-
The sun always shines through
I’m feeling better already, of course. I shouldn’t blog about these sad times because they always pass and usually pretty quickly. I don’t suffer from depression. I don’t even think I’m mentally ill! (Ha ha! Stop laughing.) I’m just moody. That’s what my mom used to always say anyway. My downs always follow highs and then…looptiloo, I’m looping right back into a high again. Which is great really because my highs are full creativity and they make me very very happy. Even though it might sound like it, I don’t think I’m bi-polar either. I’m just moody and I need to learn to keep it to myself.
Surprisingly, I did keep my sad fog to myself pretty well today (besides telling all you guys of course). Earlier, I turned around from my perch at the breakfast bar counter (aka my desk) and told Toby (who is sitting on the couch watching some incredibly boring show on PBS) that I loved him. Just out of the blue to, you know, keep him on his toes.
He says, “Why? What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say something nice because I’ve been feeling crappy all day and I’m just so happy that I’m not feeling yucky anymore.”
He gets this stricken worried look and says, “You were feeling unhappy today?” He’s thinking, uh oh… I did something wrong and now I’m going to have to sit here and listen to her hash it all out for the next two hours…
Of course I waved him off. He didn’t do anything wrong. There’s no explaining “sad fogs” to Toby. They make no sense to him. Which is fine. I’d rather keep this to myself and my internet friends.
And then I cooked dinner.
Stir fry. I’m sorry to any of my vegetarian friends. I’m sorry I had to show you that dead animal right there.
-
Falling for Fall
I love Fall. I never used to. As a kid, fall meant bulky scratchy ill-fitting sweaters and tights that wouldn’t stay up. It meant school and lots of stay-inside days. In high school, Fall and Winter meant rain and if it rained then the hairspray on my bangs would completely lose all it’s stiffness and my day would be ruined. Oh the horror.
But now I love wearing bulky clothes. I hardly ever wear tights but I love wearing socks. I still don’t really love rain but I could care less what my hair looked like. I love the crisp air in Fall and the blue blue blue skies. I love taking walks with Baby Bug and not feeling drops of perspiration run down my back underneath the baby harness. I love sipping hot drinks and walking on a beach completely bare of tourists. I love thinking about pumpkins and butternut squash soup and warm cozy things like making pies.
Speaking of… I wonder if I’ll be able to pull off making pies now that I have a baby. It was such an achievement for me last year. I think I can do it. And you know why? Because I AM the MASTER MEAL PLANNER!!! [insert cheery tooting kazoo music here] Meal planning rocks. I thought it was a silly idea at first. Just one more thing to fill up my day. I thought it was overkill. I mean what are you going to ask me to do next? Lay out my clothes on the bed the night before and iron my shirts! Enter my receipts into an Excel spreadsheet? That’s just silly talk.
You know what? Meal planning works. It was a very productive exercise to force myself to sit down and think about what I had on hand and what I needed from the grocery store. I usually just wing it and it’s a good thing I’m creative because you know how well winging it works. Then I got out my big fat Joy of Cooking cookbook (that I just happen to be reading these days. I kid you not.) and I picked out one new recipe to try. We have “new recipe night” now. It’s kinda fun. Except I think I’m either allergic to walnuts or I poisoned myself. (I’ll try to link the recipe on my cooking blog and link it here later.)
I feel like such a fake trying to be so domestic but it’s not that bad really. If I’m here being a mom 100% of the time, I might as well embrace all the facets of professional wife-and-momhood and be good at it. It just feels so foreign. I’m not a good cook. I don’t really like to clean. I’d rather spend all my time playing on my computer and making things. But this is what fits around the baby’s nap times and this is what makes my family happy. So I’m going to do the best job I can. And maybe along the way I’ll enjoy it and become a good cook. Imagine that!
Enough about that. Here are some more swing pictures. We have a lot of pictures of Baby Bug in the swing. Mostly because we go to the park EVERY DAY!!! I have to. It keeps me sane. But these pictures are special because I sort of almost got a picture of her peek-a-boo invisible new tooth. It’s there, I can feel it. It just doesn’t really show up well, especially in a gritty slideshow.
