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Pesky Post Part 2
I’m finally getting around to writing that long awaited pesky post number two I kept talking about. I hate it when I do that…say I’m going to do something and then never do it. (Like Sludgie!! Remember him!!? Remember how I had a contest and I was going to give away Sludgie pillows as prizes? I have not forgotten. I’m just slow. They are coming soon…)
The thing is, as time passed and I got over my agitation over those other peskies, I started doubting whether I really wanted to share my very personal parenting choices/mistakes with the world wide internet? Do I dare? So far I’ve kept a lot of things to myself because I felt nobody could ever possibly understand why I do the things I do. I don’t even understand the reasons I do things. Motherhood baffles me.
I’ve kind of adopted the “feel good” approach to parenting. If it feels right then it must be right. At least more right than the “feels wrong” approach. I hate saying “If it feels good, do it” because all my growing up years I heard Sunday school teachers preaching the evils of those “happy feelies”. Like we’re all a bunch of hippies smokin’ dope… But I think in the case of parenting, it might not be so evil. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. We’ll see what happens when Baby Bug hits her teens (or her terrible twos) and I’m pulling my hair out.
I do want to share. Firstly, because there are a lot of you wondering whatever happened to that 70’s crib. I get emails all the time asking me. It’s high drama, that 70’s crib. Secondly, I also want to share all my pesky mistakes because from time to time I get emails from other desperate mom’s wondering the same things I’ve wondered and searched the internet for. It makes me happy when I can finally find an answer or at least a blog written by some other harried haggard mother just like me. So I might as well do my part and put my battles out here too.
So here goes. Hold your breath and pray that I don’t commit blog suicide.
- That 70’s crib
Yes, we still have it. Here’s the dealio on the 70’s crib: We have it but we don’t use it. I took the giant suffocating bumper pad out and stuffed it into a box that is now in storage (aka Mom’s garage). The crib is still in our room because from time to time I use it to corral Baby Bug while I put away clean clothes or change the sheets or something. Since she’s hardly ever in it, she thinks it’s fun. Yippee a cage with bars to rattle and little dealybob beads to yank and try to screw off. Don’t worry, she’s not going to swallow them. They are attached very well and I never leave her in there with out watching her closely.
- Co-sleeping
This is another touchy subject. I don’t know if I should officially say I co-sleep with Baby Bug. She goes to bed in her crib at night by herself. But sometimes she wakes up and I get tired of patting her back and trying to get her to go back to sleep by herself so I tuck her into the crook of my arm and cuddle with her on the futon on the floor. It’s great. There is nothing more wonderful than cuddling with your baby and falling asleep with your nose sniffing her freshly washed soft baby head.
The only problem is she likes it too. She likes it better than sleeping in her crib and this sometimes makes it hard for me to put her down at night. If she’s not dead tired, she’ll wake up and cry the minute I put her in her crib. So it’s back to the rocking chair for another twenty minutes of rocking and singing and it gets old after a while. Especially when I want to stay up late and blog or work on a fun project on my laptop. And this brings me to my next bullet point…
- The NOT Crying it Out
I’m a rocking mom. I like rocking my baby to sleep. A lot of people don’t do this and I completely understand why. Because once you do it, you always have to do it. Sometimes I am very jealous of you moms who can just plop your kid in their crib, close the door and get on with your business. Yes, I know they get over the crying very quickly and become happy little nappers BUT I can not do this. I’ve tried. It’s just terrible! The crying! My heart! I have to rock. Rock and sing, rock and sing. That’s what we do.
Every time I start to doubt my choice (because I’m so fed up with the rocking process that can take upwards of a half an hour on bad days) I call up my Aunt who rocked all four of her babies. She is wise and fortifies me. She tells me that it is okay that I want to rock my baby. She tells me that, indeed, they do grow up and grow out of it and someday you miss rocking them. Appreciate the rocking while you have it, she says. So that’s what I’m doing. I doubt myself a lot though. I worry that I’m creating a monster who will never learn to fall asleep by herself. But then again, I worry about everything.
- Spoiling Baby Bug
I spoil Baby Bug rotten. I don’t let her eat cookies every day… just maybe every other. I asked Baby Bug’s doctor about letting Baby Bug have a cookie or a muffin now and then and she said a little sugar twice a week is not that big of a deal. So hopefully I’m not raising a raging sugar fiend. I probably am.
I also spoil her in other ways. I give her a lot of attention. My Dad worries about it and tells me I need to watch out for this. But I think you can’t really help it with your first kid. What am I going to do? Put her in a corner with her toys and walk into the other room? I think she’ll learn the hard way just like I did that you can’t always be the center of attention. I learned it when I was 23. And I’m still okay.
What else… I can’t think of anything right now but if I do, I’ll post them. Someday.
