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Skate the Day Away!
Yesterday was not very Valentinetastic for me but then I didn’t really expect it to be. I am, afterall, decidedly single. Bug, however, had a super valentine-tastic day. She got flowers from her dad AND we went ice skating! Wooo Hooo! High fives all around! It was pretty cool if I do say so myself.
The apartment complex we live in emailed out free tickets for one session on Valentine’s Day. I figured we didn’t really have anything much better to do and the sessions are usually quite expensive so why not? The rink is in a nearby outdoor mall and quite small but it’s still charming. And they play music loud so Bug was down with it in spades.
Bug started out hugging the wall all the way around. The ice was really slippery and quite cut up from all the other people skating. I tried a few rounds myself and even though I can roller skate decently, I had to go back and change skates to a smaller size. I just felt so wobbly and scared that I was going to fall and break something.
It’s a whole new ballgame of worries when you’re 40 and you have crappy medical insurance with a super-high deductible. My Dad broke his arm when I was a baby from ice skating so I always have that in the back of my mind. The smaller skates helped a lot but after a half hour of skid-sliding around, I thought I better sit it out and cut my losses. So I grabbed my camera and tried to capture the fun that Bug was having instead.
Don’t let the half smile-smirk fool you. She was loving it.
Things got exponentially better when her friend showed up. They are both so tiny and mighty with their personalities that are bigger than they are. They trekked and slid around that little rink over and over and over. They got pretty good at it and soon were doing their little shuffle-skate moves in the middle, far away from the floundering beginners at the wall.
Three hours passed and they were still going strong.
Here’s a little video of Bug doing her thing:
Not quite skating but getting around none the less.
The interesting part for me was that I forgot my phone at home. In the olden golden days this would be no big deal but just like everybody else on this planet these days, I have gotten quite addicted to all the fun aps and social media connections that I can check into every other minute. Being forced to sit there and people-watch hour after hour was really mind-opening.
I apologize for opening up the dark side of my life on this post but you know it’s been there lurking. You’ve probably been wondering how I’m doing when I don’t blog. Among many other reasons (like being busy or boring or lazy…) I’ve been going through some “stuff” lately. Every time I find myself in a low place and tears start to flow, I have to remind myself that there is a giant iceberg of hurt inside me and it’s going to take a long long time for all that to melt.
I always think I’m so strong and I can just buck up and get over things in a snap but I’m fooling myself. You don’t get over stuff in a snap. You just think you do and then it creeps back in disguised as some other disappointment and before you know it the dam breaks and you’re crying buckets. Not over the small disappointment but over the years of disappointment. Anyway. That is too sad and too depressing to wallow in. I just wanted to say it because if I think of the iceberg melting, it makes me think that maybe I’m making progress. That maybe someday I’ll melt this damn thing.
Sitting there watching all the Valentine couples skating around and nearly falling on their cute little I’m-out-on-romantic-date-outfitted butts was a good exercise for me. I wasn’t that jealous of them. They were funny and silly and they made me smile. I didn’t have my phone or food or Netflix to escape into so I just sat there and thought about where I am in my life and where I want to be and how I want to be a better mom to the one and only most important person in my life. I could go into that more but this post needs to wrap up.
So this morning when Bug woke up and could hardly move her legs because they were so sore from skating, I had to smile with pity. Poor thing. They had had a Jump Rope For Heart jump-roping session at her school earlier on Valentines and then adding all that skating really did her in. So it’s no wonder my brain is a little sore. Ice melting is hard work too.
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Stupid Day
Today was such a stupid day. Nothing went terribly wrong other than the the fact that my Dad has a blood clot from his knee to his groin and I’m worried sick about him.
(They are traveling. He’s not in the hospital because they don’t have insurance right now (long story) so of course I’m worried sick about him.
My Dad is very upbeat. He always is. He’s leaving everything up to God. I wish I was more like him. I just know that if something happened to my Dad I would cry forever. I take him for granted so often. I hate getting old and thinking about my parents health failing. But such is life.
Anyway that is not why today was stupid. I’m sure it had some underlying affect on my overall mental condition but there is nothing I can do to help my dad right now so I’m trying to compartmentalize my worry into a little box.)
