• aging parents,  domesticity,  Lemon Week,  Life Lessons,  Slow Living,  The Desert

    Stay at Home Daughter

    wize-old-agave

    I’ve been simmering on this post for a while. The more I adjust to my new life in the desert with my parents, the more I love it here. My depression has lifted (completely!), and I wake up every day excited about whatever I’m going to do that day. Yes, of course, I worry about politics, the state of the world, and my money problems, but outside of that, I am happy in my quiet little life. I don’t wake up in a panic anymore. That is a huge deal! I’m sad that I let myself wake up full of fear and stress every morning for two years straight. How did I let it get that bad? I didn’t think I had a choice then, but maybe I did.  If I had known what I know now,  I should have moved in with my parents earlier but I had Bug to support and worry about so everything happened the way it did for a reason.

    blue-mornings

    Now, my mornings are full of beauty and thankfulness. Everywhere I look, I see pretty things to take pictures of. I hear birds chirping and I see lizards darting here and there.  I have all kinds of baby plants that need my attention. Sometimes, I even forget to look at my phone in the morning. Isn’t that crazy? Maybe that’s why some bloggers and Instagrammers that we love have disappeared. Maybe they just stopped looking at their phones first thing. But I’m not here to preach about phone use. That is a tired argument that I can easily debate both ways. I embrace technology. I need my bionic brain.

    home-where-the-sun-rises

    I wake up for nature now. How crazy is that? I wake up to see what kind of sunrise it will be. I’m addicted to sunrises as if they were a tv show I wanted to catch. I know, night people are probably rolling their eyes but this is how morning people work. If I wasn’t so busy cooking dinner in the evening, I’d probably feel the same way about sunsets. I’d love to sit with a glass of wine every evening and tune in for a sunset but the way the mountains are situated here, we are in shadow before we get to see any pretty colors. Maybe I can fine tune my routine to catch the sunsets but so far I haven’t managed that.

    spring-is-springing

    Something else big has shifted in my mind. It is my shame about not working full time. YES, I would love to have a full-time income. Believe me, it would solve so many problems. But now that I need to be home to take care of my mom and be available to travel when they travel (the latest HOA complication) I can’t even get a day job if I found one. I can only have odd jobs that allow me to be flexible. So in a way you could say I’m semi-retired. Doesn’t that have such a better ring than unemployed? It’s just a change of phrase but it’s a massive shift in the way I think of myself.  I’m not a failure. I’m a success! It’s a dream to live the slow life at fifty-two!

    home-stuff

    I don’t have to feel guilty about gardening or sewing or organizing my parents mountains of stuff.  I love this stay-at-home lifestyle. I’m not a stay-at-home mom anymore. I’m a stay-at-home daughter!

    When I was a new mom I fought against the homemaker lifestyle.  I wanted to stay competitive with my peers and I was terribly jealous when my friends landed prestigious jobs while I was playing with a toddler and bored out of my skull. BUT I did get to rock my daughter to sleep every night. I played with her every day and we did crafts together. I went on walks to the beach every single day. I traveled and blogged it all.  I wasn’t winning awards or contributing to a hefty 401K but I was illustrating children’s books and fostering a healthy blog readership. The days were long but the years were short and I would do them all over again if I could.

    So here I am again. This time I’m not fighting it so hard. I’m going to treasure every day with my parents. I am so lucky that I get to spend time with them when they are happy and healthy. I know these days are numbered.

    lemon-jelly

    I’m going to keep track of the days here for as long as I can afford to. I thought I’d take this blog down but the parallels to my old mom-blogging self are too similar. Maybe elder-care-blogging will become a thing. Whatever it is I’m going to keep track of it. This is all I’m really good at it seems. For now anyway.

    valentinesday-train-visit

    I did get to see Matt for Valentine’s Day. My car is out of commission (it needs a new transmission) so I took the train into Orange County and we had a nice weekend together.

    happy-valentines-day

    He took me out to all my favorite restaurants. We ate all the steaks and drank all the drinks and walked all the walks. It was really nice.

    fullerton-station

    Then I spent the rest of Sunday cleaning for my old neighbor and then I caught the last train back home. It’s not the most efficient way to travel but it was an adventure.

    sad-car

    I am really sad about my car. I’ve had her since Bug was six months old. She was the best car. So much fun to drive and so reliable! (Until now.)  I always thought I’d give her to Bug when Bug learned to drive, but unfortunately, she’s not safe to drive. My dad won’t even let me drive her out of the driveway.  She’s not worth much, which is sad because she’s such a pretty car. I’m trying to find a mechanic who’s looking for a project. Surely, somebody out there sees what I see in her.

    retired-stay-at-home-daughter

    Having no car secures my “retirement” status even more. I’m literally stuck here. I might as well live it up. I attended a “potato bake” last week at the HOA clubhouse and won an IHOP gift certificate for drawing the best Mrs. Potato head. This is the life, what can I say! I took Bug out to breakfast for dinner on the one day I borrow my dad’s truck so I can drive into Irvine to help my old neighbor.

    sunrises-forever

    I spend the rest of the time admiring the sunrises and sunsets and walking with my dad.

    walks-with-dad

    It’s not so bad. It’s the cure for depression!

