Prayer Beads
Caution: This post contains controversial topics that I’m super sensitive about.
PART A
The elephant in the room that has stopped me from blogging (and going home to visit my family…ugh, I know!) is that I’m dating a man who is not a Christian. (!!!)
There. I said it. This is a huge big deal for me and my family and all the friends who’ve helped me leave my marriage. Many people who care deeply about me think I am making another mistake. I’ve pulled away from people that I know won’t approve. Of course it hurts.
Maybe my fears are worse than reality.
He’s kind. He listens and understands when I don’t expect him to. He is a philosophy major so we talk about my faith and his lack of faith often. It’s not swept under the rug. Our future is messy and I can’t see beyond the next curve. Since I’m a five-year-plan kind of woman this scares me, of course.
However, I think we are in each other’s lives for a reason.
He has a daughter Bug’s age. We see each other at school and the park and we even have play-dates sometimes. It’s terribly convenient but of course we are cautious. He’s an ex too and nobody wants to replace anybody.
* * *
PART B
A lot of you know that Bug struggles with anxiety. To sum up a long story in a short sentence: It’s been a rough year.
Her dad and I waffle between telling her to tough it out and worrying that we aren’t offering her the help that she needs. We’re so afraid that she’ll be labeled, held back, treated differently if we give her special treatment but then when you see the fear in her eyes, and the fact that she can’t even walk up the ramp to her second grade class without dry heaving, you just want to wrap her up in your arms and take her home and let her finish out the year home-schooled.
But we don’t think that is the answer. We think it would make it worse actually but of course we could be wrong.
That’s the hardest part for us as parents is the second-guessing.
We’ve talked to professionals. We make sure she gets balanced meals and plenty of sleep. We’ve found comfort in prayer and reading the bible. Bug more so than me, even. Bug has become a regular little Pilgrims Progress requesting Proverbs and Fear-Not verses daily. We’ve tried mediation, and all kinds of re-setting the brain tricks. We’ve read books and worked workbooks. We’ve pretty much talked to everyone under the sun. We’ve found a therapist and had one get-to-know-you meeting. I have mixed feelings.
Her school is working with us (which is great) and some things are getting better. Some things work. Some things don’t work. Some things work until they don’t.
I finally understand how people feel when they say they don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’ve had so many strangers reach out to help Bug. She’s so adorable and everyone loves her. I totally get that and appreciate their intent but sometimes I just want to stop strangers and say, Yes, I have looked into your fish-oil-sweat-of-bees-vitamin-supplement-drops-electro-accupuncture-shock-therapy-musical-bears-yoga-pilates-ballet-therapy. Yes, I’ve tried to talking about “my happy place” and it doesn’t work! Please, just stop talking to me and let me get through my day with my crying child. And then I secretly punch them inside my head.
Deep breath.
Maybe I’m suffering from a little anxiety myself. (See part A) I dreamt I accidentally let another women’s children drown the other night. It was horrible. And then last night when a car alarm kept going off every twenty minutes between the hours of 11pm and 3 am, I dreamt I was in a parking lot maze with various members of my family jumping out from behind cars as zombies. I dreamt that if I could just find the car that was honking and blow it up with my bazooka, I could finally save Bug and escape to the next level of life.
* * *
Part C
But I didn’t write this post because I wanted to let you inside my brain. I wanted to share this craft that my friend made with Bug and his daughter. It was very thoughtful and it touched my heart.
He’d been thinking about Bug a lot and he wanted to share something that has helped him over the years: Prayer beads.
This is where I have to take a moment and talk to my family and friends who are conservative Christians.
I’m not converting to Islam. He is not even Muslim and even IF we were ever to blend our lives (which I can’t see because it’s behind a curve still!!!) he would never ever ever want us to convert to Islam. He is an American. He’s lived here most of his life and he wasn’t even raised Muslim. His parents are non-practicing Muslims. He’s not going to beat me or make me walk six paces behind him. I’m not going to start praying on a prayer rug or hang a clock on the wall that wails at me at three in the morning. I hate that I even have to preface this sweet craft with defensive disclaimers. I hate that I even have to be controversial and take on this subject. You know me. I hate this.
I know some of you don’t understand why I’m even feeling defensive but I have friends at all spectrums of faith and there have been times in my life where I have been that very conservative Christian and even taking a yoga class seemed like a way to open up my mind in ways I shouldn’t. I was not raised with prayer beads and they seem very Catholic (which I am not) and Muslim (which I am not). When I pray, I pray openly in sentences, not in repetition. I never understood prayer beads.
