So you guys wanted to see the author shots that Anna took of me. I have a TON of them so I’m just going to plaster this post with all of them! I’m a little embarrassed to have such a me me me post but I figure it’s better to get it over with all at once and maybe you guys can help me pick the best ones that I should use in my books and bios and such—and can you help me write that bio while you’re at it? I’m so stuck.

These are from the day we went to Palm Springs. I love Palm Springs. So dry and clear and then there’s this gigantic mountain that shoots straight up into the sky. I always like to live next to something that is BIG. Ocean, mountain…just something to give me a sense of direction. Put me in Bakersfield or the rolling hills of Texas and I’m completely lost.

Of course Bug came with us and she stole the show from me, as usual.

I love the one on the right with me on the rock. I think I’ll use it on the back cover of my next self-help book. Just kidding. I’m not writing any self-help books!

Oh, I look so authorly. Too authorly? Okay, then here, look at my chest. Funny story: I wore a hot pink bra and I’m sure poor Anna spent many hours photoshopping it out. I really didn’t mean to cause her so much extra work it’s just that it’s my favorite bra and all the other ones are all stretched out. (Motherhood is so glamorous. Also, I need to go shopping.)

Cheeeeese! You know, that smile cost my parents a pretty penny. They really couldn’t afford braces but I had the most awful snaggle-toothed grin (Seriously, bi-cuspids where bi-cuspids should not be.) that they couldn’t afford not to for my sake. Consequently, I had braces for about eleven years—or at least it seemed like it because my parents couldn’t always make the payments on time. I used to go to the orthodontist every week and sometimes I would just sit in the waiting room while the orthodontist mumbled under his breath about my parents who were late on the bill again and again. I think he probably gave me half of my appointments out of charity. And for that (and my parents hard-earned payments) I am eternally thankful.

I love these ones by this busy tile wall. Crazy texture and some cowboy boots too! I love that old dress. Yes, I have worn it to every big event for the last six years. I wear it at least once a month and it’s still going strong. I’ll probably cry when it finally wears out.

Secret Agent Girl! Er Woman, er…Mom or something.

I really like these ones. Too bad Bug’s glasses are knocked all caliwumpus.

Who says 39-year-olds can’t show their knees? I do. Except they don’t look so bad in this shot. Anna is amazing, I tell you.

Okay. Tired of that dress yet? Good ’cause we’re moving on.

This is Brenda of the Grapefruit Groves. Have you heard that ghost story? Just kidding. This is me in my giant thrift-store turquoise skirt. I bought it for about three bucks and had my aunt take it in for me. It was a size 22 but I loved the color so much I just ripped that size tag out and got it tailored. Them’s the perks of having a seamstress in the family.

Dappled light, sitting in trees. I’m so versatile. Don’t you just want to read my books?

Here I’m modeling for a cover for the next Twilight book.

The grapefruits were actually pretty cool. Too bad they can’t be me on my author page on Amazon.

Oh yay! Let’s look at Bug. She’s such a sight for sore eyes.

Speaking of eyes, it’s Crazy-Eyes Ponnay again! I swear, I am probably the only person who looks worse in make-up. And these are the good shots! You should see all the outtakes and what I looked like before Anna softened things. Never mind. Be thankful I’m sparing you.

I like these ones. Mostly because I am wearing my fake-but-possibly-real Missoni dress that my aunt Keren made me. What’s that you say? You have a fake-possibly-real Missoni dress? I do! Remember that Target/Missoni craze that happened a while back? Well, my aunt saw the ads and remembered an old bolt of this funky fabric she had that looked just like Missoni fabric. She has no idea where it came from and there is no brand name anywhere on the fabric or on the cardboard spool. One of her clients just left it at her shop and never asked for it back. My aunt asked me if I’d like a dress out of it and I said, Yes, Ma’am! It’s a little itchy on the inside but I love it. Nobody else has a dress like this. My mom says it gives her a headache but I don’t care. I still like it.

And Bug has one to match!

I love these photos of us in our trench coats AND the mini Eiffel Tower, or as Rotin said on Flickr: “My how we’ve grown!” We’re actually outside a French Restaurant in Newport Beach that I’ve yet to try. Anna said they got the French wrong on their painted windows so they’ve kind of lost their magic to me. But I do still love the mini Eiffel Tower. I want it in my future walk-in closet so I can throw my clothes on it.

And that’s all of them! Phew! Thank you Anna! Everyone else: you should hire her.

Okay guys, I finally finished the official SAJ posters. In fact, I designed two of them which is not really a good thing because I only want to print one version. But the Paris version was dying to get out of my head, so I let it out. If I don’t print it, it’s not a loss. It will show up somewhere…maybe a book cover? I don’t know yet. Before I go to press though I wanted to ask your opinions. Which poster do you like better? Which one would you actually hang up? I mean, if you were into that sort of thing of course.

And if you were hunting for the sentences and emailed me, Yay! You get to have one of these. However, as of right now, I will no longer be accepting emailed sentence lists. Thank you everyone who played along. I knew you were a fun stealthy bunch.

Here are the secret spy sentences for your proofing pleasure. I think everyone got them all right so no worries there. If you emailed me, you’re in. Free posters all around!

a. It’s a cold day for pontooning.
b. The spotted cuckoo is flying backwards.
c. The moles snuck into the garden last night.
d. The black dog walks in the noon-day sun.
e. The chimera has three sets of teeth.
f. The blue lake freezes in winter.
g. The green tea brews in tranquility.
h. The polar bear collects spare change.
i. The cheese stands alone.
j. Your sedated mouse is in need of a companion.
k. The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
l. The last swallow of summer is winging his way over the horizon.
m. Silence is of the Gods…only monkeys chatter.
n. The dolphins are in the jacuzzi.
o. Do you want a shipment of chocolate?
p. Surely the caged whale knows nothing of the mighty depths.
q. Tell the man standing on the corner that the oyster owns a fine wristwatch.
r. The best chestnuts are to be found on Pigalle Square.
s. The pheasant has no agenda.
t. We need to send in The Urbanator.
u. The eagle flies at noon.
v. The green parrots have migrated to the south.
w. My postillion has been struck by lightning.
x. When the dogs away that’s when the cats play.
y. In London, April’s a Spring month.
z. Guys, I know Kung Fu.

Woohoo, it’s the last day! Zebrabelly’s closing up the tour for me with a foray into 7days! Thank you Bonnie!

Soon (though I’m not making any promises) I will do a recap with highlights from the tour and an announcement for the secret spy sentence round-up. So you have a few days to be collecting those clues.