I have to admit this book tour has been kicking my butt. It doesn’t seem like I’m doing much. Just throwing up a graphic every weekday and then resting on my accolades but I don’t know…I’m not really doing so great at it. I got my schedule all mixed up. I missed emailing some key players, I’ve been getting people the secret sentences at the very last minute and sometimes even hours after that. I’ve been dropping the ball, regularly. Work, books, life…everywhere. I was even late to pick up Bug from kindergarten today and I had promised myself I would NEVER do that.

You should see my desk right now. It’s a complete mess. Maybe I’ll take a picture tomorrow when it’s daylight because I probably won’t have it cleaned up by then. That’s the way the days have been going. But in a way, I’m thankful. I prayed for work and I got it. I’m not rolling in paychecks but I’m making ends meet and I’m busy. It’s a lot to be thankful for.

Winter has been hard on my sense of optimism as I’m sure it has on yours too. The days are so short! It feels like it’s eight when it’s FOUR! How are we ever supposed to get anything done? Well. At 3am of course. That’s why I drink coffee.

But coffee is killing me.

I tried to take some Christmas photos for a card that I was going to print up this week and mail out next but I couldn’t get a single shot of Bug and me where I didn’t look like a hot mess. Of course she is darling in every single shot but I look like I’m old and drunk with bloodshot eyes that even photoshop can’t fix. I know I could just put a photo of her on the card and call it a day but I vowed to embrace getting older. I don’t want to hide from my wrinkles and gray hairs. Women can be beautiful at any age, I’ve always thought.

I just didn’t know I would look so scary at 39!!

(I like this one the best.)

So I gave up after a while and vowed to drink a lot of water, drink less coffee and get more sleep. You can see how well that’s working for me. I’m typing this at 2:58 am.

Anyway! The book tour is chugging along. I am so grateful for all my friends and co-bloggers who are saying such nice things about my books. I really don’t deserve it or them. And before you correct me and say that all my hard work is paying off let me correct you and say that my work is nothing in comparison to how kind my friends (and family!) have been to me lately.

They’ve picked me up when I’ve been crying. They’ve given me attitude adjustments when I felt like a failure. They’ve pushed me when I just wanted to give up. They’ve watched Bug for me when I had deadlines. They’ve let me stay at their houses when I had nowhere to go…They’ve nodded when I didn’t have the words. They’ve fed me and Bug when we were hungry. They’ve told me that it’s been a hard year and it’s okay to feel like this. Sometimes I guess I need to hear that because I keep wondering why I’m not doing better than I am.

The autographing party went off smashingly! I didn’t actually autograph any books though. Funny how that happens. You set a date, you get everything ready and then you get in a room with your good friend, good food, a glass of wine and next thing you know you are spending the night talking instead of working.

This is Calee, my publisher, friend, book-maker extraordinaire.

She made soup. That’s kind of awesome, isn’t it? I thought I would order a pizza but she said she had some vegetables that had needed “souping”. How funny is she? Vegetables that needed souping. I wasn’t going to say no to that. If vegetables gotta be souped, they gotta be souped! She saved me $20 and got me to be healthy at the same time. It was quite tasty. I wish I had the urge to soup vegetables now and then. I might have to work on that.

Bug was a little disappointed at the soup instead of pizza (and potato soup at that, the crime of it!!) but it was nothing a few thousand olives couldn’t fix.

Besides all the soup-eating, olive-eating and merry-making, we did get a lot of things organized and the kids had a blast painting.

A little too close to the books for my liking but thankfully no books were marred! A few paypal invoices might have taken one for the team but what can I say? It kept the kids busy and happy and out of our hair!

Today I actually did autograph all the books and I sent them off as promised (yay!). Bug worked very hard at hers. I love that a few readers requested her signature.

She takes it very seriously, adding flowers and hearts and clouds. She is an eternal bright spot. Talk about God knowing what you need when you need it….

Did you know she makes me coffee? She might be a bit of an enabler but who could say no to that face and a cup of hot steaming coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar? Not me!!

You should see her holding the cup with a towel so it doesn’t burn her and walking so slowly to my desk so that she doesn’t spill. My heart explodes every time.

The kitten thing got out of hand really quick. I love kittens but one unfortunate thing happened: Aqui, their mother who used to be an outside cat, did not do a very good job of teaching them how to use the litter box. I’m kind of surprised because she learned how to use it herself and they watched her. Maybe it’s my fault somehow. I don’t know…I put a small litter box in the shower where the kittens were living but they didn’t get it. Even if I put them in the box so they could smell all those gross cat smells they still didn’t use it. They used the shower floor instead and then the carpet next to the shower, and then under my bed.

At first it was cute.

Awww… look at that little tiny kitten poop on the carpet. It’s mini poop!

Then it was NOT so cute.

3am: What is that smell? Ugh! Did a little fuzzy kitten butt just take a turn under my bed right where I lay my head to sleep?!!! Please say it’s just a bad smell wafting over from the cat box in the bathroom. Please, please, please…Ninja Bunnies!

So I cleaned up the carpet with Febreeze and vinegar and put the little fuzzy kitten butts in the cat box with some smelly poop to “teach” them but it didn’t really work. They climbed right out of the box and went next to it. Rinse, repeat.

