Would you still love me if you smelled me?
The first time I remember someone telling me I had bad breath was before I was five years old. I only know this because we lived in Eureka at the time. We moved from Northern California to Southern California when I was five.
I have very few memories from back then. I remember the color of the pink carpet in our house. I remember running around on it with my brother like crazy wild-things in our slippered pajamas. I remember my uncle was visiting and he was playing us songs on his guitar.
We loved his songs. My uncle is very funny and he’d often make up songs about regular every day happenings in our life. He’d have us rolling with laughter. My favorite song was called “Birds Eat and Eat and Eat” and it was taken from some random book I checked out at the library. Because of that song, that book quickly became my favorite book and I checked it out over and over trying to relive the fun of my uncle’s singing.
But this night I remember trying to squeeze into the chair with my brother and my rather large uncle and his guitar. Maybe I was climbing up the back or sitting on the arm, I don’t remember. I just remember my uncle telling me to go brush my teeth after I had just brushed them already. I ran back down the hall and brushed them again. I hated the taste of toothpaste but I wanted to hear another song. And that is where that memory ends.
* * *
Fast-forward to college. I am living at my aunt and uncle’s house (a different uncle than the guitar-playing uncle). I am going to Cal State Hayward in the Bay Area and the world is a great big scary place for me. I am living with them because I am not quite ready to be on my own and live in a dorm like my classmates.
I’ve never been called an old soul. I’ve always felt and looked four years younger than I really am and because of that, college itself is terrifying. I never even drove on a freeway before I moved here. Every day feels like the first day of school.
I am standing at the counter where the family room meets the kitchen. It is a big counter with large brick-like white tiles. The grout between the tiles is putty-colored but very clean. My aunt’s house is always clean and this is a novelty to me. I feel like I’ve moved up a notch on the caste system because I am living in a two-story house that has lush brown carpet which is vacuumed more than twice a week.
I am leaning on the counter and my aunt says she has a present for me. It’s a little bottle of green fluid. The tiniest bottle you have ever seen. The size of one of those food-coloring squirters. It reminds me of green food coloring. It’s concentrated mouthwash and it smells like alcohol. Though I do not know what alcohol smells like yet because I am young and naive.
My aunt explains to me that sometimes I have really bad breath and these drops will help. She shows me how to dispense a drop or two on my tongue. It tastes like Nyquil and I hate it but I squirrel it away in my pocket and use it daily.
I didn’t know I had bad breath. I start to become obsessed and think about it more than being fat (which is a lot). I worry that I’ve been spewing brown clouds of death all these years and no one has told me. I feel like I am handicapped and I can’t tell anyone. I lump myself in with the kids I remember from high school that had b.o. so bad that everyone shunned them and made jokes about them when they were out of earshot.
Eventually, I forget about this sequence of events and learn to live in the real world anyway. I think I may have confided in a few girl friends and being the great friends that they were, they consoled me and told me they had never noticed that I had bad breath. Maybe they lied or maybe they really couldn’t smell anything.
* * *
I am home from college for the summer. I am cocky and self-assured. I am the big shot in my small hometown. My head is filled with liberal ideas from the big city and for once I don’t feel like a floundering idiot. Even though I have a so-called boyfriend, I go out on dates with some of my old high-school friends who happen to be men now.
I don’t think of the dates as “dates”. But I do get dressed up and practice my newly-acquired flirtation skills. I am an awful flirt. Years later I will cringe when I think of the things I use to say to the boys I collected like shiny rocks. I do not realize it now, but I am naive fool.
Hormones were raging but I am a goody-goody church girl who reads her bible everyday. I am a walking contradiction in my cut-off jeans so short you can see my butt cheeks hanging out the bottom. I have never kissed a boy or even held hands.
I am out to dinner with an old high school friend. He is a cute Mexican boy who sat next to me in biology and probably passed only because he had a crush on me and I tutored him. We are at the Red Lobster, an hour and a half away from our small town. The food here seems expensive to us and it is sort of a big deal that he pays for me. He still lives with his parents and is probably paying for dinner with money he earned working for his father who owns a watermelon farm.
We are sitting on the hood of his truck in the parking lot after dinner. Just shooting the breeze. We are enjoying the warm summer night air and not wanting to go home to our parents house. Not wanting the night of independence to end. He offers me a stick of gum.
