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It’s A Good Day To Have A Good Day
Hello Internet People! It is a good day to update this blog! I have so much news but not very much news at the same time. You will be happy to know that I have fully bounced back after my funk of a few months. I feel stronger than ever, and every other day I seem to be changing my avatars to reflect this new crazy blondness I have taken on. It is a brand! Who knew?
It’s brought me so much freedom and joy. Who knew the silliest thing of reversing my coloring would snap me out of my funk? I took something I was proud of (my silver hair and devotion to natural beauty bla bla bla) and shot it all to hell—fried crispy blonde hair—my complete opposite.
It’s temporary. I am plotting the next hair move and checking my roots daily to see if it’s time because I am not re-touching. Nope. I’m cutting it off into a spiky pixie, and I can’t wait for that day. I’ve rocked a pixie before. It’s one of my favorite looks, double chin and all.
But while I’m blonde, I am having more fun! I hate that that saying is true. Why is it that being so unnatural-looking is considered beautiful? Why do men love acid-washed hair? Is it because we conform to a cliched formula that comes out of a bottle, or is it because lighter hair gets my eyes more attention? I’m hoping it’s the latter.
But I am not above pretending to be Marilyn Monroe. Nope. I am shallow and vain and loving every minute. Reading is sexy, no? Especially with a cat on your lap. Don’t even start with the pussy cat jokes…
CC has been in town off and on, and this last week we dressed up and went out to the theatre to see Six. It was SO GOOD. I’ve had a subscription to the South Coast Performing Arts Center for a few years, and lately, getting myself through two acts of singing and dancing has been harder and harder. I don’t know, the last show I went to was Chicago, and it just didn’t do it for me. I was yawning and thinking it was time to go to bed long before intermission. So when CC said she wanted to go to SIX, I was intrigued. She was excited and couldn’t believe I had tickets. So off we went!
Early, of course, because we love to take photos and the theatre is an architectural beauty. I have to say; CC is an excellent photographer. Look at her capturing all those angles and making me look fabulous. We had a blast. My brother has moved on and gotten remarried, but CC will always be family to me. She is my sister for life. Thank you, Brother, for picking such a fabulous girl.
We always have a good time together. After the show, we hit the silent disco (for free!) and took some photos with drag queens because that’s what we do! It was so much fun.
Oh, here is a picture of La Jolla, totally out of context. This is from the weekend after. Bug convinced me to drive her down to La Jolla for no reason at all. I don’t see Bug as much now that she’s seventeen and all grown up with a serious boyfriend, so when she begs me to drive her somewhere, I take advantage of the bonding time. She’s still my girl.
She’s gone now with her dad on their annual trip to Northern California. They plan it every year, and they miss my birthday every year. Last year I put my foot down because I was turning fifty but this year, eh. I don’t care. Fifty-one is no big thing. AND, Matt is coming to visit, so I’m super excited to spend time with him.
Can you believe it? It’s been a year since the “Let’s Get Old and Be Fabulous” party. It was such a flop of a party (I’m only admitting this now because I did not have the funds to throw such a party, and how vain and self-centered could I be?) BUT! I met up with Matt after thirty-some years, so it’s one of the best things that’s come out of my mid-life crisis.
It’s been a crazy year.
I’m working more and more, and two of my clients have me working in their offices, which makes getting work done so much more efficient. I’m still an independent contractor, but having a regular job that I dress up for and kick ass at feels good. I really feel like I’m coming into my own. I’ve worked for myself for ages, but this last year has been pivotal. I think I’m finally respecting myself. It’s a weird concept.
I’ve been listening to Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s new podcast Wiser Than Me , and it’s motivated me so much! I could rattle on for days about the things that have cheered me on. One of her guests said that our fifties are the best years, and I think it’s true. Fifty is such a blessing! It’s old but not decaying yet. It’s the twenties of the older years. It’s so much fun. I’m sure I’ll make a mess of errors just like I did in my twenties, but I will enjoy it.
