Here it is Wednesday and Operation Couch Cover has just now commenced. I’ve been a little disappointed in my productivity while Toby has been gone. I always think I’m going to do a hundred things and then I turn on the style channel and get maybe half a thing done. That and reading Perez Hilton. Whoever turned me onto that site should be shot. I do not need to waste my time keeping up with popular culture!! Why am I so sucked in?!!

The first day Toby was gone I had my nieces over. That was a circus-palooza, which is always fun, but when they left I had three mountains of dishes to do. It’s not like I cooked a lot or I didn’t clean up after we ate or anything. The dishes just magically appeared somehow.

I think when Toby is here, I feel pressured to be the super-wife since he’s the one who writes the checks that pay the bills and all I do is hang out with my adorably cute kid and make sure the house looks nice. Which is no small feat but compared to working all day I do feel like I got the better end of the deal sometimes.

So anyway, I’ve been slackin’! I decided I needed a kick in the pants and I started a little competition with Bethany Actually. (Sorry, it is link fest with us today, her linking me and me linking her… I try not to but she is a stalker and she seeps into my life through the cracks!) We made a pact that we could not sign onto instant messenger until we had each completed three chores.

I thought, Hah! I’ll kick her butt. I can do five chores before I sign back on!

So I did the dishes, vacuumed, emptied the cat box AND sewed a ballerina costume for Baby Bug (which totally counts for two I think). Take that Bethany! Who’s the Super Mom now?

You know where this is going. Bethany took our little competition one step further and didn’t sign on all day long. She was so productive, she didn’t crack open her laptop until after the dinner dishes were washed up and her kid was in bed. Phooey! So that’s how you’re gonna play?!!

Then, after she listed off the fifteen things she did, she had the nerve to leave for five minutes. When she came back she typed nonchalantly, “Oh, I walked away to make some lemon scones.” LEMON SCONES!!! Are you kidding me? From scratch, I’m sure. Excuse me, while I go whip up a turkey dinner with gravy!

Good times with the instant messenger. You just gotta do what you gotta do to get through the day right? If anyone is wondering why you never see me on instant messenger, it is because I always stay invisible. I’m there, I’m just hiding. Like a spy, get it? I have enough discipline not to advertise to people to talk to me but not enough discipline to shut the whole thing off.

But let’s get back to the ballerina costume. Don’t you just want to eat Baby Bug up like a wispy puff of cotton candy? You’re probably thinking, “How cute! She wants to wear her costume all day long.” Or maybe you’re thinking, “That little ballerina doesn’t look very happy.” Well, those of you who thought the latter would be right.

She actually didn’t want anything to do with her costume I sewed for her. It was “yucky” she said. I don’t know, maybe because it’s not green? Whatever. I was repurposing what I had and that’s what she got. The next day, I made her wear it all day long. I’m such a mean mom. We walked around all of Ikea like that and the laundromat too!

She didn’t really mind the tutu so much on the second day but she was pretty grumpy. You might notice her eyes look a little bit puffy, like maybe she’s been crying. She has. She’s cutting her eye teeth and they really hurt. She’s been lucky with teething most of her little life and never really suffered like most kids do. But these teeth, they must really hurt. She’s been rubbing her gums and sucking on her pacifier and drooling like crazy. Her nose is running… I don’t know if she has allergies or a cold or if it’s just caused by teething alone but she’s been a slippery, gooey, snotty, crying mess. Poor kid.

Then there’s me who is trying to fit too many things in the day. I didn’t plan my trip to Ikea to get the couch fabric early enough and guess who had a ten minute pseudo-nap in the car that blew the rest of the day to hell? Yep. Baby Bug. When will I ever learn? I should have stayed home and watched the style channel.

Even though the thought of her giving up her last nap of the day gives me hives, part of me will be so happy when my day is not cut in half anymore. I either try to fit too much in the morning before her nap and have this happen or I do what I usually do which is: put it off until after her nap and then never get anything done… because late turns into later and next thing you know, the whole dinner routine steam-rollers me.

It just never ends. It’s called motherhood.

I’m not whining. I’m just telling it like it is so that all you non-mothers can get your stuff done now. Well, maybe I am whining a little bit. Which is a great segue back to my couch-covering project

Behold the FABRIC! Do you see it? Do you see how big it is?!! That is fifteen yards of white canvas stuff. I don’t know the name of it. Bernita or Bitta or Biteayouintheassa. It’s awful unmaneageable stuff. After I washed it and dried it in the super-duper industrial-sized washer and dryer at the laundromat, I hauled it home and wrestled it into submission on my coffee table.

It was like I was trying to fold a sail on a sailboat. It was just me and the perfect storm right here in my own living room. I don’t know how I am ever going to manage to sew on it. It’s not really canvas or denim. It’s thinner but it’s definitely going to be a challenge. I think I must be insane.

Obviously, I must have a plan. Hahahahahahahahahah! If you don’t know this about me already, you do now. I’m sort of a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants type. My plan is this: I’m going to cut out shapes (with seam allowance of course, I’m not that dumb) and pin them on the couch. Then I will sew them together. End of plan.

How I’m going to do this with the assistance of a toddler who is obsessed with pinning and un-pinning things, I do not know. We’ve had many a temper-tantrum over my inspiration board lately. I finally gave in and let her play with it. She’s a mature two-year-old. Hopefully, she will not poke her eye out. I know Toby is going to have a cow when he sees her playing with that. I’ll have to formulate some sort of excuse that involves leaving me for weeks on end to single-parent or something mumble grumble…stuff and stuff.

I don’t blame her. Pins are pretty. As you can see, I had fun sticking all my pins into this little tiny tomato pincushion. (That’s productivity right there!) And then I took pictures of it. Ooooh shiny things! Naturally, my daughter is going to want to hold it too. It’s like our very own pet porcupine.

What I’m hoping is that it is a magic pet porcupine and it will help me get my couch covered before Sunday.