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Sister Forever Friend
I had a crappy weekend this last weekend. I felt like I had no friends in the world which is the absolute stupidest thing ever because I have a lot of friends. I have all you guys. I have really good friends that I’ve spent years making. I have friends who will let me stay at their houses at the drop of a hat and have me over for coffee, who will take my kid for a sleepover without asking any questions. I have really really good friends who love me. So why was I feeling like a sad sack of pathetic?
You know how it is when you have drama in your life and you just feel like there’s nobody you can share it with because they’ve all heard it all already and they’re waiting for you to wake up and smell the coffee already? You don’t know who to turn to because it’s impossible to catch everyone up on the minute details that make you tick the way you tick and you’re just exhausted already trying to explain it? You know that feeling?
So I sat in my car for four hours not knowing where to go or who to call or what to do. I prayed to God to send me somebody to make the sadness go away but nobody came. That wasn’t what God wanted for me obviously. There I was waiting in my car for some miracle to happen, some magical mystical adventure to unfold and there was nothing. Just quiet and netflicks on my iphone which is actually pretty cool. But still I felt pathetic.
Somehow I got through it and the weekend went by. Weekends are always hard for me as you probably know due to my pending divorce and shared custody with someone who has always been a huge part of my life. Someone who is also a good friend which makes it even harder sometimes.
We came home and there was a package in my mailbox. A package with no return name, a familiar address in somewhat familiar handwriting.
Inside was a necklace from my brother. My brother. My brother doesn’t send me packages. It was really weird.
I don’t talk about my brother much outside of being annoyed at him from time to time when he comes to visit and messes up my house. And there’s the fact that he’s the father of my two nieces who I love to pieces and the husband of my dear sister-in-law. We have our moments but we kind of just take each other for granted. We don’t talk all that much. Not because we don’t love each other but because we don’t really have that much in common. He’s a mechanic. He listens to country music and likes to drive big red trucks. You know how it is. We just don’t really get each other.
Except that we do. We get each other on a deeper unspoken level. Not like twin-speak or anything but I just don’t really have to tell him much for him to understand what I’m going through. I don’t know if that’s why he bought me this necklace. I was all worried that he spent a fortune that he doesn’t have on it but he told me it only cost him fifteen bucks and he was just thinking of me.
So I’m wearing it every day.
It says “Sisters are forever friends” on it which kind of cracks me up because I don’t have a sister. I have a brother.
And he is my forever friend.
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Some honesty
I have to admit this book tour has been kicking my butt. It doesn’t seem like I’m doing much. Just throwing up a graphic every weekday and then resting on my accolades but I don’t know…I’m not really doing so great at it. I got my schedule all mixed up. I missed emailing some key players, I’ve been getting people the secret sentences at the very last minute and sometimes even hours after that. I’ve been dropping the ball, regularly. Work, books, life…everywhere. I was even late to pick up Bug from kindergarten today and I had promised myself I would NEVER do that.
You should see my desk right now. It’s a complete mess. Maybe I’ll take a picture tomorrow when it’s daylight because I probably won’t have it cleaned up by then. That’s the way the days have been going. But in a way, I’m thankful. I prayed for work and I got it. I’m not rolling in paychecks but I’m making ends meet and I’m busy. It’s a lot to be thankful for.
Winter has been hard on my sense of optimism as I’m sure it has on yours too. The days are so short! It feels like it’s eight when it’s FOUR! How are we ever supposed to get anything done? Well. At 3am of course. That’s why I drink coffee.
But coffee is killing me.
I tried to take some Christmas photos for a card that I was going to print up this week and mail out next but I couldn’t get a single shot of Bug and me where I didn’t look like a hot mess. Of course she is darling in every single shot but I look like I’m old and drunk with bloodshot eyes that even photoshop can’t fix. I know I could just put a photo of her on the card and call it a day but I vowed to embrace getting older. I don’t want to hide from my wrinkles and gray hairs. Women can be beautiful at any age, I’ve always thought.
I just didn’t know I would look so scary at 39!!
(I like this one the best.)So I gave up after a while and vowed to drink a lot of water, drink less coffee and get more sleep. You can see how well that’s working for me. I’m typing this at 2:58 am.
Anyway! The book tour is chugging along. I am so grateful for all my friends and co-bloggers who are saying such nice things about my books. I really don’t deserve it or them. And before you correct me and say that all my hard work is paying off let me correct you and say that my work is nothing in comparison to how kind my friends (and family!) have been to me lately.
They’ve picked me up when I’ve been crying. They’ve given me attitude adjustments when I felt like a failure. They’ve pushed me when I just wanted to give up. They’ve watched Bug for me when I had deadlines. They’ve let me stay at their houses when I had nowhere to go…They’ve nodded when I didn’t have the words. They’ve fed me and Bug when we were hungry. They’ve told me that it’s been a hard year and it’s okay to feel like this. Sometimes I guess I need to hear that because I keep wondering why I’m not doing better than I am.
The autographing party went off smashingly! I didn’t actually autograph any books though. Funny how that happens. You set a date, you get everything ready and then you get in a room with your good friend, good food, a glass of wine and next thing you know you are spending the night talking instead of working.
This is Calee, my publisher, friend, book-maker extraordinaire.
She made soup. That’s kind of awesome, isn’t it? I thought I would order a pizza but she said she had some vegetables that had needed “souping”. How funny is she? Vegetables that needed souping. I wasn’t going to say no to that. If vegetables gotta be souped, they gotta be souped! She saved me $20 and got me to be healthy at the same time. It was quite tasty. I wish I had the urge to soup vegetables now and then. I might have to work on that.
Bug was a little disappointed at the soup instead of pizza (and potato soup at that, the crime of it!!) but it was nothing a few thousand olives couldn’t fix.
Besides all the soup-eating, olive-eating and merry-making, we did get a lot of things organized and the kids had a blast painting.
A little too close to the books for my liking but thankfully no books were marred! A few paypal invoices might have taken one for the team but what can I say? It kept the kids busy and happy and out of our hair!
Today I actually did autograph all the books and I sent them off as promised (yay!). Bug worked very hard at hers. I love that a few readers requested her signature.
She takes it very seriously, adding flowers and hearts and clouds. She is an eternal bright spot. Talk about God knowing what you need when you need it….
Did you know she makes me coffee? She might be a bit of an enabler but who could say no to that face and a cup of hot steaming coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar? Not me!!
You should see her holding the cup with a towel so it doesn’t burn her and walking so slowly to my desk so that she doesn’t spill. My heart explodes every time.