I only have one day to work for myself, but I am working on my next book, Peg. You know what it’s about: Being rejected and realizing that you are still good, wise, and valuable enough. This is my newest passion that I will take into elementary schools, and I hope I can help kids with this. I know it might be a better book for fifty-year-olds, but I love illustrating kids’ books so that’s what it will be. Just like “It’s Not About You, Little Hoo,” (which is about being left out), this book is another hard lesson turned into a book
It takes me a while to be happy for those hard lessons that slap me in the face, but here I am.
I’m happy again. Thank you, Internet People, for cheering me on. I appreciate you. If you have stories from your fifties, I’d love to hear them! Let’s get old and be fabulous and live to tell the tale!
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the month I hid
Hiding from your blog and social media is nothing new to me. I’ve done it before. Life gets hard; you want to hide from the world. You know how it is, especially for people like me who are supreme people pleasers that can’t handle criticism. I’ve been working on this my whole life, and I thought I’d tackled my worst demons, but they came back in April with a vengeance.
This time I thought about shutting it all down for good. I was going to. I liked the idea of a simple private life. My niece, Rapunzel, and Bug telling me not to for their sake pushed me back. I’ve had a tough month. Work has been arduous, and my trip to Amsterdam ended disastrously. I lost some friendships that meant a lot to me.
I’d love to spill the whole story. I’d love for everyone to chime in and tell me that I did nothing wrong and they don’t deserve me, but it’s not fair to them. I can’t paint a clear picture because I don’t know what really happened. I’m sad and it’s going to take me a long time to get over it. So I can’t write about my Amsterdam trip. It was really fun and I saw a million cool things but right now all I can think about are my hurt feelings so I start and stop and never write anything.
Work has been hard too. Growing pains, corporate politics, learning Microsoft when I’ve worked in Adobe for 500 years. I love my job and I think I’m doing well but you know, I worry about getting fired every other minute. It’s a big culture change for me to not be my own boss. I make so many mistakes. Stupid silly mistakes too. But I also work with people I really like and I’m learning so much.
Kady comforts me. She also annoys me by constantly putting her wet nose on my face, nudging my glasses sideways by trying to pet herself with them, and licking me on the mouth (ew!). Does anyone want an aggressively cuddly cat? Just kidding. I wouldn’t part with her for the world.
Weekends are a new novelty for me. Remember when I would proudly proclaim that every day is Monday and every day is Saturday when you are a freelancer? Now every day feels like Monday, and weekends feel like a mad-dash marathon chore-fest with two minutes of vacation. I savor what I can but I miss my coffee dates, gardening, staring at the golf course, doing laundry whenever I feel like it, clean sinks without dishes, sewing, cooking… yeah, all that stuff. I miss it. But it sure is nice being able to pay my bills. As Kate Moss says, nothing tastes as good as having money feels. Or something like that.
(vase by Bug)
April has also been a busy month for visitors. My fairy godmother, Susan, came to visit. She’s so fun. She took Bug and I shopping at Ross. She always does this. It’s her love language. I bought a bunch of work clothes and Bug bought candy and shampoo. Then we took Susan to the Anaheim Packing District and ate like foodies who’d never heard of calorie restrictions.
We especially love the lanterns
Then this last week, Matt came to visit! We took him down to Doheny Beach, where my parents were camping with Cody (and their cats!), and we had a nice turkey burger dinner that my dad cooked. The weather was crappy, but I love a beach campfire when it’s chilly. We sipped Topo Chico “cheerleader beers” and then had hot chocolate and roasted marshmallows for dessert. It was really fun.
My parents are testing out their camper (Did I tell that whole story about how it got stolen and then they got it back? I need to go dive in the archives and find that story.) because they are taking it to Texas next month for my brother’s wedding. Then they are traveling across the country to a Christian camp in Wyoming and then to harvest in Idaho (my Dad always drives trucks for his family’s beet farm) until November. Cody is living the life! He’s going to have the best summer ever. Camping and hanging out on a farm with lots of kids and room to run. I’m jealous.
And now you are all caught up! How do you like the new blog template? I did it all myself this time, which is why it’s a bit wonky here and there. I don’t love the portfolio template, but… it’s gonna have to do until I find some of that mysteriously elusive free time. I also really need to update my crusty old About pages.
Ta ta!
