Don’t you hate it when your favorite bloggers go and get paying gigs and then they never blog at their old websites with the frequency and fervor that got them the paying gigs in the first place? I hate that. It bums me out all the time. Why is everyone such a sell-out!? I yell silently and shake my fists at the sky while I secretly wish I had a paying gig that kept me away from my blog too. Like a book deal that would make me rich quick so I’d never have to worry about scrimping at the grocery store again!

Heh.

While I will not be so bold as to say that I am your favorite blogger or that I blog with fervor (I will cop to frequency), I have to admit I can’t blog about what is going on right now because it is for a top-secret assignment for my paying gig. But I can tell you vaguely about it.

It involves making a mess. And it is super-duper really really really FUN. Of course! What else would you expect, right? I bring the chaos to the party. However, this time I decided to do my top-secret craft project at my friend Jen’s house. She has three kids and I guess they like craziness. I warned her of the mess and my tendency to forget that I have a small child running around because I am so absorbed in whatever project that has caught my fancy. She was game. She’s a sucker.

So we are making a mess at her house. A BIG mess. In fact, this project is so big and messy that it couldn’t be finished in one day so I have to go back today to clean up and take photos. I was really worried that I had worn out and spit on my welcome because I pretty much trashed her backyard and stomped her children’s routine into the ground. But she’s stuck with me now because I have to finish. I can’t just leave things half done. What’s a girl to do? Transport said mess home? It wouldn’t fit in my car. (Ooops, I hope that doesn’t give it away. If you have an idea, keep mum.)

I did what I always do. I sent a zillion apologetic emails about the mess and hoped that a night without us would make their hearts grow fonder. Apparently it did because this morning I got an email from Jen (in her famous sarcastic sense of humor) saying they were wiggling on the floor like dying fish moaning, “No.  More.  Fuuuuuunnnnnn.”

I love Jen. I will be back and I will KILL them with fun. Die, floppy fish friends! Die!

Bug and I are going to be cat-sitting all next week for Bethany. We won’t really sit on the cats. We love Katy and Lily. Who knows what kind of trouble we will get into though. I’m thinking of re-decorating their living room in red velvet and maybe some marble columns. What do you think?

Guess what time it is?! It’s time to pack up and go to BlogHer!!! Wooo Hooo! This is my first time. I’m a “blogher virgin.” Oooooh. Scary. I know everyone is probably sick of hearing about blogher this and blogher that…and I’m sorry to be yet another mouth spouting off but I have to write just a few things because I’m a tiny bit nervous.

However, unlike everyone else, I do not have any social anxiety disorders. Wow. Can you believe it? Three cheers for not needing meds! (Or three cheers for denial, either one.) I’m actually pretty good at small talk and I’m super-excited to be in the middle of a big noisy crowd! If there is really good music at the parties, I might even bust a move. I can’t promise that I’ll be a good dancer. I might smack you with my flailing “butterfly arms” but I’m not shy, usually. (Is there even going to be music at the blogher parties?)

Of course there was that one time ages and ages ago when I went bowling with the after-work crowd and I started getting really insecure when all the Hottie McHotties of the office showed up with their own engraved bowling balls and matching team shirts. And yes, I sort of um…snuck off and hid in some long dark maroon-carpeted hallway until the cops came looking for me. That was a bad moment for me.

But I’ve moved way way way past that. That was like fifty million years ago.

I think the hardest thing for me now in social situations is just not talking loud enough. I have a really soft voice that sounds loud in my head. You hear mouse squeaks and think I’m shy and demure but in my head I am shouting like a big attention-seeking maniac. It’s really hard for me to project for some stupid reason. So sometimes I just don’t talk at all because no one can ever hear me.

The other thing I’m worried about is that there are soooooooo many people I want to meet! I think I’m going to go crazy! I’m going to be that social butterfly whom everyone hates because she yappity-yaps so much and is distracted all the time. “Hey look there’s so-and-so gotta run!” I hate that. I’m going to try really hard to listen well and not explode from over-excitement.

The other thing I’m afraid of is that I’m going to blank on people’s names. Some of you comment every day and you really are a huge part of my life but I’m scared that when I meet you in person (and you better introduce yourself to me because I do want to meet you!!!) my brain hard drive is going to get stuck on search mode, trying to remember who you are, and I might crash and have to be re-booted.

That is one thing I really am ashamed of on this site. The fact that I don’t emotionally invest myself in my readers as much as you do in me. It’s all I can do to put a post together a few times a week and check on my family’s many many blogs. I try to get out and about to read your blogs but often I do not. I’m always getting surprised when I find out someone is moving all the way across the country or they just had a baby and I had no clue even though they had been writing about it for half a year.

I want to apologize for that. It’s something that I’ve thought about a lot and a choice I have made to keep my sanity. Maybe someday when Baby Bug is in school I’ll be a better blog-reader and commenter but for now I’m mostly just a one-sided blogger. So feel free to slap me upside the head when you meet me in person. I deserve it.

There you have it! I can’t wait to meet everybody. If you’re going to be there, please introduce yourself in the comments so I can study up and not be such an idiot.

A word about the illustration…I had this daydream that if I had a GIANT yellow bag I would feel less insecure about myself because you all would be dazzled by my bag. Just think of how handy it would be in photos. Everyone would say, oh there’s SAJ and her giant yellow bag! But sadly, I do not have a giant yellow bag. So it’ll just have to be in my imagination. I guess I could steal one from Ikea but I don’t want to do that and besides those bags are noisy and crinkly. I’ll survive. I’m tough.

Also, I’ll have my trusty sidekick cc with me.