Real Moms let their kids play with the Easter stuff early so they (the real mom) can play on their computer for five more minutes.

I tag: my sister-in-law, Carrie, Dutch Blitz, coffeesoup and… Beach Mama. Sorry dudes.

Don’t forget: you have to include a picture.

I’ve been tagged by Erika to do a little meme-y thing. I’m terrible at these. I’m not very interesting, I don’t have any great secrets to reveal and I never get any comments on these… so I usually don’t do them. However, Erika is a sweetie and I owe her. She asked me a really hard photoshop question like three months ago and I still have not gotten back to her. I suck. So here’s me trying to make up for that.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die
1. Write a book with real chapters
2. Have a gallery opening with wine and cheese, even if it’s in my own house
3. own a bed and breakfast
4. bleach my hair blonde for kicks
5. take a cake decorating class
6. run the LA marathon
7. hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

Seven Things I Cannot (or won’t) Do
1. dive into a swimming pool
2. the splits
3. eat squid
4. swim to Catalina Island
5. make a cake from scratch
6. add double digit numbers quickly in my head
7. walk down the street in a bikini

Seven Things That Attract Me to… (a man)
1. broad shoulders
2. a sincere smile
3. a quick wit
4. the ability to get stubborn lids off jars
5. scratchy whiskers
6. confidence
7. honesty

Seven Things I Say
1. crap
2. awww man!
3. Pants on! Dance on!
4. Are you poopin?
5. No worries
6. Coolio
7. Ready Spaghetti?

Seven Good Books
1. A Walk in the Woods
2. The Kitchen God’s Wife
3. The Namesake
4. Peace Like a River
5. White Oleander
6. The Poisonwood Bible
7. the Bible (of course)

Seven Good Movies
1. Amelie
2. Spanglish
3. The Girl From Paris
4. Funny Face
5. Lost in Translation
6. Whale Rider
7. Y Tu Mama Tambien

Seven Blogs To Tag
Everybody who reads this who doesn’t have anything to write about already…that means YOU! You can even have a little tag graphic for your blog if you want it.

Just drag it to your desktop (or however you pc people do this) and host it on your own server/flickr or whatever… cause you know how I feel about hotlinkers.

Coming next: Another tag! My contribution to Real Mom’s.

First I got tagged by Margalit and then Java Mom so I guess I better play. That and I don’t really have anything else interesting to share today. I’m not up on the rules and I’m not at BlogHer (obviously) so I apologize if I screwed this up. Anyway, here are my answers in italics:

When did you start blogging and why? Or Talk about your blog. What can I learn about you in under 5 minutes?

I started blogging in 2002. We were really slow at work and I was trying to find a program on the internet that would let me type journal entries instead of having to write them into a book by hand. I had no idea that what I found would change my entire life.

How do you use blogging to build friendship?

I never meant blogging to build friendships but it has. Friends from far away keep tabs on me this way and because of that they make more of an effort to get together and do fun things. This is great because I am so lazy I would probably just let everyone drift away and I really don’t want that.

Who do you read every day, rain or shine? (other than RL peeps)

What are RL peeps? I don’t read anybody every day. I used to. I really miss those days. Now I just read my own text a zillion times trying to make sure there are no typos. When I do get a minute, I check up on family first and then whoorl ’cause she’s about to have a baby.

Why did you choose to share that piece of yourself in a photograph?

Because I thought it would be funny to show you my “tag”. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of the back of your own neck? REALLY HARD!

How would you describe your writing style?

Dumb. No just kidding. I just write whatever I think. Then I edit and throw in punctuation badly.

If you could spend time with one person who blogs (other than your spouse, because really, let’s not rack up the suck up points here) who would it be?

That’s a tough one. I like everybody. I want to meet everyone. If I could hire myself out as an apprentice I would really really want to work for these artists: Amanda, Lopie, Loobylu and Keri Smith

What don’t you write about? Anything considered a no-no in your book?

Why so many hard questions? Yes, there are things I don’t write about. I used to but I learned that it was disrespectful to the people I love so I stopped. Now I journal about those things in a paper book shoved between my mattresses. Except that’s not where I hide it.

How do you feel about meeting bloggers in real life?

I think it’s great! The only thing I don’t like is It kind of bums me out that everyone thinks I’m shy and quiet when they meet me. I really am the same person but I guess my mouse voice throws people off.

Have you written anything controversial? Is blogging controversial?

I have. But all that’s in the long lost archives. This blog is boring now. Of course blogging is controversial. Any medium of free speech is going to be controversial now and then…

Are you and your blogging persona the same person?

I think so. Well, except I only post photos of myself that I like. No double chin, fat thighs or big butt photos are allowed on the blog. So I guess I try to make myself look better than I really am. Otherwise I’m the same, just quieter.

Have you ever anonymously posted on a site to flame them?