But now I do. They don’t have to be beads that you say prayers with. You can pray with them of course but they are more of a way to say a mantra over and over without losing track of where you are.
I remember when I was getting married I was a complete basket case (Bug doesn’t fall far from the tree) and Toby taught me to say over and over, “It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.” whenever I would start to panic. It worked. Sometimes when your mind gets stuck in a hamster wheel of worry, you have to stop it by forcing it to go down new paths.
Prayer beads are something you can touch as you force your brain to go down new paths. As you push each bead around you say to yourself something positive. Bug says, “It’s going to be okay. Nobody is going to puke today.”
When my friend gave Bug the prayer beads that he made for her we went out to get frozen yogurt and made a production out of it. He explained how it helped him when he was going through rough times. It was really really sweet. Then later we went to his house and she made one for her friend who also suffers from anxiety.
They counted out pretty beads, lined them up in a pattern in a crack on the coffee table and then strung them together with very fine string. Then they wrapped the ends with embroidery floss and made a tassel. It was strange sitting back and not being in charge of a craft for once.
And then we went home.
I’m sad that I had to mess up this really pretty craft with all my internal arguments. What a drag, right?
Moving to Irvine has been a really big learning curve for me. We are surrounded by a lot of people from different countries with different faiths. We’ve made so many new friends and opened our minds to so many new things. Good things, not bad things! New foods, new customs, new traditions, new feelings… it’s a new way of life. I like it. I’m happy here. Even though I feel like a foreigner sometimes, I feel like I belong here.
Part D
I just want to say from my heart that I appreciate my past and everyone. I don’t want to turn my back on anyone. I’m just afraid of the criticism. I miss this blog. I want to let you into my life and how it is going. I really really do. I also want to ask you to please try to understand.
New things are scary but they aren’t always wrong.
64 Comments
Calee
We Love You! And prayer beads! And prayer ropes! And the power of prayer :)
Tamara Lang
Oh B. This makes my heart hurt for you. I understand how it feels when you’ve had your world expanded and those close to you are afraid. What an amazing person to think about Bug’s anxiety and help her. I pray that one day soon you will all look at this time and think about how hard this time was, and how wonderful life is after.
I hope you decide to open up and share more. I miss you :)
Sally Hackney
Life is so amazing…how it can be so stressful and exciting all at the same time. Love the prayer beads! Thinking of you and Bug…take care.
Leahpeah
I ended up marrying a man that wasn’t Mormon (or even Christian, really) and that just about did my family in initially. And I had all kinds of internal issues with it because even though I wasn’t Mormon anymore and hadn’t been for years, the stuff you are raised with lingers. He said he was agnostic and I had to figure out how I felt about that and him. I’m so glad now that I went forward with our relationship for many reasons, but one is that it gave me space to figure out what I believed independent of my family traditions. I’ll always be so thankful for that.
The reality is that after almost 12 years together, the labels don’t mean anything. It’s all in how you treat each other and how you make each other feel. You get to interpret how they treat you and make you feel as Christian or religious or just love or whatever.
And how he makes me feel is loved and cherished and he shows that every day with his actions and words. My family loves him now. It’s the long game and it might take some time for your friends and family to see who this new guy is to you and who he is inside, but if they hang in there, they’ll see. And if they don’t, well….
I took a break from some of my family for a few years. It was ok to make that choice.
As for Bug: you not shaming her for her feelings is the most important thing, whatever else you’re doing. All the potions and correct foods and whatevers only amounts to so much and maybe nothing. It’s incredibly hard to watch your kids go through things like this and you feel it along with them and are never sure if you’re making the right decisions or not. But not making her feel bad about what she’s going through? That’s the main thing and it sounds like you’re doing that part awesome. Great job, you. xoxo
Samantha
I hate that you feel like you have to explain yourself or your choices. I have read your blog for FOREVER and let me tell you: you are a grown woman. You can make your own choices. You can date who you want to date. It’s good and well to question your beliefs and be open to others’ ways of life – just because it helps us understand. The world is big and beautiful and interesting and God is right there with you in all of it. When I think of prayer beads, I think of rosaries, which just help someone keep track of their prayers. I know some of my church members have made prayer necklaces for someone going through something – really as a gesture of love, something to wear and know that people are praying for them. How kind for your friend to try to help Bug in a way that has helped him.
