You know what I think? I think she crawled back in deeper this morning. I woke up with the distinct feeling of a bum being pressed up against my ribs, really hard. I think she doesn’t want to come out.

I went to bed thinking positive thoughts. Toby went on and on last night about how mysterious hormones are and how sometimes you can affect them with your thoughts. We both agreed that was a pretty new-agey idea but we spent the last four years trying to get pregnant and more mysterious theories have been contemplated. Toby said if I was stressing out about bright florescent lit hospital rooms and scary sharp needles and cold clinical doctors then maybe the baby was picking up my bad mojo thoughts and maybe that was hindering the natural hormone process.

So I went to bed with thoughts of opening flowers and butter melting and lots of good happy cheery warm receptions with hot chocolate and apple pie…. I drifted off to sleep with the feeling that I was opening up every lock in my body…

AND THEN I HAD A NIGHTMARE!!!

I dreamt the I was in a horror movie! There were a bunch of us stuck in some kind of haunted house and we were all trying to get out of this house that was eating us with it’s walls! What kind of crazy dream is that? The doors and windows were all locked and we were all trying to cut ourselves out through the walls with machetes and hack saws. But the further we hacked into the sheet rock and insulation, the more skeletons of others who’d tried to escape we’d find! It was terrible! If my thoughts can trigger hormones to release, then that dream will probably scare her back in until February!

And sure enough, at my doctor’s appointment today, the doctor said there was absolutely no progress. None, zip, nada.