Nah. Too busy. Besides I know they can track me down.

If you had a super power, what would it be?

Ice breath. So I could cool off my hot sweaty apartment.

Now it’s your turn.

A fun meme from Kristin (she emailed it to me so unfortunately you don’t get to read her highly amusing answers… maybe if you bug her, she’ll post them.)

1. What is your occupation? Hmmm… funny you should ask. As I was filling out some paperwork at the doctor’s office yesterday for Baby Bug’s first ever doctor’s appointment I actually had to sit and contemplate that one. Should I put graphic designer like I have all these years? Or should I just put down “mom”? I wrote “mom”. It kind of has a nice ring to it.

2. What color are your underwear? Let me check, I forgot. I know they are the super soft ones from Target with no tag. I love it how they make clothes now without tags! I’m a hard core tag hater. I always rip them out and destroy the seams in my clothes. Half of my t-shirts have holes in the back of the neck. Okay, let me see here… They’re black. How sexy. Sexy black granny panties.

3. What are you listening to right now? My itunes library. “Little Green Bag” from Reservoir Dogs is playing right now. I never got the real name of that song. I just typed it in myself. So I really have no idea what I’m listening to.

4. What was the last thing you ate? Veggie Stir Fry. I made dinner for my Grandma and Aunt Keren. I’m so proud of myself for chopping everything up during Baby Bug’s four hour nap yesterday so it was super easy to fry it all up when they came over for dinner. See, I AM the “super mom”!

5. Do you wish on stars? I wished on everything when I wanted to get pregnant. I just never really caught a shooting star to wish on. But I wished on pennies thrown into fountains and when I went under a bridge on the Seine in Paris and when I blew out candles. Whenever I could, I made a wish and a prayer that someday I would have a baby. It was always the same wish. And guess what, wishes do come true! You just have to wait forever.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Ha! No surprise here. Pink! Toby is so tired of my pink kick. Every time I open a new present for Baby Bug and it’s something pink, he asks when I’m going to get over the pink thing. He’s worried Baby Bug is going to grow up and wear all black in rebellion. She probably will whether I give up my love affair with pink or not.

7. How is the weather right now? I don’t know, it’s the middle of the night or the crack of dawn or something so I haven’t looked out the window because it’s still dark out. I suppose it’s a normal beautiful California winter day. We’re running our space heaters so that means it’s a bit cold but it will probably be perfect weather during the day.

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Aunt Keren, she was asking for directions to get to our house.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I do! I do!

10. How old are you today? A big fat thirty-three.

11. Favorite Drink? Right now, hot chocolate. I really need to find a new favorite drink because these sugar calories are killing me.

12. Favorite sport to watch? None. I hate sports. I guess I could put down ice skating though, but really I just like to look at their costumes.

13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes. I went through a phase where I had raspberry striped hair. I thought it would give me more clout as a “designer”. But I wasn’t really that good at pulling it off. It always washed out and looked horribly unhealthy. I look better in my natural color.

14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Nope. Super eyesight!

15. Pets? See below number 27.

16. Favorite Month? July, because it’s summer and everything is bright and happy and maybe I just never got over my love of having a birthday in that month.

17. Favorite Food? This is a hard one! I’d have to say prunes right now because even though they are gross gross gross to look at, they taste pretty good and they fix the plumbing which is a constant concern of mine right now.

18. What was the last movie you watched? The Family Stone. I actually liked it in spite of the bad reviews.

19. Favorite Day of the Year? March 20th, the first day of spring. That’s the day when everything is full of potential. The long winter is on it’s way out and the birds go crazy with happiness. Flowers start to bloom, the air isn’t full of moisture yet like it is in summer. It’s just a pretty time of year. Plus, it’s Toby’s birthday. He doesn’t care about his birthday but I like it that this day never goes by without me making a note of it.

20. What do you do to vent anger? Cry. I cry buckets. I must have the best working tearducts ever.

21. Fall or Spring? Spring!

22. Hugs or Kisses? Definitely hugs. I never know what to do when someone comes at me with their lips puckered. I’m the worst, I always dodge them and get all awkward. Of course Toby is allowed to kiss me but sometimes he has ashtray breath, yuck!

23. Cherries or blueberries? Cherries. But I’d way rather have strawberries.

24. Do you want your friends to email you back? Of course!

25. Who is Most Likely to Respond? hmmm… I haven’t tagged anybody yet.

26. Who is Least Likely to Respond? Again, haven’t tagged anybody.

27. Who do you live with? Toby of course and Baby Bug. Then we have the zoo: Pounce the fat cat, his sister Lilly and Maddy the spaz cat who pukes on my carpet every day. Then we have the birds. I’ve lost count. I think there are 17 or 18 of them. We have finches. Two zebra finches, two strawberry finches, two blue waxbills, about 5 rosy rumped waxbills and one spice finch. We have some odd numbers because a couple of birds have died recently. It is very very sad.

