Beating Pillows with Tennis Rackets
Guess what?! My site is back up! Well, duh. You wouldn’t be reading this if it wasn’t. But let me tell you it is good to be back. Hallelujah Praise the Lord! You know what this last week of dark and depressing no-site-hood has taught me? A LOT. It’s been one hell of a week. It has cemented my feelings about this blog. In an age where blogs are quickly going out of style or becoming over-produced mega sites that make you feel like you’re reading about a fictional character, I remain loyal to this old hag.
I think I went through the five stages of grief or however many there are. I don’t actually know what those are. I know I’ve been hinting and complaining for years that this site is old and moldy and I might as well just put the old nag out to pasture but the thing is I’m not ready to just up and throw away my archives! So many years of content!! Remember the story of breast feeding Baby Bug? Or the ninja movie, or all those stories about the Things?!! I could go on and on. What about the turquoise wall or that amazing trip Bug and I took in a Uhaul out to the sticks.
Le sigh. There are so many stories and pictures stored on my server that it has become a burden. I doubt I could ever afford to download the whole monstrosity into a book. That would be cha-ching, CHA-ching! Cha-Ching! Imagine $100 coins dropping out of my wallet, slot machine-style and mounding at my feet in knee-high hills of gold shimmery-ness. I know I still need to do that but I’ve actually got a better idea if anyone out there wants a great big book idea.
What if I wrote about all my crafts that I’ve done over the last fifteen some odd years (most of them over at Alphamom)…I could tell the stories in between the crafts and have a ton of photos that I’ve never actually published before. It could be like a giant coffee table book of photos and behind the scenes stories (Just think of all the pinterest fails!) all interwoven, scrapbook style into something really pretty. Sort of like the book, Under the Tuscan Sun but NOT like the movie because that was stupid and Hollywood-like with a plot and a love story and I’m not ready to write about my love story. But I could include some juicy bits just to keep it interesting. Does that sound like a good idea? I’m hoping so. Maybe that will be my big idea that I sell and then I can use the proceeds to build a loft in Payam’s house because I desperately feel like I need a room of my own, Virginia Wolf style.
I love, love, love Payam’s house. It really is beautiful but I’m desperate for some space of my own. I just need some blank walls that I can shoot photos in front of. His house has these amazing vaulted ceilings that we love so we’ve been plotting ways to put in a loft over the kitchen where there is currently an attic. It’s a brilliant idea but way out of our budget by like a hundred thousand dollars so it’ll happen on the tenth of never. But I can dream and who knows, maybe somebody out there reading this will like my crazy book idea and I can pitch it to a real company with an actual layout and a plan. I think I could do that, given the chance.
Not that this is a begging post by any means. Just spitting my ideas out there, stream-of-conscious style like I used to do back in the day. That’s the part of this blog that worked. When I just wrote for the sake of writing and I didn’t really care about traffic or worried about keeping up with the Whoorls of the world. I’m done with that.
Big paragraph here about that friendship that ended but I’m deleting it because I’m not quite ready to put all my feelings about that out there. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything she did to me. She’s still a wonderful person I’m sure. It’s just purely distance and time and different journeys, or whatever.) But it’s been hard for me not to miss that friendship or wonder why her blog is so successful while I make less and less time for mine and it just sits over here and rots. I could seriously go on for days about this and I do at four am when I should be sleeping but I’m going to make a conscious effort to move on. It’s been way too long. I’ve chosen a different path and maybe my path is the right one for me. I don’t think I could handle being famous anyway. The 10 percent hater formula is way too scary.
The week of no website taught me a lot about my dark thoughts, feelings of failure and overall drama of emotions. It was so bad I even finally went to the doctor and got my thyroid checked because it felt like PMS every day. My doctor told me I might have an enlarged thyroid and that it could certainly cause mood swings so I finally got it scanned. I haven’t gotten my results yet but I’m really hoping he’ll call me up and say, Guess what? You have hyperthyroidism so take a pill and you’ll lose weight and be happy all the time! Hahaha! Wouldn’t that be the American Dream?
Wow, I just noticed that I didn’t carry the left white bar all the way down on my grid of pictures up there. I do crap like that all the time. Half-assed-ness that the Whoorls of the world do not do. Normally, I would go back and fix it but I really want to finish this celebratory stream-of-consciousness post and get it published before I have to pick up the girls from school. Yeah, that’s the other reason I don’t write as much. Life is full of stuff. Like kids with their own minds and puppies that have to be walked or they eat up your plants and cause stage three destruction to your idyllic backyard that is no longer idyllic and instead is a wasteland of pavers and dog pee and dead chewed-up plants.