I had recently read, in one of the popular Chicken Soup for the Soul books, that if someone offers you a breath mint you should take it, because you probably need it. Being the cocky fool that I am I bring this up flippantly. It doesn’t even register that this may be the truth. That I actually may be the brunt of this joke. My friend looks me in the eyes and gently says, “You do have bad breath, Brenda.” Part of me knows that he cares about me and does not want to hurt me but the truth hurts and I shut down. I go inside myself and try not to breathe.
* * *
When I get back to college I try to get to the bottom of the problem. I make an appointment with the college health clinic. They smell nothing on me. They inspect my teeth and find nothing. I go to the dentist, and he finds no decay. There is nothing wrong with my tongue, my tonsils or even my throat. It is a big mystery.
After I graduate from college and finally have decent insurance I visit doctor after doctor. No one can tell me anything. The best anyone can do is tell me that it is something in my stomach and there is no cure. The good news is that I don’t have bad breath every day. In fact, I sometimes go for six months without having it. Some of my friends swear they’ve never noticed. My parents never noticed it. It’s an elusive problem that hides just long enough for me to forget about it and then appears just long enough to slap me over the head for forgetting.
* * *
I have my first big corporate job and an extra hundred dollars to spend every week. It is freedom like I’ve never known before. I am living far away from my parents and having a torrid (though not-yet sexual) romance with my boyfriend. It is a long-distance relationship, with him in the Bay Area and me in Southern California. Frequently I drive to the airport, lock up my car in long-term parking and shell out that extra hundred bucks to hop on a plane for 45 minutes to go visit him. It is fun and exhilarating. I feel like a jet-setter even though I have massive guilt for keeping secrets from my parents.
My boyfriend doesn’t have a car for some reason. On one visit, he gets a friend to pick me up in her car. The friend is driving and he is in the passenger seat. I want to impress this girl by being cool with their friendship, so I tell my boyfriend to stay in the front seat instead of getting in the back with me. Later I will wonder if this friend was more than a friend but right now I suspect nothing. I am giddy and in love.
I’m leaning up front to tell them bits of this and that about my new real job as a graphic artist. I think I am hot stuff. I’m wearing my new baby doll dress with leggings and clunky clogs. I am so metropolitan next to them in their pajama bottoms, baggy gray t-shirts and running shoes.
Later, at his rented room, my boyfriend cannot kiss me. He tells me I have bad breath. I am crushed, and I think back to the ride from the airport. I remember talking, and laughing, and leaning forward into the front seat between them. I wonder now, were they communicating silently to each other about me? About my bad breath? Were they secretly laughing at me? I feel like something isn’t right.
I brush my teeth over and over in the ice cold water that runs from the old-fashioned sink. The cold-water handle is brass. There is a rust stain on the side of the porcelain bowl where the water drips constantly. I brush and brush and drink mouthwash like it is water and I am parched. Nothing works. We go to sleep in his single bed and I turn away from him because he cannot breathe the same air as me.
The distance, not my bad breath, takes its toll and we break up.
* * *
I have been dating Toby for a while when he experiences my bad breath full-force. We are at the beach, the same beach that my daughter and I will walk on nearly every day a few years from now. I am wearing some awful skin-colored work-out pants and a baggy t-shirt. Toby is in the middle of a getting-in-shape phase and we take a run on the beach together. We run one lap and then stop. Toby tells me about my bad breath.
He is really the first person who helps me understand what it is like to be around me when I am having an episode of halitosis. Because I really don’t know. Everyone assumes that I can tell when my breath smells bad. I mean, the smell takes up every ounce of clean air in a five-mile radius, so how can I not know?
I do not know the answer to that. It is something to do with how my nose works (I smell things differently than other people) and how the intake of breath is the exact opposite of my breathing out. I try to smell my own breath but I cannot. I breathe into my hand, I stick my finger down my throat and smell my finger… you name it, I’ve tried it. I do not want to be that smelly girl. But nothing works, I cannot smell my own bad breath.
Because Toby is Toby, he is very scientific about it. He is completely shocked that my body can emit such an incredible amount of foul smell. He is convinced that I have something seriously wrong with me. Kidney? Stomach? Rotting trench mouth? What could it be?
