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Pictures as Promised
Just like he said he would, my dad came home from jury duty and installed a new motion-sensor light in my backyard laundry area. It’s wonderful. When I walk around the corner the lights automatically come on for me and I no longer have to blindly swipe through the cobwebs to find the plug for the existing fluorescent light that plugs into a power strip that connects to an extension cord that runs from inside the house somewhere. I know it sounds Mickey Mouse. It is.
As you may remember, I’m living in my grandpa’s old place and everything has been rigged by him. He was the master inventor and also the original MacGyver. Well, not really but sometimes I wonder. Most of his inventions are very handy but sometimes they leave me scratching my head. Really, Grandpa? You strung a wire from here all the way to there and never worried about fire hazards? But hey, who has Christmas lights in their pantry? I do!
As my dad was futzing around with the wires on the motion-sensor light, he let out a familiar frustrated sigh. When I asked him what was wrong, he didn’t even have to answer. We both chorused the same phrase we always say over any project we do around this house.
“Nothing is as easy as it seems.”
It’s almost a formula for the jobs my dad sets out to do here. He’ll look at something, declare it an easy fix he can do in an afternoon and then head off to the hardware store for parts. Then he comes home and starts working. Right away he finds out the part he bought is the wrong part and back to the hardware store he goes. Half the time the hardware store people give him the wrong advice and the other half of the time it’s just the house’s fault for being old and incompatible with everything new. In the end he always manages to fix everything in the nick of time before he has to go back out on the road but everything always takes longer than he anticipated and he’s always late going back to work. His dispatcher hates me, I’m sure. I should probably bake him some cookies.
Here is the floor my dad painted for me. I was going to take before photos of the water-damaged plywood because it was so awful I thought it might make a good background if I ever needed some stock art for a grunge/punk design job. True, I don’t have very many grunge/punk clients, but you never know. It’s always good to have a big library of background images on hand.
But then my dad surprised me and painted it while I was gone. I had told my mom that painting the floor was on my big important list of things to do. I was actually thinking of painting it something like this but I was procrastinating because the floor was in such bad shape. I knew it was going to take me forever to get it clean enough to paint. So I casually had mentioned to my mom that if my dad wanted to paint the first coat, I wouldn’t mind a bit.
Of course my mom took my casual request as something that must be done right away for their favorite paying renter and had my dad do it the minute he got home. So I’m not going to complain at all about the color or for not giving me a warning first. It’s cleaner and now I can send guests off to the restroom without having to apologize for the floor that might give them leprosy. Eventually I think I’m just going to put some groovy 70’s linoleum in there. The stenciled-floor idea is really fun and I’d love to do that someday but I know I’m not going to get to it. I have do other things, like work so I can keep paying my rent to my favorite landlords. Maybe I’ll let Bug go crazy with some pink paint.
She seems to be in charge of the rest of the decor.
What I really want to get rid of are those hanging-chain light fixtures. But they are not on my big important list of things to do. I’m sure if I fixed them then I’d want to change the counter and put in new faucets too and before you know it I’d be blowing so much money on this place I’d be stuck here forever. For now I am getting along just fine with my mint-green floor and my avocado-green tub.
Mostly because I am still on cloud nine over my oven.
I’ve found that one can put up with a lot of things when one is surrounded by family one loves and an oven that bakes tasty treats. And yes, I did send my Dad off with a great big bag of cookies and homemade dinners that he can eat on the road. He earned them!
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Bam! Boom! New Art!
My office badly needed art. There was this giant 1-inch hole smack dab in the middle of the wall that looked horrible, it did nothing for the paneling from 1977. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what the giant hole was from. A flat screen tv?
No, my mom never had one and before that my grandparents lived here. They certainly wouldn’t be hanging any flat screen tv’s back in 1989. It was probably from some invention my Grandpa tinkered up. He’s got wires and holes all over this place. Christmas lights in the pantry? Check. Indoor/Outdoor thermometer wired up between the two front windows? Check. Handy dandy gadget that ding dongs every time there is mail in the mailbox? Check. My Grandpa was an undiscovered genius.
Anyway, I’ve been desperately wanting to put up something big on this office wall since I moved in. Only one problem: big art usually comes with a BIG price tag. Even just buying a large canvas can set you back a couple of hundred dollars. I did find a giant canvas at a thrift store but it had this horrible peach south-western motif on it in three inch relief. I suppose I could have sanded the crud down but I had another idea.
Why not paint the four canvases I already have on hand! (My mom is the best. Whenever she sees canvasses on sale, she buys them for me.) The end result is not quite as big as I had in mind but it’s certainly better than the old white paneling with it’s ever-mocking 1-inch hole. It was screaming at me. I had to take care of it.
So late one evening after I’d just enjoyed a cup of coffee a little too late and Bug was whining to go to bed two hours too early (Yes, my kid begs to go to bed as soon as it gets dark. She’s insane.) I decided we’d whip up a masterpiece. Nothing too daunting. Just some stripes.
Some really loud and exciting stripes! I do like drab normal colors too but, I don’t know, I just wanted something fun and exciting in my office. Something to offset the miles and miles of sand-gray paneling. Also, this didn’t feel like too big of a commitment. Painting stripes doesn’t take too terribly long and I could always paint over it if I didn’t like it. I love my paintings to have lots of texture and I figured maybe someday I’d paint some funny cartoon characters on top of the stripes and sell them in my shop if I get tired of them.
AND! Stripes are something Bug could help me with. Her stripes are not perfect, of course. She’s only almost five. But I wasn’t going for perfect. Her little touches make it special. Perfect would have taken forever. I would have had to tape each stripe and then waited the hour or two it takes for the paint to dry in between each stripe. I have no patience for that! I wanted this art done now. Besides I love extra texture. Bring on the blobs and drips. That’s what makes it fun.
Wham bam done!
Then as I was washing the paint off our glass plates (that I used as last ditch palettes since I’m fresh out of paper plates) I sort of felt sad for all the perfectly good paint going down the drain. It was so pretty as it swirled in the sink. There must be some way I could save all this beautiful pigment.
I decided to grab the two other canvases that I was going to paint with stripes too and create large dripping swatches of stripes instead. My friend Deb paints with watered down acrylic paint all the time, so why couldn’t I? I have to say I was so pleasantly surprised! A painting this pretty should not be this easy!!! It’s like I cheated. Three or four swooshes and I was done. I mean, I could have hemmed and hawed for a few hours and thought long and hard about what color would drip into what color but why? These crazy sink impromtu pieces look great to me! What do you think?
I could shellac it with a few coats of resin, call it “Desert Sunrise,” hang it in a fancy gallery and charge $5000. OR I could just admit that it took me five minutes and sell it for five bucks. Five cents? Art is so weird. Anyway, it makes me incredibly happy and I’m hanging it on my wall, so that’s all that matters.
Wham bam, thank you ma’am.
I call it: Office Wall DONE.
That is until I get tired of it in about 2.5 weeks. Which is totally fine since I’ll probably be itching to paint again by then anyway.