Karen
Much luck reaching some understanding with your family and friends. I’m agnostic myself, but sometimes I wonder what Jesus (the historical figure as I understand him) would think of different people. I’m betting Jesus would think your new guy is pretty cool.
Carrie
*big hugs* I am so very, very happy for you that you have a new man in your life who is making you happy. I am so sad for you that you have to preface so many things with disclaimers. I really hope your family and friends are able to open their minds and love you through this time. If they can’t? That says a lot more about them than you. *more hugs*
Christine
I’m so happy that you’ve met someone and you’re not letting anyone’s preconceptions (even your own) stand in the way of you being happy. Just maybe, you being happy can help Bug be happier too. I love that he did this with the girls – such a thoughtful, meaningful thing, and a craft as well! Clearly a good match for you.
I’m sure you know there’s a thing called Generalized Anxiety Disorder – is that what she’s up against? I don’t know if you know Jessica of Balancing Everything (surely you do; everyone in the blogoverse knows everyone, right?) but her eldest suffers from it. She might have some tips – and she always has love and also funny stories.
Sending you big love from the other side of the country.
bethany actually
You know we love you and Bug, and will keep you in OUR prayers. I love the idea of prayer beads! I’m thinking they could work like a prayer list too, each bead reminding me of someone I need to pray for.
Your friend is a very sweet, thoughtful guy. :-)
Amanda Brown
Your heart is so lovely, SAJ, and that is what comes through the most in all of this. Your heart for Bug, for your family, for your past and also your future.
Helena
Gosh Brenda. How about a huge awkward stranger hug and even more awkward LOVE YOU from the NYC H.
xoxoxox
SAJ
awwww… thanks! Back at you!
BeachMama
You are still you Brenda. I will pray for both you and Bug that things get easier for both of you. For what it’s worth, I married a non-Christian which was hard for my family but 19 years later and we are still going strong and the family has prettying forgotten that he isn’t a Christian. It’s what is in your own heart that is important. Love you xo
Jen Wilson
Part A: One of the most kind, compassionate, and caring guys I dated was not a Christian. I got a guilt-trip from my family every time I dated a non-Christian. It was frustrating. I think it’s great that you guys talk about faith. I personally think that if you’re cool with his faith (or lack of) and he’s cool with your faith, and you talk about it, it’s all good! Many Christian men are complete jerks, many non-Christian men are amazing. :)
Part B: The fact that you and Toby talk about this together and are looking out for her best interest is awesome. That’s the most important thing. You’re doing everything you can for her and looking into every option because you love her. That’s the best you can do! And I can relate the nightmares. I wish they’d stop and die a fiery, horrible death. (Oh, and I love the reward system you have for her.) :)
Part C: I love this a lot. I love learning other cultures/customs. And I laughed at the line where you said it was weird that you weren’t in charge of the craft. :)
Part D: (((HUG)))
Cathy
Glad you shared – even if you made me cry, bringing my own dating-a-guy-I’m-“not-supposed-to” be-dating and mine and my daughter’s anxiety issues, right down to the icky nightmares. The prayer beads are lovely and even if my daughter’s turning 19, we might need to give it a go, for the beauty alone! (Can you share where to buy the beads?)
I guess I’m just saying you are not alone and from where I sit, you are making smart and good choices and I hope your dreams turn sweet very soon. Another awkward stranger HUG!
debbie angel
Dear Brenda. I love u very much and your family. I will keep u all in my prayers
Catie
I have horrible doctor anxiety, which I always admit to a new doctor immediately and while most doctors and nurses are kind about it, the advice I get most often is, “don’t be anxious!” Oh, okay. Thanks! I feel so much better now!! Or afterwards they say, “see, what wasn’t so bad!” Right and if anxiety had anything to do with logic THERE WOULDN’T BE ANY ANXIETY. I think the prayer beads are a wonderful (and beautiful) idea and while I use mantra and repetitive prayers to manage my anxiety, I think having prayer beads would be a nice thing for me, too.
mary
Hi Brenda, this is mary your old neighbor… we miss and love you guys dearly… im very happy to hear you have a new guy in your life, and i know lena will be ok… give her a hug from me please… talk to you soon
SAJ
We miss you too! Thank you. :)
Beck
That last sentence is perfect. Thanks for being real and honest. I get so much from it.
Nina
Your post reminded me about how life can be so jumbled and so beautiful, angst ridden and happy, all mixed together.