Over the months and years we research and keep track of common symptoms. I read a lot about acid reflux and we become pretty sure it is tied to that. It has a lot to do with what I eat, where I am in my cycle and how stressed out I am. A surefire way to cause it is to eat something with tomatoes, then drink a big fat mocha while I am pms-ing. I’m pretty scary.
We learn that the best way to make it go away is to eat something and not think about it. A green apple works wonders. Green apples are my friend. I pretty much always have one or two in my fruit bowl.
It’s not 100% proven yet because sometimes Toby doesn’t want to ruin my day by telling me I have bad breath. It still stops me in my tracks and sends me crying to my room wishing I had never been born. But we work out secret signals. He often just holds his hand to his mouth and looks me in the eye and I know that I need to back away and not engage in any intimate conversation. It’s not a perfect system but it works most of the time.
I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that I’m still lovable even if I smell like a garbage disposal. Can you believe it?!! I’ve heard that kids are the best for letting you know when you smell without hurting your feelings. So far Baby Bug hasn’t seemed to mind breathing the same air as me, though I’m sure the day is coming.
63 Comments
Lucia
You certainly are lovable!!! And this post is written so well.
SAJ says: That would be only because bethany actually edited it for me. But thank you. I am very nervous about this “stink bomb” of a post.
Gretchen
I am at a loss for words. What a wonderful man you have in Toby.
And yes, you are still very lovable!
DeeJay
Wow. That’s a tough thing to live with, but you are right…we love you no matter. My ex-boss had this problem with one of his girls and honestly, he had the same problem…but we never mentioned it. He took his daughter to the dr. and she got a script of some sort. That was about 10 years ago though. She went on to become our “miss” for our town and then compete in the miss Oklahoma pageant. Very successful.
Glad you and Toby have a signal and I hope you can soon not feel so bad when somebody mentions it. Be well.
sizzle
I’ve noticed lately that my boyfriend frequently has bad breath. It seems to come out of nowhere but we’ve been talking about it. I know he feels badly and wants to change. I wondered if acid reflux has something to do with it. I will talk to him about this. Thanks for posting this. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this but I am also appreciative that you were brave enough to share your story.
And of course you are still lovable!
MamaPajama
A good friend had this problem that would surface when she was sick with tonsillitis or strep throat. It may be something to do with post-nasal drip, so another factor to add to variables. I have no advise for you other than doctor and dentist.
You smell lovely here on the web, unlike my kitchen which currently has a funk I can’t find.
Mandagirl
I’m wondering if you have ever tried taking a Probiotic on a regular basis? It helps with the good and bad bacteria in your stomach – and maybe it would help?
Just a thought – I take it to help with digestion and acid reflux
nonworkingmother
I have a similar problem…
It’s the worst when I don’t eat for a while I also found out that I have tonsil stones. Those are little white balls of nastiness that come out of you tonsils. If you have them, try to clean them out with quetips or something.
Good luck, and yes, your kids WiLL be honest about when you have bad breath!
Gingermog
I would still love you. In fact I want to give you a big, fat hug for opening up so much about a seensitive subject. It’s weird isn’t it, it’s like one of our last social taboos, body odour. I think most of us must have it at some time or other depending on what we’ve eaten. Personally I’m always worried after eating tuna sandwiches. On the days I teach, I remember my school art teacher coffee breath, which we used to make fun of behind her back (she was a nasty teacher) and I always eat a mint before talking to my students after drinking coffee. Sometimes my students smell a wee bit too, especially when there’s a bunch of guys in high summer and once even a lovely girl who didn’t wash much. I would never let them know though, I’d hate to hurt their feelings and/or make them embarrassed. ( Is this wrong?)I guess 60/70 years ago we all would have smelt a lot more before personal hygeine products became so easily available.
Actually I’m not sure that sometimes the pong of cheap perfume or aftershave might be worse and I shudder to think how liberally I used to spray myself as an early teenager. Does the smell of Body Shop Dewberry bring you back to your teens? It was the Patcholli oil of the late 80’s early 90’s :)
Annoushka
Hi Brenda,
delurking here just to say congratulations. This must have taken a lot of guts!
We all have our secret insecurities that we think, if revealed will cause people to not love us, or at least, not as much. I used to think that I was ugly without makeup, and could not wake up next to a BF without at least a hint of eye makeup. I still think that I’m ugly without makeup but found a man that does not think that, or at least doesn’t care and, that changed everything.