28. When was the last time you cried? I think yesterday. Baby Bug wouldn’t latch on and it was really frustrating me. She takes an hour an a half just to get in 30 minutes of sucking. I feel like I can never get anything done.

29. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes and boxes of books that I need to find homes for.

30. What friend have you had the longest? Tamie. We don’t keep in touch very well but we’ve been friends since second grade. Whenever we do catch up, it’s like a day hasn’t passed. I know she will always be my friend, I never have to worry about drama from her. Which is funny since she was the drama major in school.

31. What did you do last night? Cooked dinner, visited with my relatives. Then the nightly routine of nursing and putting Baby Bug to bed.

32. Favorite smell? Just one? I can’t pick! Fresh rain, Baby Bug’s head, freshly ground coffee, clean laundry, a glass of red wine, lavendar, earl gray tea, the smell of my mom’s cedar chest…

33) Who Inspires you? So many people! People I link to on my sidebar. There are so many amazing artists and writers on the internet. Just a few clicks and I’m always inspired to do something new and different. My grandmother… she’s a writer and she wears pearls and she raised six kids all on her own. My mom. She’s always tired from baby sitting my nieces but I love it that she always makes time to garden. She loves her garden. My sister-in-law because she has amazing grace and she fits into our family so well. My dad who never gets mad and always has a great attitude. Toby because he’s brilliant and has great taste. My friends. I could go on forever. So many people inspire me.

34. What are you afraid of? SIDS, somebody from the internet stalking me and kidnapping Baby Bug, not being able to lose the baby fat I’ve put on, getting cancer, people I love dying… Man, this is getting morbid, lets move on.

35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Spicy, but I think I like cheesy too. Just not too much cheese.

36. Favorite car? Probably those Smart Cars I saw in Paris. They are just too cute and square! I also like Hondas but I think the new models look dumb.

37. Favorite dog breed? Australian Shepherd. Especially when they have two different colored eyes. I wish I had a dog! I wish I had a yard for a dog!

38. Number of keys? I have no idea and there is no way I’m waking up the baby on my lap to go find my purse and count them.

39. How many years at current job? What job? My freelance job? I don’t know really. I’ve been freelancing forever. I guess I’ve had my business licence for about eight years or something like that. I’m terrible with linear time. How about we just say I’ve worked at my new job as “mom” for thirteen days now.

40. Favorite Day of the Week? Like Kristin said, they are all the same right now. I can’t tell Sunday from Thursday. But I guess I’d have to say I like weekdays because those are the days I get mail. Funny how things change when you don’t work the regular 9-5 week.

41. How many States have you lived in? Just California.

42. How many Cities have you lived in? Six. Eureka, Hemet, Homeland, Hayward, Irvine and Newport Beach. (Make that SEVEN! I forgot to add Union City earlier. Lived there for two years during college.)

That’s it! If you’d like to play too, you know what to do…

I’ve been tagged by citymama. And it’s the weekend so I guess I’ll play along. But I’m not going to tag anybody after me. I know, boo hiss… I’m not any fun. But, if you want to play, consider yourself tagged and let me know you’re playing in the comment box.

So here’s how it goes:

Remove the blog from the top spot and add yours to the bottom,

The Diaper Pail
the state of indiana
watching me grow
citymama
Secret Agent Josephine

Then select five people to tag and post them here.
(I’m skipping this part, sorry.)

Then answer the questions in italics:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Linear time… I’m so bad at this. Let me think. That would be 1995, so that would be two years after I graduated from college. I’d be working at my corporate job as a junior graphic designer, designing coupons. Oh what fun it is to type 5 point mouse type! I’d be dating Toby by now and probably trying to break up with him at least once a month, because that’s how I was back then.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Ah ha! I can just click here and answer that one. I was spending the holidays up north and painting my sister-in-law’s nursury!

Five snacks you enjoy:
1.dark chocolate
2.apple pie
3.cashews
4.cheddar cheese
5.bread and butter pickles

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics: (ugh! I’m horrible at this game)
1.Happy Birthday
2.For God so Loved the World
3.Jesus Loves Me
4.The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round
5. um, I don’t know five… I’m really bad at lyrics

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1.buy a house with a washer and dryer
2.rescue several of my family members from financial problems
3.invest in real estate
4.go to Starbucks every day
5.the million would be long gone by then…

Five bad habits:
1.cracking my knuckles
2.eating too much
3.not doing math and letting that side of my brain atrophy
4.bad posture
5.speed reading

Five things you like doing:
1.illustrating
2.blogging
3.walking on the beach
4.spying
5.coming up with evil plans

Five things you would never wear:
1.any kind of hair clip that wasn’t tortoishell or brown
2.gladiator sandals
3.sweats with words on the butt
4.a metallic or synthetic metal looking purse
5.boots with pom poms
(Sorry to anyone who loves these wearable things. I love them too, just not on me. I would be the first to go out and buy my nieces all of the above.)