Today is Wednesday which means I volunteer in Bug’s class. I’ve never worked out at the gym right before volunteering so today was a first. I get sweaty in those Zumba classes and I knew I would smell badly if I went directly from my workout to the classroom so I made the decision to shower at the gym. I see lots of women doing it. I figured I could pull it off. I’m a no-nonsence kind of girl. I like to go camping. I figured I could swing it, no problem.
I was so wrong.
I forgot my shoes. Nothing went as planned.
First of all my clothes got a little wet in the shower because there was no place to put them out of the way of the shower spray. There was a little shelf but it was in the shower and there was no way to direct the shower head away from it.
Second, I had to hurry like mad because there were women waiting right outside for me. A line of them! There was a little curtain between us but they could see me through the cracks. Nothing like eyeballs to make you feel the pressure. I felt like I was in middle school all over again.
I made it out of the shower alive but then I realized I forgot to bring a regular sized towel and a hair dryer. I peeled my clothes on over my wet body but then I had to deal with my hair. All I had was my little sweaty workout towel. I dried off the best I could but my hair was dripping! Thankfully, I had a few rubber bands and I remembered Whoorl’s top knot trick but I still looked like I was trying to be Madonna or something with a skintight wet ponytail. Not my best look.
And then there was the issue of my shoes. I had to wear my running shoes with a skirt because I forgot my mary janes that I had planned to wear. Running shoes with a skirt!!! At least my skirt was sort of sporty with rusching and a drawstring but still! I never wear workout shoes with dresses. Ugh. That’s just not my style. I don’t live in New York and it’s not the eighties.
So I pulled myself together, hid under my many bags and beelined it to my car. I tried not to count how many cute guys were coming and going to the gym through the same big entry way that I had to pass through but there seemed to be quite a few of them. They were all probably ten years younger than me and wouldn’t have noticed me even if I did look like a hot Bahama mama but still. I felt so stupid. Wet slicked back hair and running shoes–ugh!
I didn’t have much time but I decided I could NOT go to Bug’s class looking like that. I can die a thousand deaths of humility but I can’t force that on her too. I drove home as fast as I could, whipped up the stairs and changed shoes. I changed out of my now wet shirt and into another dry one. Then I blew dry the front of my hair and kept the tight top knot. I was passable.
I rushed over to Bug’s school and then stood there in the parking lot trying to remember what time I’m supposed to be volunteering. Was it ten? Ten-thirty? I have so many time slots going through my head, I can’t keep anything straight. And then there was that last time when I went too early and interrupted the class when the teacher was being observed by the principal. That was terrible! I think I’m starting to develop an anxiety disorder over volunteering because for some reason I keep blocking out what the time is that I’m supposed to be there.
I gathered my courage and knocked on the door. Of course all the kids were sitting on the floor listening to a story and I completely interrupted everything, AGAIN. I swear, there is no sneaking in and out of that classroom. It’s like the door is the stage or something and I get stage fright every time I have to go through it.
I snuck to the back of the room to where the teacher usually has a little folder with instructions for volunteers. It wasn’t there. Everything was weird. I felt the world closing in around me. I didn’t know where to go. I probably should have interrupted Bug’s teacher but she had just launched into a story about penguins and I knew it would be horrible. I couldn’t stand the thought of all those little eyeballs on me while we sorted out the mix-up.
Plus, I had a craft post due today and trying to get craft posts photographed before the sun goes down on these short winter days is like trying to beat a noon deadline on a breaking news story. The pressure!
I broke. I felt like I was going to cry. I rushed out of the classroom and went home. I shouldn’t have. When I picked Bug up later she was really disappointed that I didn’t show. So was her teacher. I’m sure I threw a wrench into her schedule.
And to make matters worse my craft project turned into the craft project from hell. I shouldn’t have left myself only one day to figure it out but I don’t get paid enough to work on it for two days so I always do this to myself. It’s sink or swim. I feel like I’m sinking.
I guess you’ll see tomorrow when it posts on Alpha+Mom.
