My internal clock is whacked right now. For the past month or so I’ve been falling asleep at eight in the evening. It would be six-thirty or seven if I let myself. I can barely fix dinner and watch one episode of CSI before I’m nodding off. It’s embarrassing! I’ve always been a freakish morning person but I could usually manage to stay up until at least nine-thirty. Now, as soon as the sun goes down, I’m longing for my cozy night gown and my soft bed. Seven minutes after my head hits the pillow, I’m asleep like a rock.

Then mysteriously at three in the morning, I wake up as if it was the beginning of a new day. My eyes are so wide open they bug right out of my head. I used to fight it. I’d lie in bed, trying to be as still as possible for hours. It was miserable. Every bone in my body ached and no matter how much I tossed and turned I couldn’t get back to sleep. Now I get up. I have a bowl of cereal and start my day. There’s no use fighting it. I still get my required seven hours of sleep.

I’m just a freak.

I’m hoping it’s just my body getting ready for a baby. I really hope my new schedule meshes with her’s.

It’s six in the morning and I am afraid. I am afraid of the Third Tri-Monster (echo: monster… monster… monster….). Yesterday I took my regular walk to the beach and it took me an hour an a half! An hour and a half!!!! That’s twice as long as it should take. Back in the day ( oh those hazy days of pre-pregnancy glory, when I used to have a skinny neck and only one chin) the walk used to take 45 minutes tops. Now it’s taking me an hour and a half! What is going on with me? Why am I so slow?

Why does every step hurt? If I go too fast I get shin splints. I asked my doctor why I would get shin splints and she answered me as if that was the stupidest question on the planet. Well, duh, it’s the extra weight you’re carrying around. I always thought getting shin splints had to do with not drinking enough water. So I’ve been guzzling and it does seem to help but on those days that I eat pizza the night before… I’m toast. It’s shin splint carnival the whole way to the beach and back. I have to stop and rest at least three times along the way.

I shouldn’t really complain. I’m still walking. I’m still out and about. I went to the mall with Toby yesterday (which is a whole day exercise when it comes to shopping with Toby) and I was fine…. well mostly. After a while I started to think that the space between my legs, you know where my hoo-haw is, was starting to stretch. It probably is. But it’s a creepy feeling. And it’s not something you can really bring up in conversation.

As I’m sunk into the deepest chair in the shoe store, waiting for Toby to examine his fifty-ninth pair of suede shoes that are not quite the right color, I answer the sales women’s questions with a smile. I really want to say, “I’m dying! My hoo haw is stretching and I feel like I’m made of rubber. I’m turning into Gumby with a bowling ball attached to my stomach. If I’m not careful the bowling ball is going roll over my legs and I’ll roll right over all these crazy shopping people.” But I don’t. I just keep it to myself and pretend I am the “glowing pregnant woman”. Everybody loves to hear that you feel great. Nobody wants to hear about your hoo haw.

But that was yesterday. Today I am up at the crack of dawn trying to get up enough gumption to go on my morning walk. I’m afraid it’s going to be harder than yesterday. I mean, I am really afraid. Like jitters in my stomach before a job interview afraid. I don’t want to have a bad day. Bad days lead to “all-or-nothing thinking” and “all-or-nothing thinking” leads to crying… and I hate the crying….I wish I had a personal coach to cheer me on. I can’t stop walking yet. I have two and a half more months to go. I need to keep walking for one more month.