I also have halitosis, especially in the AM (but I can smell my bad breath) and my BF does too – we just talk about it, joke about it and nobody gets his/her feelings hurt.
I mean, it’s no different from any other stupid little problem – but I can definitely relate to the feeling of isolation that we feel when we think we are the only ones with a specific problem.
Good on you!
Annoushka
LVGurl
Awe :( I think you’re great! Maybe God gave you the breath to balance out all that talent ;)
“I will bless Brenda with amazing artistic abilities that will charm thousands. But, to be fair, I need to give her intermittent bad breath to keep her humble.”
(Speaking of, I didn’t notice any bad breath when I met you ;) )
cc
Shawn gets it too, and poor Rapunzel is starting to have some problems. We love you anyways. We know there is nothing you can do.
Erin
Definitely still loveable! It’s a part of life – no one’s perfect and it sucks that you have to worry it, but it could definitely be worse! It’s nice you and Toby have worked out signals. Hope you find a cure for your peace of mind!
jac
you’ll always rock no matter what you smell like. however, i do LOVE LVgirl’s interpretation!
Kaili
It seems like everyone has “something” that they can’t stop thinking about or worrying about. You are so loveable! And Toby is a sweet gentle man to be honest open with you, and support you.
How very honest of you to share. Thanks!
Carrie
You are so brave to open up about this. I would have a hard time talking about it. I don’t know why body odor problems are so sensitive. I still love you and would love you even if I was in the room breathing the air. I’m glad Toby has been so supportive.
Amanda
I’m always convinced that my breath smells and no one will tell me. So I’d probably be eternally greatful for someone being so honest with me… although, I have to admit, I’d still probably feel bad about it. Anyway, I’m rambling… my mom says her husband NEVER has bad breath – even morning breath. And she is convinced it is because he flosses (as well as brushes) twice a day. Yeah, I hate flossing. Anyway, another totally random digression – my aunt is a professor at a university near Eureka… and I almost went to school there. Humboldt. Ok, still rambling…
Rachel Z
My 3 year old boy sometimes tells me that my air is yucky. (That would be the air from my mouth, by the way.)
Chris
That was so brave of you to share this story! And, like everyone who commented above, it in no way distracts from how loveable you are.
ivymae
My dad had a similar problem, and daily yogurt seemed to help (good bacteria and all).
It was very embarrassing to him, but I remember being little and teasing him. Kids are horrible.
And I lived in Eureka around 1986 or so. It’s still one of my favorite places.
falwyn
How mysterious — the coming and going. Better than just staying maybe? Not much comfort there though.
You are brave to share, and this IS a wonderfully written post. I think we would still love you… clearly Toby and BB do. :)
Elizabeth
So a week ago I go groggy-eyed, just woke up into my 3y/o dd room because she is awake and wants to rise and shine. We have a routine where I cuddle with her and talk about what we are going to do for the day. Normally I have already been up for a long time and have done the morning hygiene thing. Not this morning. When I laid down with her and asked her what she wanted to do that morning she wrinkled her nose and said most disgustedly “what’s that smell mommy”. I chuckled and said probably my breath since I just woke up. She promptly replied “Well, you should spit that out because it is really stinky”.
I too had a boyfriend in college who wouldn’t kiss me because of my bad breath. It was crushing to me and still makes me a little paranoid. However due to a gingerval graft of my front teeth (Horrible, painful surgery) I now floss my teeth every morning and night religiously (I am not going through another gingerval graft ever, ever, again). The flossing has really helped with my bad breath. I am amazed myself sometimes when I floss at bedtime the left over meat and such that are still stuck in between my teeth. And just how nasty those left overs smell. So if you don’t floss you might give it a regular try. Just a thought!
BeachMama
Interesting post. One of the few memories of being in the hospital getting my appendix out when I was seven is that my Mom came for a visit, woke me up, I told her she had bad breath and then she was gone. I sat there all day thinking she left because I told her she had bad breath. She left because they wouldn’t let my two Sister’s in to visit at the time (it was the ’70s). But, I have never told her again.
That being said, I hate to tell you this Brenda, but we all have bad breath once in a while. You are not alone. Sometimes it depends on what we eat, or don’t eat. I know for a fact that I get bad breath when I haven’t eaten and am nervous. At to that a lack of hydration and it is a recipe for disaster. Or when I have coffee, it’s bad, I know it, everyone knows it but, I won’t let it slow me down. Don’t get so close if you don’t like the smell, that’s what I think :). No, you are not alone. And how wonderful that Toby wasn’t scared off by the smell and only works with you. You truly found yourself a keeper in him.
