Secret Agent Josephine

Wow. It’s been an ugly couple of days for me. I am so not proud of how I’ve handled myself. Not that I’ve shared it here but you can read between the lines (Or ask Toby). I guess I could blame it on pms but I hate using that as a cop out. I’m a better woman than that. I can handle my emotions…. sorta, except when people piss me off or I’m hungry or tired or …awake. I wonder why God made us cycle through this? I’m sure the hormones are doing more than just keeping the reproductive organs functioning. I bet it’s part of survival. Perhaps we need to be unhappy for spells so we are forced to make changes. I always come out on the other side of these things feeling like a better person. But it sure is sucky in the meantime. Ups and downs. Ups and downs… it’s just the way life is.

I’m not doing so well without the camera. I didn’t realize how much I used it as a blogging tool. I almost said “crutch” but I don’t really view photography that negatively. I guess I just want to say, my hats off to you writerely bloggers. You have to summon up entertainment out of your own brain for every post. I just take pictures and let them tell me what to write.

Life without a camera has been slowing me down as well as twitter. Twitter is great for me because I love writing in little 140 word blurbs but it also makes me feel incredibly boring sometimes. I mean how many times can I write that I’m eating a waffle or doing dishes? Snore. Snore. Snoresville.

I’m thinking about going out to the sticks. I know I should stay home and do something for mother’s day but I know Toby has nothing planned and I don’t feel like planning something myself. My mother-in-law has an eating disorder (physical not mental) and so that crosses out going to brunch or anything like that. I should plan something nice like a boat ride or I have no idea. I’m soooooooo uninspired. I just want to bang my head on the counter.

What am I doing? I told myself no more of this behavior that I’m ashamed of! Aaagh! Okay. Typing typing typing. I am a happy camper. The sun is shining. The dishes are done. If I don’t look too hard I don’t see the crud in the grout of my kitchen counter tiles. See! I swear my brain is wired wrong some days. Can’t finish a single paragraph without going down to the negs.

I think I’ll just stop and say HAPPY WEEKEND and HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY and aren’t you glad you aren’t hanging out with me lately! See you on the flip side with a smile on, I promise.

Here’s a picture I took a while ago. It looks like one I could have taken tonight (if those pajamas on Baby Bug weren’t in the laundry already). The light was nice at sunset and I found myself thinking, “I better grab the camera…” but then I remembered it’s sandy death yesterday and it made me sad.

I’m also feeling dull and sad and not very bloggeriffic. So if you’re here for a pick-me-up, you might as well stop reading and check back tomorrow. I’m mostly bummed because I am on the flip side of an all-night-black-tea-caffeine-high and I have a mountain of work still to do tonight. Ugh.

Another thing that is bothering me is that I don’t I think the babysitter situation is working out. There is nothing wrong with the babysitter (if you’re reading this Miss Mocha, have no fear, it is not you). It’s a bunch of things. I’m just not very good at scheduling Baby Bug’s naps. When the babysitter gets here, Baby Bug is still clinging to me and carrying on something terrible which makes it impossible to work. I think it is easier for me to just stay up super late every night and try to squeeze work in during her naps. I think I just need to wait a year. Maybe it’s me. Some of my friends make fun of me but I’m going to ignore them and trust my gut.

I wish I knew how to turn the comments off on this post but I don’t. So if you have a brilliant suggestion on how to fix my babysitter situation, just save it. I don’t think I can take any more well wishing suggestions right now. I know. I’m sorry. I suck. I shouldn’t even be blogging about this if I’m not willing to talk about it but it’s one of those things that is clogging my creativity valve. If I don’t blog about it then I have nothing.

I’m just sad and out of sorts. I’ll be better soon. It’s not like I have cancer and I’m dying or anything. Besides the ups aren’t half as fun if you don’t have the lows to compare them to.