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Missing Toby
Okay. I admit it. I think we are finally missing Toby. The fun of eating out at restaurants that Toby doesn’t like and moving furniture around (something Toby hates) has run out. The mice are bored now.
I think I realize why divorce and separation is so hard on kids now. I am the major care giver in the family but you wouldn’t believe how many times Baby Bug has asked for Toby. Every time we come home from an errand or a walk to the beach, she runs back to his office to see if he is there. Every time she is disappointed.
Yesterday, I left the phone on the couch accidentally and she found it. I heard her beeping the buttons and saying, “Are you there Daddy?” into the phone. It nearly broke my heart. He may not change her diapers or help with bath time or even read her stories at night but he is a huge part of her life. She really misses him.
It’s getting harder and harder for me to think of ways to explain that he won’t be home for a while. Does she understand “a few days”? Does someone who counts by skipping from five to thirty understand how long “six more night-nights” is? I don’t know.
I think it’s mostly my fault. I need to get out and do stuff and keep us busy. But you know how it is… pajamas are so cozy when nobody cares what you wear all day long.
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spoiled?
It’s been like Christmas here lately. Every day we’ve been getting new things. Some things, like this easel, I bought but most everything else has come in the mail. We are one bunch of spoiled brats when it comes to getting fun things in the mail. And most of those fun things come from you guys! So thanks a lot you spoiling spoilers!
Just kidding. Of course we LOVE snail mail and I will try to blog about each little wonderful thoughtful thing we have so generously received but it’s going to take some time because, did I say it already? WE ARE SPOILED!!!! And we’ve gotten a lot of things!
While we are on the subject of spoiling, I should add that Toby wasn’t very happy with me regarding the purchase of this easel for Baby Bug. He is away on another business trip and you know how it goes, when the cat’s away the mice will play! By playing, I mean painting of course.
I’ve had it in my head to paint several paintings while he is gone. It’s so much easier to paint and make a mess when he is not around to get after me about cleaning up. Toby hates clutter and while I’m not a very cluttered person in general, I am very cluttery when I’m in the middle of a project. My motto is: I make BIG messes but I clean them up in a big way!
So anyway, I had it in my head that if I got Baby Bug her own easel then she might leave my paints alone. “Ha ha, very funny” you say? It was a thought. I don’t know how well it will work. As you can see I need very little justification to go out and buy Baby Bug something neat and fun to play with. Especially when it only costs twenty bucks! How could I not buy it! Of all people who should have an easel, I think Baby Bug should have one. Right? Right!
Hmph.
Toby does not think so. You know why? Because he thinks she is spoiled. He thinks that she will not feel her talents as an artist are special (Don’t you love how we already assume she is a talented artist?) because she has everything any artist could ever want before she is even old enough to realize that these things are special. He thinks that she doesn’t care where she colors or paints. She draws on the wall, the couch, the floor, on paper, not on paper… etc etc. What’s going to make an easel special to a two-year-old?
Bah Humbug. So maybe he has a point. But this is also coming from the guy who doesn’t think she needs a puppy or a goldfish either. Cold-hearted, I say!
I guess we just have different ways of looking at things. I’m a little short-sighted, thinking about how I am going to get through the day and keep my little busy bee occupied. Toby is thinking of her career as an artist. I say, the easel won’t hurt but maybe I’ll hold off on buying her a laptop. She can use mine. (!)
Toby comes from a very different childhood than I did. I was smothered with gifts even when my parents couldn’t afford them. I remember photos of me at birthday parties sitting in the middle of mountains of presents. Do I remember any of those presents specifically? Maybe. Not really.
Does Toby remember his presents? Yes. When he was ten (not two), his dad gave him a single-reflex camera. I don’t think it was anything fancy. Just an old beat-up Pentax (correct me if I’m wrong Ponnays… Toby is out of phone distance) but that camera was everything to Toby. It still is.