I’ve got a valentine for you! Actually I’ve got a bunch of them.

Black cats without pajamas!

and

Black cats with pajamas!

Because who really knows what that phrase means anyway? Not me!

So print on, fine soldiers, and kiss those dollar-ninety-eight, licensed-character, drugstore valentines Sayonara! You didn’t need those chalky heart candies anyway!

#buymybook! cough cough