  • out out out of the house!,  photography,  Slow Living,  solo adventuring,  travel

    Solo Travel Perks

    on-the-road-again

    I wasn’t going to back-blog but there are all these things I want to show you!! My trip home from Texas was an absolute blast. I really do love traveling alone, I’ve realized. In my old age, I kind of like my own company the best. (queue crack-up face)

    Of course, I love having adventures with friends and family, but traveling by yourself is fun! Especially when you think about all the stories and pictures you can put on your blog later! It’s like I’m taking twenty people along on all my adventures. And none of you complain about how I drive or where I decide to book an overnight stop! In fact, the worse things are, the better you’ll like my post! Bring on some mis-turns and minor catastrophes; they are more entertaining. What are the kids saying these days? Do it for the plot?

    cutest-little-airbnb

    I booked this tiny trailer for its Instagramability. It was so cute.  Every detail was thoughtful and twee and photographable. There were funny cards and magnets on the wall. The cupboards were painted pink and red. There were bugs modpodged onto the lampshade, thick heavy handmade quilts to sleep under on a cold desert night. It was pretty close to perfect. I felt like I was staying inside my own Valentine’s Day card to myself.  I could paint this little trailer, put it on a card, and sell it as a Valentine’s card. Hmm… maybe I will.

    so-twee

    Let’s take a closer look. See those quilts and colorful dog sheets? They were clean and flannel and cozy. The oven didn’t work, but obviously, I didn’t care about that. I was only there for one night and wasn’t going to be baking any tiny cookies. I was just there to sleep and maybe have a glass of wine and a salad from Trader Joe’s or somewhere close and easy.

    cottage-life

    It was the perfect set-up for me. I didn’t use the TV or the coffee maker, but I sat at the little table and had my little dinner while I scrolled on my little phone.

    charm-in-tuscon

    Speaking of getting dinner from somewhere nearby, I have a funny story about that. I asked the Airbnb host if a Trader Joe’s was within walking distance, and she said yes! I was thrilled.  I got on my GPS and started walking, thankful to get some steps in after sitting all day driving. After a while, it seemed like I was walking a really long way. I started thinking that maybe the host and I have different ideas of what a short walk is. Thirty minutes isn’t really a short walk in my opinion. And the neighborhood seemed less and less walking-friendly the further I got. The boulevards were so wide and there were no crosswalks anywhere. I had to jaywalk across speeding cars like I was playing Frogger.

    I started to wonder if I was lost somehow, and that’s when I realized that I accidentally hit the “sponsored” Sprouts listing at the top of Google Maps instead of the actual Trader Joe’s nearby. What a stupid mistake. I don’t really have a good excuse other than I’m practically blind these days without my readers, and I probably wasn’t reading carefully. I was pulling a Brenda. Jump first, and ask how high after.

    the-long-walk-the-wrong-way

    So yeah, I got my steps in. I headed back towards my Airbnb and found Trader Joe’s conveniently nearby. I had a great dinner and fell asleep quickly.

    i-totally-took-an-outdoor-shower

    The next day, I tried the outdoor shower, *a feature* in this tiny camper set-up. It’s brilliant. There isn’t a bathroom in the camper (no room, obviously), and the host doesn’t want guests traipsing in and out of her house to use the facilities, so I was told to use a composting toilet behind a privacy wall in the shared compound yard. The shower is off to the other side of the camper. I didn’t love the composting toilet. I mean, it wasn’t as gross as a porta-potty, but it was still kind of more camping than glamping. The shower, on the other hand, was AMAZING!!!

    You have not fully lived until you have tip-toed outside barefoot on a very early, very chilly morning and taken a steamy hot shower in the open air. The birds are singing; the air is crisp, and steam is rising off your skin in clouds. The bricks are cold beneath your feet, where the warm water is splashing.  The shower stall was made of rusty iron, and all kinds of barn tools were attached to hang your toiletries on. I admit I thought the rusty rake made into a washcloth holder was very clever, but I wouldn’t want to slip and fall on it and give myself tetanus. Thankfully, the wet bricks were not slippery at all.

    After my exhilarating shower, I was rested, clean, and ready to hit the road for the last leg of my trip back to California.

    red-rock

    Every time I take this trip along the ten, I feel like I’m in the Cars movie. The rock shapes are so iconic in this landscape.  As I got close to Red Rock, I saw a white house that piqued my interest. I had plenty of time since I had left the camper early, so I decided to explore a little.

    THE-HOUSE

    As I got closer, it got better and better. This is my dream fixer-upper. Obviously, I watch too many DIY construction reels on Instagram.  It’s only $275,000 (A deal by California standards) but I’m sure it would take two million to fix it up properly. Two million I don’t have! But I can dream.

    the-first-clue-mark-twain

    I parked and got out. Since it was vacant and for sale, I felt okay creeping around a little bit. When I saw the Mark Twain book in the driveway I felt like it was speaking to me. This house was asking me to visit!

    2nd-clue-tv-under-the-stairs-and-bolts-of-fabric

    I peeked in the window and saw even more exciting things. An organ, maybe? Or a hutch? Bolts of fabric, an old-school television mounted into the wall under the stairs? Somebody had big plans for this place. I wish that somebody was me!

    windows-windows-windows

    Imagine all the light that would stream in these windows! It was in a desert and probably has pretty extreme weather, but I could totally see plants hanging in the windows and kittens sunning themselves on the porch. Maybe a rocking chair and some red geraniums in flower boxes. It could be the cutest Bed and Breakfast! I read a little about it on Zillow, and some grant money is available to keep it historical.  Le sigh….

    doors-to-nowhere-check

    There is a door opening to nowhere, which always cracks me up. That could easily be fixed with an adorable little sunning deck attached to an upstairs bedroom. Maybe put in some French doors and a patio table for having morning coffee with the birds. I see so much potential in this house. I might have to paint a little watercolor painting of it to remind me to keep dreaming. Maybe someday, when I’m a millionaire, it will still be available.

    spring-in-the-desert

    After that, I only stopped at rest stops. Spring seems to be very much on its way. It’s incredible how many yellow flowers had popped up since I’d been there a week earlier. My parents are planning on going back in March or April, so I can only imagine how much more there will be. I love desert blooms!