Five favorite toys:
1.spy camera
2.laptop
3.a wobble walker (I can’t find a link any where, it’s an old toy that you walk on, not a drink!)
4.my cat launcher gun
5.pictionary game

Yay! What better way to avoid telling the secret than to answer interview questions. Thank you Anne, you saved me! I’ve been informed by management that if I divulge this secret, that I dangled so carelessly on Wednesday, I could lose limbs and possibly face legal action. I know, I know. This is really crappy. I’m really sorry. Nobody hates this more than I do.

But I have a choice: quit blogging altogether until I can talk about this secret OR blog away on other unrelated subjects. I picked unrelated blogging, because I think I would die if I wasn’t allowed to blog any more. So I’m pressing onwards

Here are the questions from Anne:

1. What’s the most negative Paris-related thing you’ve experienced? (no glossing!)

Hmmmm….Of course you’re going to try and get this out of me. Well, when forced, I would say that trying to buy a metro ticket was pretty crappy. I walk up to the counter with my mom and I’m flipping around in my little phonetic phrase book, trying to figure out how to say “ticket”. We have a giant red suitcase that we just purchased and it’s stuffed with all kinds of china and t-shirts and chocolate that we have just bought from the BHV and we stand out like the biggest tourist boobs you’ve ever seen. Not to mention the fact that we barely squeezed it through the subway entrance doors.

First off I try the ol’ “Parlay voooh Langlay?” to the pinched looking woman behind the glass that is the ticket counter. She purses her lips and says firmly, “No.” I can tell I’m going to get no where with her, so I flip back to my guide book and find the word “billette” or something like that, which means “ticket”. We show her our old expired ticket and hold up three fingers, hoping to communicate that we need another ticket just like this one for three days. She says something really quick in French and I gather that she is asking us if we want to buy a ticket for three zones. I flip back to my guide book. There is nothing about zones or days. I’m so clueless. I say again in English/French, “No, Tres Days”. And then to my utter amazement, she says in perfect English, “I know you want a ticket for three days, what zones do you need it for?” I was so exasperated. Here I was stumbling and fumbling and making an idiot out of myself for nothing. She totally understood me the whole time. So I guess that is one thing I could say about Paris that I didn’t like. A lot of French people pretend they don’t understand English just so they can watch you suffer. It’s not that I blame them, I hate it when my town is overrun by tourists as well. It’s just that I really hated being the brunt of their jokes.

2. It’s your high-school reunion. Who do you most want to see again, and why? And who do you least want to see?

This is a hard one. Of course I want to see the guy I had a major crush on. (He didn’t show at my reunion in 2000) I know we’ve both moved on and he’s some sort of successful doctor but I’ve always wondered how he was doing. I hate to say it but it would be really cool if he was bald or something. I guess I kinda always regret saying no to him when he asked me to the Senior Prom. Who do I least want to see? People I don’t remember! This happened and it was horrible. It’s not even like I was so popular I had sooo many friends that I can’t remember them all. In fact it was the opposite. I was so shy I had no friends but when I went to my 10 year reunion, long lost friends came out of the wood work. I felt so bad when they would say, “Don’t you remember me, I used to sit behind you in Chemistry 101?!!!” Nope. I don’t remember you. I think I’ve always suffered from poor memory.

3. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told (you’re allowed to change the specifics so no one gets hurt…)

I’m a horrible liar. I’m good at making up details so that a lie might seem believable but I can’t remember them to save my life and I end up giving myself away when the facts don’t match up. So it’s always just easier for me to embellish the truth. One time I got to play miniature golf for free because I lied and said I was nine years old when I was actually 16. It was a joke at first but then the girl who was taking our money went along with it and I had to play with a very small golf club. Serves me right for lying.

4. The job you’ve always dreamed of has just been offered to you. One condition: you have to live in the Sahara desert for a year. Do you take it? If so, how do you go about coping?

I would totally take it. I’m always up for an adventure. How would I cope? I’d blog about every single miserable minute of it!

5. Dennis Hopper or Dennis Quaid?

AAAAAAGH!! Why do people always ask me these question about celebrities I don’t know figs about! You know I was raised in a cult and I never got to watch television or movies until I was 18 right? I guess I can’t keep using that excuse forever. I’ve had plenty of time to catch up on pop culture. I guess I would choose Dennis Hopper because he seems more interesting in the tortured actor kind of way. I’m sorry. I got nothing. If I had to pick one for a mate (ew!), I’d pick Dennis Quaid because he’s closer to my age. Lame! I know. But I can’t think of any other reasons.

And now I pass the torch,

The Official Interview Game Rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions – each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.