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Crickets
I just wanted to pop in here in the spirit of the way I used to write and post a little update on my mental health. Things have been hard. But haven’t they been hard for everyone? I think we are all suffering PTSD from 2020 and worried 2021 is going to serve up another regular daily diet of fear. I’m not going to check myself into a mental hospital or anything and I’m still eating and sleeping and taking care of my kids like a normal functioning human being, but it’s just been a little hard.
Something that has helped me: crickets.
We have new neighbors. They are renters. They are here on a tennis scholarship. They are from Belgium, Germany, Spain and a few other places I don’t remember. There’s five of them I think. They are also full-on ravers. If I wasn’t trying to sleep I would actually really dig the music the deejay of the group spins nightly. He’s really good. Like Avicii good. Even though I can only hear the base and a few other rhythms, I catch my mind listening interested. Unfortunately, they are hot-blooded males driven by their animal instincts and not the fear of covid that I am and their nightly raves involve lots of people (girls) coming over to party. Thankfully the raves are reserved for Friday nights, I think… we’ll see if it kicks up again tonight. So when they open the door for a smoke break or for someone to puke, it’s super loud and difficult to sleep through.
I don’t hate them though. Payam has talked with them and asked them nicely to turn down the music and they do. Sometimes they only turn it down from a ten to and eight but they do listen. We have their cell numbers and they always apologize the next day. So we don’t hate them. They are just kids.
But what I’ve learned to do to help this situation is to use a white noise app on my phone. I’ve used white noise lots of times but recently I’ve really enjoyed the sound of crickets. It’s so weird and cool. I turn them on and I’m immediately transported back to my trailer-living days in the sticks. It’s night, the air is warm and dry. It’s dark outside but I can see my tomato garden in the moonlight. I’m laying in bed with Bug snuggled next to me and Holly, the dog is sleeping at my feet. Her tail thumps when I say her name.
Even though the days that I lived in the sticks were super scary and stressful (you remember them, you read them. Hello, meth head neighbors…) I have a lot of fond memories. Even the cockroaches that scurried in all directions when I lifted an old rotted piece of plywood in the backyard brings back good memories. Yes, it was terrible at the time but I survived and I found strength in my desperate situation. I know I will find strength in my new desperate situation. I rest in that thought and gently fall asleep.
Isn’t that cool? Who knew crickets could bring that out in me? I love the sound of crickets. I bet everyone has a sound like that, that transports them to another time. It’s kind of like how smell transports us back to our Grandma’s cooking. Nostalgia. We love nostalgia. All the trauma of the past is hidden and we remember the good times with a warm happy glow.
I’m curious. Does anyone else find funny memories flooding back when they listen to different sounds on a white noise generating app? Please share. I think I might listen to them all and record my memories. If I don’t fall asleep first!
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New Year, New You, With Spots!
We all knew there was too much pressure on 2021.
(I’ll skip talking about politics because even though it’s a huge big deal that’s not what I do here.)
I started the new year out with SPOTS! Woo Hoo! I had an ear infection on Christmas. Payam pulled major strings with his mad phone skills (that’s what he does all day for his job) and called my doctor for me while I pulled on my ear like a baby and tried to sleep with hot compresses. The doctor came through with a super strong prescription for antibiotics, probably from his cabin in Aspen or moonlighting at the local ER as a superhero, and I started off the new year with meds!
Nine* days into my prescription to Amoxicillin, my earache was long gone but I broke out in hives and tried to itch my skin off. I’m so glad I shared on instagram even though it was TMI because people came out of the woodwork to say that the same exact thing happened to them. What a relief to be able to narrow this allergic reaction down so quickly. I had a lot to work with: pet dander from an over-achiever golden retriever who sheds enough to knit sweaters daily, a new bra from China that I failed to wash before wearing, msg in all that take-out… There were a million things I could be allergic to, mold, plants with gnats, politics, stress, Google… All of the above?
Anyway it was craaaaaaazy! I’m already a sort of nervous person to begin with. When I have anxiety I become obsessed with my rough cuticles and any little itch or bump on my body so add in some hives and I was literally crawling out of my skin. I hate to take naps but I dosed myself with Benadryl and tried to sleep it away. I’ve been asleep for the past four days. It was the only way to cope.
Monday morning hives started forming on my lips and mouth so I freaked out and went to the ER even though it’s the last place on earth I want to be right now. Thankfully at six in the morning our local ER was not over-flowing with COVID patients. I got in quickly. They gave me a shot of Benadryl in my tattooed arm and I slept. Then the ER did get busy (It’s heart breaking. The doctor checking on me was so stressed out.) and since I was not going into anaphylactic shock they discharged me with some steroids and I went home. I’m really thankful. That could have been a lot worse.
I stood behind an old women in line when I checked in who was obviously suffering from breathing problems. The halls were filled with nurses wearing full head gear and dividers were set up keeping rooms separate…even though our little ER is really nice and new, I could tell they had been in the trenches and were effectively bracing for more.
Now I’m all pumped up on steroids and feeling like Trump (gross, I know). My spots have faded into softer versions of themselves. I probably look like I’m covered in bruises but they don’t hurt and they are only on parts of my body that don’t show so I don’t care. No itching is heavenly!
So just a quick new year check in from me! Sorry it’s so personal when so many other more important things are happening in the world.
Happy 2021! I don’t think I’m going to do a calendar this year. I’ve started several. But I really want to do a different format. I hardly use the full page full of boxes layout anymore. Do you? I want to make a day planner but I have not found a template that lets me customize the art on every page and I really don’t feel like formatting 356 pages. There’s got to be something out there. I know I’m a million months too late but who knows, work might get slow again.
How are you doing my faithful loyal internet friends? Cathy, Gingermog and Susan and a few other lurkers who comment now and then? How do you even find me anymore? I don’t deserve you.
I’ve been writing snail mail letters to friends lately and it’s really been helpful. It’s funny how a phone call or a text just doesn’t do it for me but pounding out a two-page letter is incredibly therapeutic. Blogging after all these years is still my therapy. Thank you.
*I missed a few days and I’m terrible at math.
