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Happy 19th, Bug
As I’m going through my old posts, I’m struck by how odd it is that I had time to blog when I had a baby. Who has time to blog when they have a new baby? And before that? I blogged my way through Paris!!! But now that I’m home alone for days, I don’t have time to tell a story or two?? Something is wrong with this picture. I have a lot of theories. I’m looking at you, phone.
Yesterday was Bug’s nineteenth birthday. Poor girl, she got broken up with by her boyfriend on her birthday. I hope I’m allowed to write that here. I don’t think she reads, but I try to respect her privacy most of the time. It wasn’t too terrible because she knew it was coming, and they’d only been dating for four months. But still, on her birthday!!? That’s pretty crappy.
We’d planned a dinner date months before this, so she would hang out with me on her birthday no matter what. Even so, I was happy we already had plans. I’d be even more upset if she were alone on her birthday.
The thing about Bug that I am proud of is that she doesn’t expect a lot. I remember the first Christmas that I couldn’t afford to get a “good” present. I felt horrible like I’d “ruined Christmas.” But it wasn’t a big deal to her. She knew I was struggling to make rent, and we did something else fun. She’s always been cool about it. That was a big parenting breakthrough for me. Kids don’t care much about presents (or at least my kid). It’s more about quality time and attention. Since I’ve been unemployed off and on for the last three years, I’ve got quality time in spades.
So yesterday we did some errands, we went out to an early dinner, we cheered with some virgin margaritas, and THEN I took her to practice driving!!!! This is a really big deal. She never got her driver’s license in high school. She didn’t have time, wasn’t motivated, was afraid of driving, etc., all of the reasons that kids these days don’t get their driver’s licenses. I get it. I’m terrified of driving myself. Traffic and freeways are scary!
What is so remarkable is that she’s been taking the bus everywhere. When she moved in with her dad, supposedly because I wouldn’t drive her everywhere and let her down when I was working, I thought her dad would drive her everywhere instead. Nope. He’s a hard ass. He makes her take the bus. And she does! I never took the bus as a kid or as an adult. I hate to admit it, but I’m afraid of buses. I don’t know how the routes work, and I don’t like strangers. The one time I did take a bus to the beach when I was a teenager with a friend of mine, it took us three hours to go twenty-five miles!! I love subways, but buses are lost to me.
I digress. My point is that she took the bus to the DMV to take her own permit test, AND SHE PASSED IT! She called me up afterward, and we squealed like little pigs. I’m so proud of her. She’s probably hating me for writing this, but I don’t care. This has been a thorn in our sides for a few years now, and the fact that she is self-motivated to do it makes me happy. She did nothing when I nagged her continually, but when you leave her to her own devices, she got it done.
She got in my car, backed it up out of the parking lot, drove it down the street, and then we proceeded to drive around a parking lot nearby. It was great. She was timid at first and hit the brakes a little hard, but she got the hang of it. As we were driving down the aisles between parking spots, I noticed a pinecone. Try to hit the pinecone, I said. She missed it. She drove around again, missed it again. Now, she was getting determined. We agreed that it’s kind of like a video game. She went around that parking lot probably ten times and finally hit the pinecone with a satisfying crunch. We were so happy!
There was one car parked in the lot that was a little suspicious. The back windows were tinted, the front had a sun visor. The sides had some towels hung from the rolled-up windows. I think someone was sleeping there. I feel bad for interrupting their peace with strange driving behavior, but I don’t care. It was a moment. It was a proud mom moment.
We might not have big parties or fancy trips anymore, but we still have some pretty great moments. Quality time for the win!
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It’s been so long…
It’s been so long since I wrote anything here I don’t even want to bother trying to catch up anymore. The good news is I live alone now (queue Empty Nest Syndrome!), so I have much more time. I also quit my part-time job as a behavioral therapist to focus more on my freelance work, so I hope to show up more here. You can’t promote your work if you don’t have a blog that you visit occasionally, right? Don’t worry; I hate over-promoting, so I’ll keep it on a need-to-know basis and save the PR drop bombs for Instagram, but I do need to not take my friends here for granted. Sigh… remember when we checked in every day? Those were the days.
What do you want to know? Leave any curiosities or questions in the comments, and I’ll try to answer them in my next post.
My latest news is:
I’m not working as a behavioral therapist anymore. I quit cold turkey. It was hard to do. I had a new client, and my hours were very late. It got to the point where I felt like I was banging my head against the wall. I was tired and so was the client. The new client was violent and unpredictable, and I found myself afraid and dreading sessions. I wanted to help the family, and I knew I could, but it was tough, and unfortunately, the pay was so low. Why are the industry’s least experienced and lowest-paid employees thrown into the fire with the most dangerous and complicated people? I was very insecure about how well I was doing. The parents knew ABA better than I did, and I felt like I was on stage and being judged for my lack of experience. Of course, I wasn’t. The parents liked me and were pleased to have me. It breaks my heart that I let them down. But with the help of Matt, my very Virgo planner bf, I did a cost analysis and realized this job was hurting me more than it was helping me. I’m still interested in the field and can see myself returning in some way. I will take early childhood development classes at my local junior college and see where that takes me.
Bug moved out. It wasn’t on bad terms, but we were both stretched to our maximum stress capacity, and she decided her dad could help her more than I could. It was hard for me, I won’t lie. I have missed her. I always thought she’d be with me until she was in her thirties and beyond. We’ve been a unit since 2006. But she’s also a free bird and stretching her wings. I did the same thing when I turned 18. I know she might be back, and she knows she will always be welcome here.
My niece is the new Bug when it comes to taking photos. She visits now and then so I can get my “little fix.” I do love littles. I also love being the aunt who can send her home and have a glass of wine with a 1000-piece puzzle and an audiobook. I love living alone. It’s bizarre how much I love it. I organize and rearrange my apartment to my heart’s content. I develop complicated routines and then break them. I stay home every day, cook dinner for myself, and never feel guilty about not going out. Is it big-headed to say I love my own company? I never get bored! I have so many things I love doing; I never have enough time in the day to do them all!
I’ll let you know when it gets old, but so far, so good!
If you have any graphic design/illustration work, send it my way! I’m back in the game.
xo