Guess what time it is?! It’s time to pack up and go to BlogHer!!! Wooo Hooo! This is my first time. I’m a “blogher virgin.” Oooooh. Scary. I know everyone is probably sick of hearing about blogher this and blogher that…and I’m sorry to be yet another mouth spouting off but I have to write just a few things because I’m a tiny bit nervous.

However, unlike everyone else, I do not have any social anxiety disorders. Wow. Can you believe it? Three cheers for not needing meds! (Or three cheers for denial, either one.) I’m actually pretty good at small talk and I’m super-excited to be in the middle of a big noisy crowd! If there is really good music at the parties, I might even bust a move. I can’t promise that I’ll be a good dancer. I might smack you with my flailing “butterfly arms” but I’m not shy, usually. (Is there even going to be music at the blogher parties?)

Of course there was that one time ages and ages ago when I went bowling with the after-work crowd and I started getting really insecure when all the Hottie McHotties of the office showed up with their own engraved bowling balls and matching team shirts. And yes, I sort of um…snuck off and hid in some long dark maroon-carpeted hallway until the cops came looking for me. That was a bad moment for me.

But I’ve moved way way way past that. That was like fifty million years ago.

I think the hardest thing for me now in social situations is just not talking loud enough. I have a really soft voice that sounds loud in my head. You hear mouse squeaks and think I’m shy and demure but in my head I am shouting like a big attention-seeking maniac. It’s really hard for me to project for some stupid reason. So sometimes I just don’t talk at all because no one can ever hear me.

The other thing I’m worried about is that there are soooooooo many people I want to meet! I think I’m going to go crazy! I’m going to be that social butterfly whom everyone hates because she yappity-yaps so much and is distracted all the time. “Hey look there’s so-and-so gotta run!” I hate that. I’m going to try really hard to listen well and not explode from over-excitement.

The other thing I’m afraid of is that I’m going to blank on people’s names. Some of you comment every day and you really are a huge part of my life but I’m scared that when I meet you in person (and you better introduce yourself to me because I do want to meet you!!!) my brain hard drive is going to get stuck on search mode, trying to remember who you are, and I might crash and have to be re-booted.

That is one thing I really am ashamed of on this site. The fact that I don’t emotionally invest myself in my readers as much as you do in me. It’s all I can do to put a post together a few times a week and check on my family’s many many blogs. I try to get out and about to read your blogs but often I do not. I’m always getting surprised when I find out someone is moving all the way across the country or they just had a baby and I had no clue even though they had been writing about it for half a year.

I want to apologize for that. It’s something that I’ve thought about a lot and a choice I have made to keep my sanity. Maybe someday when Baby Bug is in school I’ll be a better blog-reader and commenter but for now I’m mostly just a one-sided blogger. So feel free to slap me upside the head when you meet me in person. I deserve it.

There you have it! I can’t wait to meet everybody. If you’re going to be there, please introduce yourself in the comments so I can study up and not be such an idiot.

A word about the illustration…I had this daydream that if I had a GIANT yellow bag I would feel less insecure about myself because you all would be dazzled by my bag. Just think of how handy it would be in photos. Everyone would say, oh there’s SAJ and her giant yellow bag! But sadly, I do not have a giant yellow bag. So it’ll just have to be in my imagination. I guess I could steal one from Ikea but I don’t want to do that and besides those bags are noisy and crinkly. I’ll survive. I’m tough.

Also, I’ll have my trusty sidekick cc with me.