I love the idea of the prayer beads. I don’t know if it is a national program, but in our city we have Beads of Courage- children who are ill and in the hospital earn them as they go through difficult procedures. I looked at the beautiful beads that Bug was stringing and wondered if a strand of beads could be created, earned bead by bead, for going through anxious and scary times?
I think of friends and family of many different faiths- and it seems to me there are more things that we have alike than separate us, the “golden rule” the best of guidelines.
I am happy that you have the friends that you have made- good people to buoy you along on life’s journey.
And- you are doing the best by Bug in helping her with anxiety. There are no easy answers or easy fixes- I’ve been there- but you are a good and loving mother and with all the steps you are taking this will work itself out. If things are truly scary and they get worse, don’t ever force a situation- I’ve found that with children (and horses too) that it only makes things worse in the long run. Work on building confidence.
Thank you for sharing such an honest and heartfelt post.
bethany actually
Oh, I love the idea of earning a bead for each scary/anxious moment survived! I mean, life is scary and anxiety-inducing so we’d all be struggling to walk under the weight of our necklaces, but still. I love the idea of celebrating fears conquered–or at least survived.
BeachMama
That is a fabulous idea!! A bead colour for each day she goes to school without tears, a special colour for finishing something that was hard…. It would be a good reward/system to help her get through her anxieties.
mamalang
We used a bead reward system in Sunday School one year, and it was a huge hit. We gave beads out for completing various tasks, showing up, participating, doing kind deeds, etc. A few times throughout the year, we would open the bead store, and they could trade their earned beads for goodies. With the necklace for hard things, you could add in reward incentives for so many beads.
Now I want someone to give me beads for doing hard things :)
Arine
Please, Brenda, put all the other voices aside and listen to your own heart. You do know what is best for you and your daughter. And I truly believe that when we look inside and listen that we will hear God speaking truth to us too. Regardless of how others react or think. You are a courageous honest woman! Its why I love your blog!!
Courtney
Thank you for sharing.
It sounds weird, but I’m really rooting for you. Everyone deserves happiness and it’s sad that your happiness is somewhat tainted by the fear of everyone’s opinions and thoughts. I wish it was easy to just ignore everyone else, but you can’t.
The prayer beads are a beautiful idea. I really hope that they bring comfort to Bug (and her friend). What a thoughtful gift for your friend to share with her. :)
Lori O
What a great activity! I think it is nice that she has something tangible to touch as she repeats a positive statement.
I am happy that you have found someone that you are happy with. I hope that your family will come around when they see what a blessing it is to have him in you life.
I’ve been thinking of you and hoping you had found a way to help your sweet Bug. I’m glad that it seems like your Ex is working with you. I need to keep reminding myself to just keep breathing… Because otherwise I don’t know if I could handle everything.
Elizabeth
Thank you for sharing with us. I’ve read your blog for years and as much as anyone can know a person from reading her blog, I can tell — you are a wonderful person. Thoughtful, ethical, loving, full of integrity. You deserve happiness and you deserve to be yourself. You have the right to make your own choices, and it saddens me that anyone would judge you for them.
I think your friend sounds lovely — and if you are happy, that is ALL that matters about that relationship.
I am very sorry Bug is having a hard time with anxiety, but she is very intelligent and sensitive, and people like that feel very deeply. I know you and Toby will do everything you can for her, and I have no doubt she knows that too.
You are doing just fine. I think you lead an exemplary life. Don’t let others bring you down — you are only answerable to yourself and Bug.
Katie
There is a lot of love in your post. Love with your new guy, the love you and Toby have for Bug as you continue to work as a team to support her, the love you have for your family and friends – if you didn’t care about them their approval wouldn’t mean so much to you, and the love you have for your God. So hold on to the love and take it one thing at a time.
margalit
As youknos, my son is severely anxious. He is 21 now and is so riddled with anxietythat he is unable to do simple things like fill out a form or make a phone I would be happy to talk about this. It really is heartbreaking.
I have a mala I have used for almost 40 years. It hss 36 wooden beads and is considered Buddhist.Maybe that makes it easier?
Emmaline E.
I’m a longtime reader (and lurker), and I’ve gathered that you are thoughtful and intentional when it comes to the people you love. Have faith in your heart when it comes to this relationship. We don’t always have to be able to see the big picture — sometimes the moment is the gift we most need to give ourselves. Any man who would take time to make prayer beads for a little girl, and then teach her to make one for her friend, is special.
