sky and knocked over a metal bookcase full of glass jars of nuts and bolts. IT WAS CRAZY. I remember sitting here at my breakfast bar desk thinking, we don’t have a metal bookcase. Poor Toby. He about had a heart attack. He was sitting AT the desk when it exploded. It didn’t just shatter either. It shot glass shards in every direction, down the hall and even scared the spaz cat who never leaves her post under the bed. The only spot in his room that wasn’t covered with little pieces of glass was the negative space behind where he was sitting. So that means a sheet of exploding glass bounced off his t-shirt and didn’t cut him! Talk about punch to the gut when you’re not expecting it! He did get a small cut on his forearm but nothing serious.

I can only imagine what might have happened if the baby was awake and toddling around his room when this happened. She could have been blinded for life and won a scholarship to any college of her choice from IKEA. I’m so glad she wasn’t there. Of course it woke her up and she cried bloody murder anyway but that’s to be expected when you’re sleeping peacefully and a bus lands on your house.

That pretty much wraps my story. Desk explodes. Toby finds a big piece of cardboard to cover spot where his keyboard sits and carries on. The end.

We bought the desk seventeen million years ago. We don’t have the receipt. I googled them and found someone to contact at IKEA but that proved absolutely useless as they sent me back an auto-form email saying: nothing, nothing and nothing and something about my email being legally exempt if I share it with anybody. Pffft.

At some point when Toby’s not so swamped with work (on the eleventh of Never), he will probably take some pictures into our local IKEA and see if they’ll do anything. I doubt they will.

In the meantime we are boycotting IKEA and never ever buying anything with a glass top again. EVER!