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So much news!
I keep telling myself I need to get in the habit of writing every day about the little things instead of waiting for big things to happen and then documenting them as if I’m writing a book report on my life. But days slip by as they are wont to do and my great ideas on blogging are in vain. As usual.
So here are the big things:
Bug has a two-wheeler! She inherited SuperChic’s old bike. My mom had it sitting around at her house and a neighbor offered to fix it (flat tire, stripped screws where the training wheels needed to go…it just needed a major tune-up) so my mom paid her neighbor and now we have a new bike that is old but totally cool because I didn’t shell out a buncha bucks at Walmart or somewhere even more expensive.
Recycling at it’s best! Bug totally loves it and it has not even crossed her mind that I could have bought her a shiny new Hello Kitty bike for only five hundred some bazingas. Rusty princesses for the win! Actually, it’s not that rusty, so don’t worry about Tetanus or anything. I know somebody out there was worried about that. They don’t call me a seasoned blogger for nothing.
She’s still a little bit wobbly and scared to death of how the whole bike shifts from left to right when she moves her weight from one training wheel to the other but I have no fear that before long she’ll be whizzing around faster than I can yell at her to slow down. Right now I’m thankful for her fear. Even though we live on the American Dream cul-de-sac, I have nightmares about her getting run over by some crazy moron driving down our street too fast. So we are proceeding with the bike-riding with utmost caution. If she takes all year to learn I’ll be a happy momma. But considering how long she took to learn how to scooter I think she’ll be out of training wheels by next week. Sheesh.
I just wish she’d slow down with this growing-up business!
Did you notice her dark blue corduroy jumper? If you read my post about Bug loving hand-me-downs over on my review blog, you’ll have to chuckle at this outfit. It’s Rapunzel’s from ten years ago. I never expected Bug to like it and I almost tossed it in the goodwill box when I was going through old clothes, except she pulled it out and begged to wear it. Shows you what I know.
You know why Bug likes it? Because she thought the red ladybugs at the bottom were red spotted mushrooms from Mario Brothers Mushroom Kingdom. How does my kid know about that? We don’t have Nintendo. It’s not the 80’s. I guess in today’s world all red spotted mushrooms mean super fun musical games or something. Go figure. And yes, she was a bit disappointed when I pointed out that the red mushrooms had black heads and antennae. But she still wore it anyway.
Next big thing:
My Grandma turned 85 on Wednesday. EIGHTY-FIVE!!! How is this possible? It’s really true that when you pass thirty time speeds up to warp speed. I hate the fact that I’m being so clichéd* and moaning about it. But it’s true. My Grandma is so full of vim and vigor, I’m not ready for her to be old and frail. She’s taking it gracefully though. If ever there was someone to emulate, it is my Grandma. I want to be just like her when I grow up—which should be in about five minutes by my calculations.
So we went over to her house for dinner because that is all she really wants. Material presents are not important, just spending time with family is what she really enjoys. Good thing too because I am the worst at remembering to buy thoughtful gifts when I am navigating motherhood at warp speed. Actually, I think I was bad at remembering to buy thoughtful gifts even when I was young and bored but that is neither here nor there. The important thing is that we were all together and it was super sweet.
My Aunt Keren thought Grandma would enjoy some kitten-time so my mom brought over all six kittens that she has right now. She’s babysitting my kittens until they find homes since my carpet is freshly clean and she has wood floors and she has three other kittens from a feral cat who abandoned them in her yard. Isn’t my mom nice? Yes. And I’m really trying hard not to take her for granted. By the way, five of those kittens have good loving homes and now there is only one left! Phew!
Anyway back to Grandma and the kittens. It was so sweet! The little black one curled up on her chest and slept there for a half an hour. It was adorable and I think Grandma enjoyed it but then one of her eyes started turning red and itchy so we removed the kittens and decided Grandma might be allergic to the adorable little fluff-balls. It was fun while it lasted though.
We also had root vegetables, which we all love. Best dinner EVER. It was like old times. We missed you, Aunt Kathy.
Last big thing:
I found a trench coat at Target. You guys thought I already had one didn’t you? Nope, I didn’t. I never have. It doesn’t rain here, what do I need a trench coat for? Streaking? Hah! Like that’s gonna happen. It’s all part of my made-up Secret Agent Josephine character in my head. She doesn’t have a double chin either. Bet you never noticed that. Oh you did? Blarg. Well, she’s my made-up character so I felt inclined to improve her. Them’s the perks of being an illustrator. I can draw myself any way I want to be. Be all that you can be!
Stupidly, I got rid of my knee high black boots a while back because I didn’t like the pointy heel so I will probably be investing in some new boots soon. I’m so glad that pointy-heel-pointy-toe trend is over. But knowing me, by the time I get around to shopping for some again will be back in full force. I hate fashion sometimes.
But who cares about that! How funny is Bug? She’s the best model ever. I hate to exploit her cuteness on this blog but as you can see she steals the show without even trying.