Angella
I don’t believe it could be THAT bad, but I guess I’ll find out in July ;)
I’m visualizing a sweet illo of the foul-ness though :)
Sleepynita
If it makes you feel any better, I always thought you would smell like fresh air, salt water, sunshine and coffee – all mixed together. I still think you do.
I refuse to believe something as sweet as you could stink.
Sarah
Beautiful post. And ditto to what everyone else said… :P
miss virginia
I can imagine how hurtful and humiliating that would be for someone to tell you that. My SIL’s husband has told her she has bad breath (trying to be helpful) and it did/has sent her into a tail spin of paranoia, dr. appt’s, etc. I’m sorry for all that you have gone through. Breath is so unimportant! It’s all the amazing, talented, incredible things you do as a person (AND A MOM) that ARE important. I know you don’t know me, but since I read your blog regularly I feel like I do know a tiny part of you and just so you know…you are very inspirational. I really admire you.
I very much would love to start a blog, but I just worry it won’t be funny, thoughtful, interesting, etc…so in the meantime, I’ll just sit around and live vicariously through you. Thank you!
Amanda
It’s amazing how we remember all the tiny details surrounding those moments in time where our heart gets wounded. You poor thing.
I have blinding cellulite from my knees to my hips and would trade your halitosis for that any day. :)
bethany actually
Wow, sleepynita, that’s a great combo of smells! Honestly, I don’t know WHAT you smell like, Brenda, because when I met you I had a head cold. ;-)
Jennifer
Oh me too me too me too!
It comes and goes just the same. It’s horrible and embarrassing. I always wonder if it’s back and I just can’t tell. And no one will tell you. Ever. Because we can talk about periods and baby poop and piles of dirty laundry that never get washed but stinky breath? Oh no. We can’t mention stinky breath. Gah.
It breaks my heart when I know I have a visit from the stinky fairy. I ALWAYS carry altoids and gum. I gurgle my mouthwash religiously. But still, I worry and wonder. I feel you, Brenda.
I would still love you, dear. Because I KNOW.
Leta
Awww, Brenda, I just want to give you a big ol’ hug! I’m sorry you have this…whatever it is. Very brave of you to share it with the world.
Deeleea
My nephew climbed into bed with my sister recently and after a minute said to her
“ooh mummy, you’re a bit stinky”
Total childlike honesty… ouch.
In terms of smelling it on yourself… someone once told me the best way to find out if you do have halitosis is to lick the back of your hand… wait for a minute for your hand to dry and then smell that… It’s been effective for me… weird… but true!
justJENN
Coffee has a lot to do with it too. Give up the caffeine!! ;)
SouthernBelle
My husband also suffers from bad breath from time to time and because so I can’t kiss him either. The only problem is that he gets angry when I tell him. At least your husband understands.
Jan
Loving someone is more than about how they smell.
So yes, if I knew you in real life I’d still love you. For all your wonderful qualities, like your quirkiness, your fun personality, the way you obviously care about people, your goofiness, your creativity, your courage and strength and eloquence which allowed you to write about a topic which I imagine must affect you deeply in such a matter of fact and yet beautifully heartrending way.
*hugs*
B
It’s a physical issue, not a character flaw, so it wouldn’t matter one bit to me what you smelled like. You are one of the sweetest, most consistently kind bloggers I’ve had the privilege to “meet” and that is what makes you special.
Not to downplay what you’ve shared in any way, because maybe your situation is a little different than the average person’s, but each and every one of us — yes, even those who have pointed out your bad breath to you — have bad breath some of the time. None of us is immune.
Annabanana
Funny. I experience something similar and have been to doctors and dentists too. I have figured out that my tonsils (one which is the size of a golf ball) collect plaque in their little craters.
Only once in a while and I think randomly.
This is totally disgusting but I have to poke and pick it out to get rid of the stench. It is really gross, worse than you can imagine.
The plaque is like little balls and actually pops out of the craters.
Dave is sensitive to me as well and drops hints that it is time to scrape my throat pits.
So gross.
I can’t believe I just shared that.Eww.
Susie
What a great post. (You may suffer from occasional halitosis, but you’re an awesome blogger!)
