When you read the title of this post you have to make sure you say it super fast and a bit high-pitched like the maids do at a hotel, okay? Because that is the way it is supposed to read. I’m the boss around here. Hah.

I have stuff I need to discuss with you. If you feel like it, of course.

I’m working on the colors book. I’m ALMOST done. I have one more page to go and then the title page and such, which is really easy. But the last color is silver and of course the first illustration that pops into my head is a silver salamander seeking single sea horses on match.com or something. By the way, the color book is all in alliteration because I like books like that and I thought it would be fun. You’ll see. It’s not your average color book.

But I’m worried that a salamander seeking sea horses for summertime fun is not appropriate for kids. What do you think? He could just be seeking friends on the computer. Kids do that these days, right? And it’s sort of edgy like my U is for underwear page in my alphabet book which has gone over pretty well. I don’t think it’s offensive but then I know there are a zillion critics out there. As a parent or adult reading to a younger child, would you find that offensive or funny? My gut is to just go with it because usually the illustrations that shine strongest in my head are the easiest and most fun to make. AND I like books that have inside jokes for the parents.

Next: Blogher!!! Wooooo hooo! Guess what? I won the Knorr cooking contest for my Chicken Chili Chocolat recipe. Can you believe it? That was unexpected. I’m not a foodie and I don’t even have a cooking blog but I might be participating in a cook-off in front of an audience at Blogher! Whoa!!! I’m kind of scared actually! I hope don’t get stricken with the shakey voice. I used to get that in public speech class. Shudder. Though I think I can just make fun of myself and get through it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be the worst cook there.

There is a chance I might not do this though because the only reason I entered this contest was to get a ticket for my sister-in-law and now there’s some small print about the prize (worth $3K!!) not being transferrable which is a real drag since I can’t really use any of the prize otherwise. I already bought my blogher ticket back in February, I’m sharing a hotel room with a friend and I only live an hour and a half away from San Diego so it’s not like I need a plane ticket. I really hope they work something out for me because I think this would be super fun for me and CC.

And since we’re on the subject of blogher and everybody seems to be asking, here is what I am wearing. Probably, maybe.

I’ll probably just pack every single item in my closet that I like and decide when I get there. That’s my usual strategy. Though I have some new dresses that my mom made me buy and they are pretty snazzy. The one in the middle is super tight and fitted but it has black stripes in all the right places so it makes me look like I’m two sizes skinnier than I am. I’m thinking that might be the perfect Secret Agent outfit when I’m on stage cooking. Pow! Bam! Snag! Grease stain! Wait, no snags or grease stains on my new dress!! I don’t know. I’m just going to wing it. If all else fails, I’ll just wear jeans and my favorite tank top with sequins (!).

So what do you think? The housekeeper wants to know. And yes, those animation marks on my shoulders in the middle dress are emphasizing the GIANT shoulder pads. I’m so 80’s flashback. But hey, when you got hips like I do, you gotta work it. It worked back then, it’ll work now. I’m not too proud to beg. Cue Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.