- That 70’s crib
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The Pesky Post Part 1
The Pesky Post is refusing to organize itself into a cohesive blog unit. So I’m just going to slog through it bullet point by bullet point and hope by the end of a bunch of typing, I reach some sort resolution and point.
- Financial Worry
We did our taxes. (Late for 2005 and early for 2006. That kind of gives you a little insight into our bookkeeping skills right there.) There was good news and bad news. The good news is I sold a bunch of illustrations and made more money than Toby expected. Yay me! The bad news is I didn’t save any of that money to give to the government. Boo me! I thought I was okay because Toby said he’d cover me. But he said that before he knew I was going to make that much. Somehow we didn’t communicate. Double Boo. So Toby had to take all the money he saved all year to put into our house fund (that is three years out) and pay the government instead. This is very very sad and I feel awful about it.
This called for a sit down between Toby and I and it didn’t go so well. There were tears. I had to admit to him that I’m not financially faithful. Meaning, I spend a lot of money on the side that I keep secret from him. I know! I’m terrible. Here’s how I justify it: Toby doesn’t understand the little things I need to buy. Guys just don’t. He doesn’t understand how a simple trip to Target to buy paper towels can turn into a $75 shopping trip. Notice I don’t say “spree” because a “spree” would be a whole other thing all together. A shopping trip would be: paper towels, zip lock bags, cat litter, a $7.99 seasonal t-shirt for Baby Bug that just jumped into my cart, a chocolate bar, a place mat for under my dish rack to catch all the dripping water and I don’t know… some stickers or something. Add all that up and it’s $75 somehow.
Sometimes I even go to Old Navy and buy Baby Bug socks and pajamas and that ends up being $75 too. Then there are the online purchases, like cafepress shirts and mugs and gifts for friends and relatives. It seems like every week it’s somebody’s birthday. Before you know it I am easily spending $500-$1000 on things that Toby does not know about. What I’m not doing is putting it on my credit card. What I am doing is working at night and during Baby Bug’s naps so I can have a little bit of money in my business bank account that I lop over into our joint checking account to support my financial unfaithfulness and cover-up all the overdraft I am constantly going into.
Unfortunately this has to stop. First off because I’m not saving for taxes and secondly because I lost one of my bread and butter clients. And thirdly, I want a house too!
- Losing a good client
This is a pesky post bullet point all in it self. I hate losing clients. Not because I miss the work but because it’s a personal rejection. I’m full of ego and it makes me sad when people don’t like me any more. Thankfully, this client is really nice and the break up was as kind as a break up can be. They even want me to still do small side projects for them that their new agency charges too much for. So it’s not a complete break up but it’s enough of one that I’m examining my behavior with them and second guessing my talent and business practices.
Frankly, I’m just not as capable as I used to be pre-baby. I hate admitting that but it’s true. Four hours a week is just not enough time to support a client completely. However, I’m not ready to take any more time away from Baby Bug to be a better designer. It’s already hard enough leaving her for two hours twice a week. This is something I’m struggling with deeply.
Toby wants me to give up working altogether but I’m not ready to give up all the side spending. I have a hard enough time making the grocery money he gives me cover all the groceries. I need to work. I need the money but I also need the sense of accomplishment and pride that doing a good job gives me. I love designing. I love making logos and graphics and having people exclaim happiness over my work. I’m just a glutton for praise. A lot of times I’ll do it for free just because I love the praise so much. I need to find a way to make my work pay better. Less work, more money or something like that. Which brings me to another bullet point.
- This blog needs to work harder for me
I’m selling ads, as you’ve noticed, but I’m not tracking them. I have no back-end software that tells me how many times they get clicked on. I need to set up something and keep my ad clients abreast of how well they are doing. I need to raise my rates. Thankfully my new favorite web friend, OMSH, is very savvy at web business and she’s sent me in some great directions to get this done. The part that is bugging me is that I feel overwhelmed with all the work I need to do and how little time I have to do it. I’d rather just make somebody a blog banner.
- Free Blog Banners
Since I love making graphics so much and I love making graphics for free (for people who really really appreciate them and hardly ever criticize), I want to start giving away a free web graphic a month. How fun will that be? I could have a little side bar linking the new free graphic and send that blog a bunch of traffic. Fun for me, fun for them. I think it’s a good idea. Of course this doesn’t get any “work” done or make me any money but it could be good for traffic and therefore good for advertising and in the long run good for me. I don’t know, it’s something I’m simmering on.
What else?
I’m bugged about a bunch of parenting things. But I think I’ll save them for a Pesky Post Part 2. I don’t think I’ve come to any resolution or point but I feel better sharing some of my worries with you. Now those worries can sprout wings and leave my cluttered head. Out! Out! This brain needs more room to worry about other things.
- Financial Worry