I’ll avoid giving you advice on Bug (don’t want you to imaginary punch me), but as an anxious child myself I can say that in hindsight I wish my parents had taken an approach more similar to yours and Toby’s. I’m learning my coping skills now, at age 30; even if Bug takes a slow journey through her anxiety, at least y’all are giving her those tools early on. Listen to her concerns, learn coping skills with her, and love her through it all. Every child is different, but those three things are universal.
A (shorter) strand of prayer beads might make a nice bracelet if Bug doesn’t want to take the larger strand to school. I find my prayer bracelet very helpful during times of great anxiety…
Annabet
Brenda, I think you are doing a beautiful job in your life and here’s the key….it’s your life! Do what works for you and Bug and all the rest will fall into place! You go girl!!
Tora
You are a remarkable woman with an absolutely perfect daughter.This is coming from a 67 year old grandmother. You don’t owe any explanations to anyone! I’ve been reading your blog since before your split and I admire your strength and courage. Stay true to yourself and Bug – you know exactly what to do.
sleepynita
Who cares who or what he is, was or is related to or whatever? It appears he is a compassionate, thoughtful and lovely man who makes you happy, and quite frankly anyone who thinks anything different can go suck rocks. And the little girls are totally adorable together!
Heather Sanders
Part A: Those who love you and helped you when you needed it will not ever love you less. Love is love; period.
Part B: I will be praying for Bug’s anxiety.
Part C: I have always thought rosaries were beautiful. Like Bethany, I have considered using them differently. I think they would be excellent in memorizing scripture, which is what diffuses my anxiety when I feel overwhelmed.
Part D: I’m glad you came out of hiding. I’ve missed your posts.
mamalang
There goes Heather with her beautiful words again.
SAJ
She does have a way… :) Thank you Heather. (And everyone else too!!)
Johanna
Hugs to you.
Susan:)
I’m so glad that you posted this. I’ve missed your posts. I can kind of understand your anxiousness about your family and your friend. I too was raised very conservative Christian and had certain ideas about people of other faiths and whatnot. For the past five years I’ve been living with and heavily interacting with my brother in law and his extended family, who are all Jewish. This has led me to view many things differently than how my parents do and how I was raised. And it’s a good thing! My mom doesn’t quite understand and is still very concerned about me (and my nieces) having what she feels is the right way to believe. But I’ve learned that there’s no one right way and everyone is going to be just fine, even if we aren’t living the way we were raised. It’s hard sometimes, but you get through it.
As for Bug, I’m so sorry to hear she’s still having anxiety. I have had it as an adult but I didn’t as a kid, so I don’t have any perspective on that. But from what I know from others, working with a therapist you trust should be helpful. It sounds like you are doing all you can and being loving and supportive. I hope the beads help her too.
By the way, where did you get that adorable dress Bug is wearing? My six yr old niece would love it!
I hope that you continue blogging, because you always have great things to say. Not only do I enjoy reading your posts, I usually learn something too! I totally get the fear of criticism, but I think you have a lot of people here who love and support you. You are awesome!
SAJ
Thanks, you. :)
Bethany actually got that dress for Bug in Hawaii. I’m not sure what store but I’ll ask.
Katherine
Sending you and Bug big hugs from Scotland, whenever you post about her anxiety it breaks my heart because I was an anxious child too and I know how hard it is for her. I have no idea what the right answer is, maybe I could have done with being home schooled, maybe not, who knows! But I am ok now, I got through it all and am married with a lovely little boy and a good job. I think Bug will be ok because it sounds like you and Toby are working hard to help her, it might just take a long way round.
I’m glad to read you are happily dating someone too, that is great news and I hope the people who matter will not judge you and just let you be. Take care x
Jenn
Long-time reader, first time poster. Love your blog!
It just boggles my mind that people get hung up on someone not being a certain religion in this day in age.
I’m an Atheist and I’m a perfectly decent person with morals, standards of behavior, etc. I mean, I only slaughter kittens every 4th full moon, not like I’m doing it full-time ;).
I’m in a “mixed” long-term relationship with an Iraqi man and I’ve found that outside pressures often have more affect on “mixed” relationships than the actual people do. Good luck! :)
Lori
I’m so sorry to hear about Bug’s continuing struggle with anxiety. I hope you know how AMAZING it is that you recognize it, and are trying your best to help her.
My husband’s mother suffered from anxiety. The family talks about how she would get hives and have difficulty moving whenever she was around people, even at school. They said she was nervous. Until she passed, she never received treatment. My husband received treatment for his early onset anxiety only after he reached adulthood. We have worked through five years of recovery. Notice the common problem? There was no recognition of a problem. There was no treatment.
