Anti the Anti-Mall

I went with my friend E. to the local “Anti-Mall” the other night. Anybody who knows me from back in the day, knows that this place used to be a regular haunt of mine. Now I’m lucky if I go there twice a year. It’s a fun place with shops like Urban Outfitters (though I hear it’s their worst performing store) and Buffalo Exchange (a store that reminds me of my college days in the bay area). But you know what? I think I’ve outgrown it.

While I was there I felt overwhelmed by all the trends that I’m not keeping up with anymore. Everything is pretty this season with floral skirts and blouses trimmed in rough unfinished exposed seams and ribbons and criss crossing ties…and then the tank tops in every color. It’s all just so much! I love the shirts with the funny sayings and pictures of rainbow brite and all the shoes with sequins but I am just overwhelmed. I almost feel assaulted by the sheer quantities of cool stuff. Am I just getting old?

You can pretty much buy anything you ever wanted from any country in any theme. You name your adventure, they’ve probably got an outfit to go with it. From the beaded bangles on your wrist to hand sewn flowers on your cotton mary janes, you’ll look like you just got back from a dusty market in Peru or Africa or deep in the inner city of Los Angeles! You can buy sweatshirt with screen printing and strategically placed safety pins that looks like you came from a punk concert in the 80’s or maybe you ran away to the London underground. It’s all here and it’s all for sale! Everything you can buy looks like it’s already been somewhere and done something fantastic. No adventuring or customization needed!

I can just imagine the conversation,

“Wow! Your shirt has bullet holes in it!!! Did you escape a drive by shooting?”
“No, I bought it that way. And it came with this cool dog bite tear on the back too! And look here, there’s some glitter puffy paint that says I love pretty boys. I think this was when my shirt went to a rave in the Castro. ”

What’s the fun in that? I want to be the one who goes somewhere and does something fantastic. Am I jealous of the clothes? Maybe I’m just sick of Urban Outfitters. Maybe it’s all La Coquette’s fault with her funny post about the study abroad girls in Paris.

Speaking of the funny shirts with the funny sayings… (and I’m sure this has been said before) but what’s the fun in a funny saying on your shirt if everyone has funny sayings on their shirts too? It is fun that the whole world is now getting a shirt sense of humor but it just isn’t that special anymore!

I’m just going to rebel. I’ll make my own shirts and I’ll buy clothes on my own adventures and hope someone asks me to tell the tales behind them. But it probably won’t happen because I’m sure there is nothing new under the sun that you can’t buy at the local mall or Anti-Mall for that matter.

I’m probably just jealous that I’m not 16 anymore.