• domesticity,  Family Matters,  raving lunatic rant

    Home Sweet Home

    home sweet tricycle

    It’s good to be home. I could moan and complain about how I don’t have a dishwasher or a washing machine or even air conditioning and how much I’m going to miss all those lovely things during this long hot dirty summer now that I’m back to my humble apartment with horrible carpeting BUT life is not so bad, you know?

    Toby is a bit of a lecturer with me. I don’t know if it is because he’s six years older than I am and much wiser or if he just likes to hear himself talk. Sometimes I think the latter, but at least he likes to talk to me, right? He has a lot of good things to say that have really helped me grow up. I must add that I am one of those people who always feels profoundly young. Not in the youthful, picture-of-health way but more in the I-was-born-yesterday-and-I-feel-like-I-have-no-clue-what’s-going-on way. And amazingly, some of his lectures sink in.

    Appreciating what I have and making the best of it is one of the things Toby has taught me.

    First a little history: When we first got married both of us cooked. We took turns and made a lot of cheesy quesadillas in the microwave. We had “Fend-For-Yourself Nights”. It worked and we got by. Then Toby quit his old job to become a successful and very busy photographer. We still did things jointly. Toby is a great cook so it was fun.

    Many years later I decided I wanted to taste the luxury of being a freelancer too. Why does he get to stay home all day and work? I thought. Unfortunately, my business didn’t quite take off as quickly as his did. I had a lot of down time between jobs and I wasn’t making enough money to pay my half of the bills so I started doing all the cooking to make up for my lack of contribution. Toby was busy. I needed to support him this way.

    Mind you, I hate cooking. I’m just no good at it. I’m not terrible. I’m just not one of those creative types who likes to invent things in the kitchen. I invent cooking disasters and channel my creativity everywhere else. I have no brain for chemistry and I have never understood the beauty of a white sauce. Sauce schmauce. If you have to eat goopy stuff, I say, go out to eat!

    dishes forever

    But sadly, Toby is one of those freaks who doesn’t like to eat in restaurants. He thinks about germs too much and doesn’t enjoy eating with the general public. Mostly, I think he just thinks that food tastes better at home. He might be right.

    Slowly over the years I have acquired a small list of recipes that I can do well. There are about ten of them. They get us by. I read a lot of foodie blogs and I keep hoping some of their enthusiasm and creativity in the kitchen will wear off on me but they haven’t. Cooking is still a chore.

    So what does Toby have to do with that? Well, he still thinks I should cook every night even if my cooking is not the greatest. I know, what a slave-driver, right? But I agree with him. Restaurants can be pricey and I don’t really need the hidden calories. I also have the luxury of staying home and not working so part of my job is to run the household and make the food. Sometimes I feel like all I do around here is make the food but it can get sort of zen-like after awhile if I psych myself up enough. It’s a process. It’s something I do because I love my family.

    I’m getting so terribly far away from my point but my point is this: Toby said something a while back in one of his lectures about the housing crash (his favorite topic) that made me think. He said people can become accustomed to anything. This can be really bad like prisoners becoming accustomed to torture in concentration camps, or it can be sort of bad like working every second of the day to pay off a miserable mortgage, or it can be good like exercising regularly. It might suck in the beginning but over enough time you will learn to think of your circumstances as normal. And in the end, you might even learn to love what you have suffered for.

    Now this is extremely true for me in two things: Breastfeeding and cooking every night. I am SO PROUD of those two achievements. I will sing my own praises from the mountaintops and not even care how dumb I might sound because I am so amazed at my own hard work. It’s true.

    I HATED hated HATED breastfeeding. It hurt, it caused immense anxiety and it didn’t work very well. My baby didn’t even seem interested half the time, there were problems galore and I cried and cried and cried…but I did it. Toby forced me to, really. No, he didn’t hold me down and physically force me to wake up in the middle of the night to feed my child, but his opinion on these matters means a lot to me. He felt it was best for our baby, and in the end, months and months later, I finally agreed with him. And now, I’m one of those moms who would recommend it highly. I’m not going to become a Nazi lactation nurse but I will say, where there is a will there is a way. It’s just a long way sometimes.

    new bugs for Bug

    The same is true for cooking. I still don’t love it and I really really love just getting a cheeseburger now and then BUT I’m proud that my family eats at home every night. When I hang out with my extended family and they turn to fast food because they haven’t planned out a weekly meal, you should hear how irritating I can be because I think my own meal-planning skills are the greatest thing ever. Of course, I’m just as guilty of drowining my hunger in a bag of french fries as the next person, but I’m a solid believer in putting out the effort to think ahead and NOT getting caught in the I’m-starving-there’s-nothing-to-cook-let’s-just-go-out-to-eat trap.

    Have I ranted enough?

    I guess my big point about all this writing is that even though my life at home can seem like the pits compared to staying at Bethany‘s beautiful five-star resort (where I have the freedom to eat Trader Joe’s nuts all day long or spend the day painting and then hop off to the local food court for some yummy Indian food…) home is not really that bad. I do like my home. I do like working hard to keep my family fed and clean and sweaty.

    Wait, that part doesn’t fit but you know what I mean. We don’t have air conditioning here but lots of people don’t. You can get used to it. Beautiful Parisian women go home to their sweaty apartments in Paris too. They probably walk their pretty bare feet over ugly carpet and they might even stick their head in the freezer just to cool off sometimes.