So here we are in our official garb looking so very spyish. It’s almost like we didn’t just throw on some trench coats over our sundresses and pull an impromptu photo shoot in our driveway with the neighbor who actually doesn’t know how to use my camera but did a pretty good job anyway! It’s almost good enough to put in the back of my books as my author shot I think! In fact, I think I will just do that.
Keep calm and spy on, Secret Agents!
* That d is for you, Bethany.
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artsy fartsy, crafts gone wrong, crazy stuff, domesticity, how-to's, I'm an idiot, painting, the sticks
How Not To Paint Your Floor
What do you do when you are buried with work, deadlines are falling all around you like giant redwoods in a timber harvest, you have guests coming in from out of town and you decided to have a great big fiesta on Saturday with lots and lots of friends? Do you knuckle down and get your work done so you’ll have plenty of time to clean your house and get ready for the party before your guests arrive OR do you walk around your house and dream up some impossible last-minute DIY home-improvement projects? The latter of course!
Because you wouldn’t want your guests to see the bathroom floor looking like this:
The horror! Actually, it looked much worse than that. The paint had come up in spots and it was soooo dirty. Muddy kid bathing, running-over sinks (that’s another story) and dogs with hair and claws do not do well on painted pressed wood (not to be confused with plywood, that would be a step up). It was the floor that could not be mopped. Oh, I tried to mop it. Believe me. But scrubbing seemed to just make it worse. You know you have a problem when you moisten the wood and it just comes up in crumbs in your hand. It was icky.
So I decided to paint the floor! Giant deadlines be damned. (Don’t worry clients, all’s well in the end.) My mom had taken all the girls over to her house for Camp Grandma so I decided to attack the floor with wild blood-shot-eyes of craziness and then get my work done on the side. That’s how we get things done around here.
Oh yeah.
First, I was just going to paint some flowers to distract from the ugliness of the dirty mint green paint. I drew them in with a sharpie and was quite pleased. Then I painted the flowers and leaves and some odd purple paisleys around the toilet area and discovered that the new fresh paint made the old dirty mint green paint look like a hot mess of awfulness. It didn’t detract at all! It pointed instead and screamed, Look! Look! It’s dirty in here! You’re probably going to catch something awful if you walk in here barefoot!
Oh woe is me.
Did I mention that I was using old house paint from a craft project from a long time ago and I didn’t have enough paint to cover the whole floor and definitely not enough for more than one coat? Good thinking, that thar me. But I tried anyway. I tried and tried to skimp out every last scrape of “lemon icing” paint to cover the ugly mint green but there was just NOT enough.
This is about the time I started walking around my house naked doing a one-woman stand-up comedy show all by myself for myself and the dog. I really wish I could have recorded that because I think I am pretty funny. But there was nakedness and blood-shot craziness so no recording was going on.
I did jot down some notes for this post though. I’m such a blogger like that.
Here are my notes:
1. Don’t have a dog, with hair when you are painting your floor. No matter how hard you sweep and wipe up the hair with a wet paper towel, you will miss about 80 thousand of them. That is why they call painting white wash. You are washing the hair with paint. Check your OCD at the back door.
2. Don’t paint with old paint from a past project because you WILL run out and you won’t be able to match it with your home stash of acrylics or the kid poster paint.
3. Do not leave the phone on the counter where you can’t reach it later without stepping in wet paint.
4. Do not forget to paint behind the door. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
5. Do not paint in your favorite nightgown.
That’s all I wrote down but I’m sure there are about 95 more things not to do when painting your floor. In the end I went to Home Depot, shelled out 88 trillion bucks for a gallon (They don’t sell smaller containers. Gah!) of “lemon icing” matched paint and a gallon of epoxy garage floor paint for cement to put over the top and hopefully make the whole mess more mop-able. I really hope it works and doesn’t peel up my masterpiece when I roll it down Friday morning.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention how drying times had to be factored in. You know how I am so great at math. Ha ha. Imagine me with a calculator and smoke coming out of my ears. It turns out I do have enough time to get it all done before the party on Saturday (when my guests will mostly likely need to use the restroom!!) but it was close. So close in fact that I had to step aside and painfully not paint more detail so that I could give it a whole 24 hours to cure before laying down the garage floor epoxy laminate clear coat, or whatever that stuff is called. It was hard stepping aside. I desperately wanted to add more flourishes and scallops and maybe some tapered dotting but I started stepping in paint in places I couldn’t cover up and I knew it was time to cut my losses.
My original plan was just to paint some flowers as a temporary measure until I could put some groovy old 70’s linoleum down but now I’m kinda liking the flowers. They’re bright, they’re crazy. They make the rest of the bathroom look like an old lady running away from a flower child on acid but I kinda dig it. If this clear coat thing works out, they might stick around for a while.
At least so I can tell this story over and over.