There goes my pick-up-the kids alarm! I love you! Thank you for still being here blog and readers and commenters and lurkers (I love lurkers of which I am one!) and decorative gourds! Happy decorative gourd season to everyone! Hope I get back here to post again before it’s over.
Oh yeah. I never told you what beating pillows with tennis rackets means. I’ll get to that next time. But I’m sure you have an idea.
18 Comments
Beck
I have no idea what beating pillows with tennis rackets means so please come back and write again soon.
bethany actually
I will forever love your blog because it led me to YOU, one of my best friends, and a hundred other Good Things. Who cares if you’re not famous? And I’d rather read about your real life than a carefully curated stylish person’s life that I’m supposed to envy any day. ;) I’m glad your blog is sticking around for a while. <3
BeachMama
Your post is fantastic!!! I can say that we have similar thoughts sometime :). Yesterday I pulled out my blog to show some old posts and it made me wish I still wrote every day. I keep meaning too, but there is just too much going on that I can’t even put out there. It makes me stop. One day perhaps. One day :)
SAJ
Yeah. That’s the thing. When every other paragraph you end up deleting because it’s private or not your story, it’s hard to find a story you can write about. Add a busy schedule and it’s gonesville.
Christy
I’m coming out of the lurking shadows to say that I’m glad you didn’t let your blog die. I’ve been reading/lurking since forever and love to catch up with you when it comes across my facebook/Instagram.
Melinda
I would so totally buy that book! If only I was a publisher and not an accountant I could probably do a little more to make that happen. I still love reading blogs and am always happy to see an update from you.
Ines
I’m a longtime lurker (since before you had your daughter!) I love your site and I’m glad you’re still hanging in there.
Sara
Another long-time lurker here. Your blog is by far my favourite and the only one I read with a voice that feels authentic to me. I am not a crafter, but I would buy your book for the story it tells. I hope it happens!
Ju
I think I came across your blog and Whoorl’s blog at the same time – I can’t remember how, but it was way back in the archives….anyhow, suffice to say that I now only subscribe to your updates! Your authenticity has made you a joy to follow….
Kay
I used to follow both and now only read SAJ as well.
LB
I’ve been reading and (mostly) lurking for at least a decade. Love posts like this one and I hope you never shut the old hag down :).
I read whorl too but I have to say I prefer your blog. It’s authentic and real and it sounds oh so corny but it’s been a treat and an honour over the years to read about your journey. Some of my favourite posts ever are yours and I’ve done a lot of blog reading over the years!
Beth
this is the only blog I read. I do comment from time to time, and I love reading your words, your style, your thoughts are all so great . thanks for continuing…….another lurker I guess!
islandmummy
Yours is the first blog I started reading back in 2006 when both our daughters were babies. I have missed your regular blog posts so much, and still check in at least once a week in hopes that you have posted. Most of the bloggers I used to read have closed up shop. I know, times change, and it’s all about insta/twitter/snapchat. I love those things, but I do lament the slow decline of blogging. All of that to say, that as long as you keep checking in, I will too. Thanks.
Teresa M
You can download your blog and make a book, Just print the pages some nice quality paper, and take them to a copy place and have them spiral bind them for you.
It will cost some, but not as much as a shutterfly book.
Or save it as a digital book on it’s own memory stick.
Then at least you still have it til you hit the lottery and can afford to make a real book
BTW I still love reading your blog and watching your journey!
Katie
Lurk. Lurk. Lurklurklurklurk!
……lurk. Which is my way of saying I like your blog.
Maddie
I’m on the other side of the blog/no blog thing. Since shutting mine down 4 years ago, I often wonder if I should start a new one (also, not that I want you to do it BY ANY MEANS but it was such a relief and a weight off my shoulders when I shut it down but then I am one of those minimalist-type people who loves throwing things away and feeling all free and stuff). Clearly I still yearn for the sharing aspect of it though because every time I see something awesome, I think “I’d really love to share this with everyone so they can see how awesome it is too!” So maybe that’s a sign I should go back to blogging again. So I am undecided like you are – just on the other end of the spectrum. Blogs are so fun. Your own little space. A place you can throw whatever you want out there. It can be whatever space you feel like coming to every day with a coffee in one hand and creative energy flying around in your head. OK so I think I may have convinced you to keep blogging (and me to go back to it again!) We’ll see where we both end up in 6 months ;-) Also that post about breastfeeding was HILAIRE!!! Love reading your blog. Hope it sticks around a while.
SAJ
I need a like button on these comments! Thank you! :) heart emoji etc…
pinky
I want a like button too! Or a love, because I love your blog and would be very sad if you packed it away.