sad post
I woke up this morning crying. I had a dream about my grandma (who passed away ten years ago)… wait, don’t stop reading! This is not a blog about my dream!
Why is it that blogging about dreams is so boring? I don’t know why this is true but even when the best bloggers blog their dreams I find myself clicking away. It’s just the way it is, I guess. Either way, this post is not about my dream. Besides, it’s just a 15-minute post anyway so you won’t miss much if you click away.
So anyway! I dreamt that my grandma came to visit me as a ghost. She was so small and collapsed into herself in her ruffled lacy pink dress… just how I remember her. She wanted to hug me because I was sad over something or other but when I went to hug her back, she told me not to because all the other people in the room would see me hugging someone invisible and think it strange.
That is so like my grandma to be worried about that and so much like me. Anyway, I woke up and I never did hug her. But it wasn’t terribly sad other than the fact that I miss her and I really wish she was still alive. I woke up crying just the same. It’s kind of weird to wake up with real tears in your eyes. I didn’t know I could cry in my sleep.
No matter how hard I tried to shake those tears, I couldn’t. They just kept coming. Everyone else in the house was still asleep so I sat in bed and thought and thought about my grandma and how the last time I had a dream about her it was the day that my sister-in-law CC miscarried her baby Ashley. Was Grandma trying to tell me that someone was going to die again? I really doubt that but I just felt heavy-hearted about it anyway.
I walked out into the cold living room and called my grandpa. Big mistake. It was 6:30 in the morning and I woke him up. I’m amazed that he even picked up the phone. He’s been in the hospital lately and not well at all. He didn’t seem too upset at me for waking him up but he could barely hear me anyway. He has terrible hearing and I have a soft voice. Together those two things make it impossible for us to communicate. It didn’t help that I was fighting back tears and making horrible gasping sounds in between my over-enunciated sentences. I don’t think he understood a word I said. I hung up feeling frustrated.
What a weird way to start my day. Go hug your grandma. That’s all I can say. I’m sorry!
Note: the little girl on my Grandma’s lap is not Bug. It’s my niece Rapunzel.
11 Comments
Kuky
I’m sorry you woke up sad and crying. I’ve woke up like that before. Once it happened when I couldn’t remember the dream but woke with this bleak oppressive feeling. It was awful. Hope your day gets better.
sizzle
I’ve woken up crying. It’s such a lonely, disturbing feeling. Hard to shake. I don’t have any living grandparents anymore. I miss my grandma all the time.
Madge
Waking up crying is awful. I did this recently, but I think I was having a bad trip or something. It was more of a panic than anything else. I hope everyone is alright and you’re feeling better.
bethany
I’ve done it too, and it’s so hard to shake those feelings. Hugs to you, and I’ll call my Grandma tomorrow!
Jummy
Aww, I’m sorry, Brenda. I hope you’re feeling better now. I can’t wait to hug my grandmas again in about a month (they live halfway around the world!).
Elda @ Peace-inthe-Storm
The first three pregnancies, I dreamt of my grandfather. He was there, with his powerful presence, smiling at me. When my grandmother passed away (I was three months pregnant with my fourth) she joined him in my dreams. This pregnancy, I should have known something was wrong when neither of them appeared in my dreams.
Just last night I found out that there is no baby. A blighted ovum they call it. Nothing to “miscarry” except an empty sac. I’m sitting here, cramping and with back pain waiting for my body to take care of itself as naturally as possible.
I didn’t wake up with tears in my eyes, but I certainly went to bed with them.
I’m sorry you had such a frustrating morning. I hope your day starts looking better.
Becky Z
Brenda,
I’m sorry to hear that Grandpa is not doing very well. I’ve heard that he was in the hospital awhile ago. I feel bad that I’m so far away from him.
I miss Grandma too. I can hardly believe it’s been 10 years. I have so many pleasant memories of both of them.
love,
Becky
DeeJay
I’ll cry with you. And hug you too, if you want. xo.
Becca
Brenda ~ I’ll be calling my gramma and granny tomorrow. I’ve only had one dream of my great-grammy after she passed and I miss her, but I saw her at the end in the hospital so frail and in pain so I am glad she is in a better place (I think). But I dream often of a friend that passed when I was 16 (she was 17). They don’t usually make me cry though. Dreams of my kids getting hurt/stolen/lost are the ones that wake me up crying. Many *HUGS* to you. Hope your day got better.
Elda ~ I’m so sorry. *HUGS*
Cc
Amber doesn’t really remember Grandma all that well. She was almost 2 1/2 when she passed.
Grandma would have loved Suki and Bug like they were the only grandchildren on earth.
I can see her buying tons of pink outfits for them.
Someday we’ll see her again.
I miss her too.
Amy
My grandma died a week ago (and the other died just over a year ago), so my grandmas are close to my heart right now. I want to hug them both so badly.
I also want to hug my sister–she lives far away and while she was at grandma’s side as she was dying, and I was here, she had a miscarriage. She hasn’t even had a chance to grieve the loss of her baby because she was so wrapped up in taking care of our dying grandma and grieving for her.