After several days of this, I finally had enough. And my mom, aka my landlady, had scheduled our carpet to be cleaned. That was purely a coincidence but it did put my kitten issue front and center. Did I want them to ruin the freshly cleaned carpet? NO.

The kittens needed to go. They’ve been eating solid food for weeks now and they run all over the place wreaking havoc in the middle of the night. I think they are old enough to find loving homes elsewhere.

I put the kittens in a box and took them to Bug’s kindergarten. Surely, I’ll find a home for them there, I thought. Who can resist a kindergartener begging for kitten? Right?

That was hilarious. All the kids wanted to hold them and the kittens did not want to stay in the box. It was a regular three-ring kitten-circus escape act. Thankfully, kindergarten pick-up is not as crazy as regular school letting out so the kittens were not mauled by mobs of kids or anything. But there was a line of fourth graders sticking their hands through the fence begging me to let them pet one. I gave out about 500 business cards and they all promised me that their moms would call me so they could have one.

So far it’s been a day and nobody has called me. No one at her school could take one either. Apparently kindergarten parents are smarter than they look. They all had big dogs who eat kittens or too many cats already or someone in their house who was allergic. A lot of people wanted them though.

One lady did come by later and she took “Right Cheek,” one of the twins. There were two kittens who had identical markings except in mirror. We called them Right Cheek and Left Cheek because that’s how you could tell them apart. I really liked the twins. They seemed to be the most mellow.

My mom has the kittens (and their mom) for the weekend (since we go out of town to visit Toby) but this coming Monday I’ll be back on Mission: Find the Kittens a Home. Anybody want one? They’re super cute. Maybe you’ll have better luck with the cat box training than I did. Anybody have any special tips?

We are going to keep one. Fiesta, the all gray short-haired one. We were going to keep Shylie (the one with the white markings on its nose) but Fiesta won our hearts over. She seemed to attach herself to Bug and they are smitten with each other. Or at least Bug is smitten with Fiesta.

I just hope Fiesta learns how to use the cat box. I don’t know what I’m going to do if she doesn’t.

I figured I’d write a post about work today. I don’t do that a lot and maybe I should. I don’t know. Do you guys wonder how I spend my days working away with my clicky-mouse? I just have been thinking on something lately and thought I’d share it.

Above is a logo I’m working on for a client. I don’t think she’ll mind me sharing. I thought it was pretty good. I spent a lot of time on it and thought I had it in the bag. The client liked it too but then a day passed and she sent me an email asking me if I could tweak it into more of a 50′s-60′s style. She even sent me some pictures for reference. Which is really nice by the way.

My first reaction was rebellion. I do this a lot. I call it my Monday Morning disease. Because way back in the day when I worked in an office, I would always feel overwhelmed by work on Monday. It seemed like every sales person in the whole office had some project for me to do RIGHT AWAY! RIGHT NOW! STRESS STRESS! STRESS! But then magically, Tuesday would roll around and everything that seemed so overwhelming and impossible on Monday seemed just plain normal and doable. I could count on it. So after a while I started to ignore my Monday morning freak-outs, knowing that they would dissipate by Tuesday.

I don’t know why I am this way but I’m always on the defense right away and it’s stupid. But I always do it. When my client asked me to “tweak” the illustrations towards a more 50′s-60′s theme, my first knee-jerk reaction was to freak out. Do you think I have a button I can push to make it 50′s-60′s, I thought angrily to myself? Is that some kind of photoshop filter I don’t have? Of course I would never say this to a client in real life because it would just be rude and over time I’ve found that I always regret pushing back.

So I sat on it for a day. I wrote a polite email to the client saying that I could probably do what she was asking but that it would mean going back to the drawing board and starting over. I thought she’d dismiss that idea and stick with the original logo that was obviously just fine, right? Nope. She didn’t. And I’m so glad.

That night I took my laptop to bed and while the kids slept on the floor around me (they like having “sleepovers”) I clicked away into the wee hours of the morning.

I came up with this.

And this.

And this.

And this!

I’m not done yet. She’s asked to see a few more designs but I love the new art so much better than the old. I’m so glad I kept my Monday Morning disease to myself.

Do you guys have this problem? Is your knee-jerk reaction to think that you can’t?

A while back I landed a big job with Turbo Tax and got the opportunity to create twenty-some icons for their website. The turn-around time was crazy. I got the job on Friday night and it was due before Monday morning. That’s probably the reason I got the job in the first place. Who else can turn around something that fast? A freelancer who is desperate enough to work all day and all night of course.

At first I thought there was no way possible that I could do it. I don’t even illustrate in that clip art style. But after much discussion with my friend Heather, who I was staying with at the time, I decided to take a crack at it. I downloaded their existing icons and started to take them apart with my mind. Sure enough, the shadows and highlights were just shapes filled with gradients and not that hard to put together. I just had to dissect it piece by piece and not get overwhelmed by the whole.

The job went swimmingly and I ended up getting them all done with plenty of time. But I wouldn’t have if I’d let my Monday Morning disease get the best of me.

Not that I’m all peaches and cream all the time now that I’ve learned this lesson. I’m still learning it with every single job. But I definitely have raised the bar for what I think I can do. Anything is possible.

I watched this video a while back and found it really helpful. Maybe there is some other freelance artist out there wondering what direction their path will take and fearing failure. I think this will encourage you:

Milton Glaser – on the fear of failure. from Berghs' Exhibition '11 on Vimeo.