I have yet to meet a human who doesn’t have some physical flaw, and yet there’s a lid for every pot, right? Lord knows my husband has to overlook quite a lot, and he loves me, just as Toby loves you. I think it would take a lot more than stinky breath now and then to make a person unlovable!
On a side note, I totally thought that photo was of SuperChic at first glance!
range
Hey, don’t worry. We are all imperfect. No one is like those photoshopped models in fashion magazines. That’s what makes us human.
Susan
The not being able to sense it yourself must be so hard, because then you have to wonder. I admire you for writing about something that’s so personal and distressing, and I admire all these readers for judging you on who you are, not on some intermittent physical thing.
I’ve only recently discovered your blog. I love it!
p.s. I was born in Eureka, but I lived there only as a baby. I visited once when I was a kid (in the 70s) and the thing I remember most about it is–ironically–how stinky it was there from the pulp mill!
Beth
This post made me laugh! You have the funniest ways of stating things that are humiliating. I can relate to having someone tell you out of the blue that your breath stinks and have it completely burst your bubble.
Helena
What a lovely and brave post! I am always inspired by women who are so honest. You are amazing! :D
~moe~
SAJ of course we’d still love you.
Honestly I almost didn’t read your post because when I read the beginning I had a massive flashback to when I was little and my mom would wake me up in the morning and tell me I had bad breath. I used to think, well, why wouldn’t I? I’ve had my mouth closed all night long! But every morning she would say it until I got to the point where I would bury my head in my pillow or cover my face with my bedsheets until she left. It still freaks me out.
Thank you for sharing your story. You’re not alone. And God truly blessed you with a wonderful man in Toby.
Amy
and another http://www.pharmacy-solutions.com/1105.htm
I have had these ‘tonsil stones’ in the past. Always wondered what they were and where they came from.
You are still very loveable :)
Mandee
Oh, I can vividly remember my older sister telling me my breath stunk. It is so deflating. Of course, mine was because I hated to brush my teeth–not any valid reason.
I’ve also fallen victim to a tonsilth. My sister is a nurse practitioner now and she says they are pretty common. She gets them as well. I had one back in the fall and it drove me crazy. I couldn’t poke at it without gagging myself but I literally did a happy dance when it finally dislodged.
Great, honest post. And you smell really nice on the internet.
Cheney
I have a vivid memory from when I was little of telling my mom that her breath was too stinky to kiss her – looking back I am sure at the time I hurt her feelings, but turns out, Baby Bug will certainly love you even with your stinky breath, and so will the rest of us, who can’t smell it across all these 1’s and 0’s.
Also: you can’t beat Altoids for their quick stinky breath fix. Good luck with that!
Molly
Wow. Brave post. I think everyone has something that they hate about themselves. Mine is my invisible eyebrows and the way without eye makeup that I look like a stunned albino rabbit. The best thing about getting older is getting more accepting and less judgy about myself. At least in the looks department. I still think I should be a little smarter at this OLD age though!
Kuky
You are definitely still lovable!
I had a friend in high school who had bad breath. Our group of friends never said anything though. Now I wonder if she could not smell it either? My dad would always ask why we didn’t say anything but we thought it would be mean. But now that I’m remembering, he did point out that maybe she didn’t know.
I remember once my dad was visiting me and I had just woken up. I had brushed my teeth but hadn’t eaten yet (and that’s probably what gave me bad breath, when I don’t eat sometimes). I was showing him around and was animatedly talking and then he said, you have bad breath. I just shut up and stopped talking. I know it hurts. But I don’t know why. It’s natural. It’s not like someone purposely tries to have bad breath. And I know when someone is telling you, they aren’t being mean. But yeah…it just feels awful.
Oh and I went to Cal State Hayward. Did you know it’s now called Cal State East Bay?
OMSH
My pastor as a child suffered from that. The kids all flocked to him because he was NEVER anywhere without breath mints. :)
Brenda, I’m so glad you found Toby though, because at least SOMEONE was kind enough and gentle enough to explain it to the best of their abilities and work with you on it.
Green Apples, eh? Who would have thought.
mnt
SAJ, delurking to tell you that you’re the best! Love your blog and Baby Bug.
Elizabeth
This post is so well written and vulnerable. Thank you for sharing. My heart sure goes out to your teenage self. I think everyone has been there in one form or another.