    Anyone can become accustomed to anything. Just like I could easily become accustomed to a five-star resort and expect it. With enough hard work and willpower, I will be proud of my little life in this shabby apartment. We live at the beach, after all! I get to stay home with my daughter. We’re doing without the luxuries so that someday we can afford them debt-free. (Hopefully before we reach retirement.) I am blessed.

    So when I got home I took photos of this life that is my home. I am determined to find the beauty in this life. I will take photos of my dirty carpet (and photoshop the stains out) and you will see the happiness here and not the dirt.

    perusing my new book

    Because it’s my home. Home sweet home.

  • Bug,  Family Matters,  house-sitting,  Super Dad

    Sea World!

    sea turtle!

    Toby came down to visit us while we are house-sitting and took us to Sea World on Friday. Isn’t that cool how that worked out? It’s Father’s Day weekend* and he takes us out? We did make him dinner the night before and breakfast the next morning so maybe that counts for something. I think he just missed us.

    A while back (probably right after I took Bug to Disneyland when she was barely a year old) Toby and I decided together (though I took quite a bit of convincing before I agreed) that we would hold off taking Bug to all the major amusement parks around here until she was older and could appreciate them more.

    This was a bit hard for me to accept at first because how could I deprive my kid of all the local fun? And what better way to spend some long boring summer days than hopping off to Disneyland in the afternoon with a year pass? Year passes are great because you come and go as you please and you don’t have to feel like you have to cram everything into one day.

    But Toby didn’t agree. He wanted to be with Bug on her first trip to Disneyland and Sea World and the Zoo etc… If we got a year pass and spent every odd Thursday afternoon there, the novelty would wear off and Toby would miss out because he has to work every odd Thursday (and every other day too) in order to provide for us and this freedom I have to be bored with my kid.

    flamingos

    It turns out that Toby is right afterall. Not on the part that having a year pass to amusement parks would save my sanity but the part where Bug appreciates going more. She really does understand the concept of looking forward to something. When her cousins talk about their summer plans to go to Disneyland, she isn’t crying about how she is left out. Instead, she is bragging loudly that she gets to go to Disneyland when she is FIVE with her Daddy—as if she’s in some sort of exclusive Daddy’s Girl club.

    You can imagine how glad I was when Toby softened on his wait-until-she-is-five rule when it came to Sea World this Friday. Bug might have all the patience in the world but I sure don’t. And what do you know, Bug loved Sea World. But really, I think she just loved having special time with her Dad. It was a charmed day.

    I can say that now in hind sight but when our day started, I was worried it wasn’t going to turn out so well. We arrived late and stood in a terribly long line to get into the park. Then when we got in the park, we immediately had to stand in another very long line to see the Shamu show. We were worried the whole day was going to be long lines.

    I guess things have changed since I was there last in nineteen eighty-something. There are lines for everything now, not unlike security at the airport. But fortunately when the show began, we filed in quickly enough so it wasn’t too terrible. But then there was the waiting for the show to start and they played all these silly movies about growing up to be a whale trainer. Bug was bored. It was looking bad.

    nose dive

    THEN the whales started jumping and big splashes lopped over the sides of the tank and all was saved! Three year olds are definitely old enough to appreciate big whale splashes. It was all very exciting.

    on a hill

    After that we wandered around, looked at the exhibits and ate our contraband lunch. Did you know you aren’t allowed to pack a lunch and picnic anymore? Everything is so different since I went to Sea World as a kid. I guess I’m getting old or something. We did picnic anyway since the very nice security guy checking our bags looked the other way. Who knows, maybe amusement park food is tasty nowadays but I had packed salami and cheese and didn’t want to waste it.

    sky ride

    fun zone

    We caught some more shows, rode on the sky ride and let Bug have a good long play in the fun zone which I DO remember quite fondly from when I was a kid. Unfortunately, Bug was too short to ride on any of the rides (%$@#! short genes) and that was a big bummer. I think we are going to have to make a line on the wall at home at 42 inches and just not ever go to any more amusement parks until she’s that tall.

    relaxing

    That was pretty much our day. Outside of a few arguments between Toby and I over which way we should go and which shows we should see, everything was really fun. Not crazy fun but a good day.

    Then, just before we were about to leave, we were summoned by some employees to hurry and get into the Dolphin show before they closed the gates. We squeezed in right before the locked everyone in. It was the best timing! We should have tried to be late to all the shows. We got a great seat (outside of the soak zone) seconds before the show started which meant NO waiting and LOTS of splashing.

    dolphins!

    Bug LOVED the dolphins. She was enthralled. I can see now why they had all those movies before the Shamu show about little kids growing up to be whale and dolphin trainers. I can see how such a spark could be ignited. I don’t know if Bug has a scientific bent but she does love animals and she definitely loves to entertain. Who knows. We can always dream.

    clapping

    It was the perfect ending to the day. We walked out of the park hungry and tired but not at all grumpy. I was really surprised that Bug lasted the entire day without a single melt down and she didn’t even have a nap. Maybe she’s out-growing naps or maybe she just really enjoyed her special day with Toby. I know I did.

    looking out with Daddy

    *Doh! When I wrote this I thought it was father’s day weekend! But it’s not until next weekend. Which is really good because I was running behind in mailing out my toolboxes to the Grandpas! Woot! I get another week to remember!