Funny Stories

You might wonder why I’m posting all these pictures of myself, besides the obvious vanity and vexation explanation and there is one! I thought about the olden days when I used to write every day after work. I never really had a plan in mind when I started a post. I just rambled on about whatever, told a few funny stories and that was that. In fact, I remember my sister-in-law commenting that she never knew where I was going to end up from one paragraph to the next and that was actually a compliment! Long live stream-of-consciousness writing! Or drivel, either one.

I do have a funny story though!

I was at Mom 2.0 summit the other day. I didn’t actually go to the convention, I was just there for the Iris awards on Friday night. Alpha mom got nominated. We didn’t win though.  Boo hiss.  I was just there for the getting-dressed-up-and-seeing-friends part. Which was really fun by the way. But that’s not my story.

I got all dressed up in this new red dress that Payam bought me. It’s so pretty, I love it. Trying on twenty dresses under fluorescent light in Nordstrom Rack’s dressing room was an exercise in mental stamina but when I finally did find The Dress, I really really liked it. It’s long enough and form-fitted enough to hide everything I want to hide and show off everything I want to show off. It’s also very bright red and orange. Bug says the pattern is old lady flowers but the style is young lady so I figure that averages out to be just right.

I was running a bit late in leaving so on my way out I grabbed my fancy purse and my regular purse and planned on switching them out when I got there. When I got there however, I found out much to my dismay that they only had valet parking. Arg! I wasn’t ready! I couldn’t drive in my fancy pointy high heels so I was barefoot and scrambling to put on my fancy pointy heels and my purses were all out on display without any switching done. What do I do? What do I do!? Do I stash my big purse under my seat and hope the valet guy won’t steal all my credit cards? Do I take in both purses and pretend it’s a fashion statement? I had to think fast.

I stuffed my fancy purse inside my regular purse (that is actually not that big) and wore it stuffed to maximum capacity and completely non-functional all night long. It was SO not smooth. I was so nervous too which is silly but you know how it is when you’re going to an event that’s fancy and you haven’t seen people in ten years and you’re very nervous about saying the right thing and not looking like you gained the thirty pounds that you actually have gained since the last time you saw them.

Of course nobody noticed my bulging purse that was about to explode and nobody said anything and I pulled it off like I always do but sheesh! Isn’t that how things always go? It’s a good thing my friend Teri had counseled me to get a glass of wine the first thing when I got to the venue. I had called her for coaching because I was nervous about showing up solo. There is nothing worse than going to an event all by yourself with no buddy for back up and meeting people you haven’t seen in a long time. I was so worried that I wouldn’t find anyone and that I’d have to hold up the wall (putting my floral dress to good use I’m sure) all night long.

The funny thing was when I got to the bar and ordered my seventeen dollar drink, the only thing on the menu that I faintly recognized was a French rosé. I’m not usually a rosé drinker. I like malbecs and red blends because they taste nice and they’re not super expensive. They didn’t have anything like that of course.  I see a lot of fancy ladies drinking Rosé on instagram and swooning about it so that’s what I ordered. (It was delicious by the way.) Then when I got into the auditorium where the ceremony was held, a woman in a long flowing maroon dress turned to me and exclaimed, “Is that a French Rosé?!! You are my kind of people! I’m tired of drinking this swill they call champagne!” and then she promptly switched seats and sat next to me. And then over her shoulder I glimpsed that she had about eight thousand followers on Instagram. She was probably a celebrity. Nobody I knew and I didn’t get her name but it was kind of nice that my fumbling bravery and keen sense of survival had brought me classiness by accident.

In other funny stories: how cute are these puppies learning how to pose? I have lofty ideas that I will train them to sit side by side and face the camera patiently while I photograph them in this exact spot and it will be wonderful to see how they grow and change over the years. What can I say? I like challenges.