I want to share this so you understand that EVERYTHING you do to try to help, really does help. It really, really, matters. Did you know that anxiety disorders (if that is the case) have a recovery rate? Its chance is increased with early treatment and a support system. You’re already doing both! I want you to hear that you are doing amazing things for your daughter. Things that so many daughters never have. Your daughter has a wonderful and bright future where she can handle her anxieties.
Tracy
We LOVE you unconditionally and warm thoughts are always being sent your way! Enjoy your life and never give a second thought to naysayers even if it’s just the one on your head. All good things, Tracy in Connecticut.
Kerry
Reading about how kind and supportive both Toby and your new friend have been to Bug through her anxiety makes me think you have good reason to trust your own instincts when it comes to men. And considering how close Bug is to becoming a teenager and then a young woman and dealing with questions about dating and being a part of the wider world, I think she is also very lucky to have a mother who has faced some of these challenges for her first…even if you can’t give her all the answers.
Carol Lucas
Sending hugs to you, Brenda, and your precious daughter. It seems like there is always someone of my friends and family who disapproves of something I do. In the end, I decided that I need to do what makes me happy. I finally did that 3 years ago, almost 4 now, and I have no regrets. Sending prayers and blessings.
Lisa
Praying for you and Bug, Brenda! As a friend to some of your relatives, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for many many years and have missed your frequent posts. I’m very sorry for the struggles you’ve been going through and will “take it to The Lord in prayer”. Love and Hugs!
K
I live in London, have been brought up with very liberal ideas, and I must admit reading this I realise that I take multiculturalism/multi-perspectives for granted. In fact, drawing attention to differences is not considered acceptable, generally. So – I guess I’m naively surprised this is an issue, and sincerely hope (realising it isn’t to be assumed) that the people in your life are accepting and that your relationship blossoms, as you deserve all kinds of happiness.
K
By the way I really feel for Bug; sending her all positive vibes. However the comment about the honey-therapy-yoga-ballet… made me laugh. I feel your pain!
isaida
so glad you are back. thinking of you and bug.
Liz Schwartz
He and his daughter are gorgeous.
Kathy
I love you and always have. I have a feeling that you are most afraid of doing something that will disappoint your family and friends but you need to do what you feel is right before the Lord. No one has a monopoly on the truth but the Scriptures will guide you without fail. I will always love and support you. Go in peace. Praying for Bug.
Heather
Loved this post! So happy things are going well with the new man. Even though it makes you worry. I say go for it, do what you want to do and be happy.
Heather
Maybe someone already mentioned this, or you’ve seen it, but do you know about worry dolls? Kind of a similar take on other things you’ve tried I’m sure for Bug, but thought I’d throw it out there.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worry_doll
Chiara
I have been reading you for years and years and this is probably my first comment ever. I miss your blog posts so much! You have such a huge and creative heart and mind. I can really see both sides (from the little you shared) but over the years what I gleaned is that Toby and you not working out was not because he wasn’t Christian but because you are more of extrovert than he is. I can understand your family’s love and concern and sure, things would be simpler for everyone if you found a Christian person as a romantic partner. But that isn’t how life works and you can’t shut out someone who is kind, and good and loving to you and Bug. You deserve to be happy and to be loved too. Hopefully, everyone will come around very soon!
Stephanie
Thank you for sharing all of that. I hear you and I totally get it. I come from a religious background, I moved outside of it a bit and married “outside the faith” much to the disappointment (and concern) of some family and friends. But I’m happy and secure with where I am now, spiritually and otherwise. But it’s sure hard to explain the struggle to someone who wasn’t brought up with it. So, thank you again. As much as there are people who may oppose you, there are so many of us out there standing besides you! *hug*
Angela
Hi Brenda,
I haven’t commented here in ages, but felt compelled to do so with your heartfelt and moving post. Follow your heart and your intuition. I’ve been reading your blog for many years now and enjoy your honesty and down to earth perspective on life. Your gentle, loving and sweet spirit always shines through in your posts. Your love and admiration for your beautiful daughter, Bug, is so wonderful to see, your unwavering support of her and her anxiety issues, is truly inspirational.
I know you will do what is best for yourself and Bug, please believe in your strength and positive energy. Please take care. Angela
Lulu
Thank you for sharing. This is what makes your blog special. It’s never just flowers and butterflies because its life.