I never told you guys about how I joined a gym. I was going to but then my Grandpa died and the nieces came to visit and it got shelved. It’s probably a good thing I waited though because my opinion of the whole place has changed. On a daily basis. You could say I have a love/hate relationship with the gym.

When I first joined they set me up with a free complimentary session with a personal trainer. I said, Bring it on! I love personal trainers! I used to have one back in the day when I worked at the junk mail factory (an awesome company perk) and I loved it. Working out always goes better when you have someone else nagging you to do lunges correctly.

It turns out the free complimentary session at the new gym was more of a hard sell in disguise for their bazungo crazy expensive personal trainer program. What a crock. First the guy broke me down and pretty much made me eat dirt and admit that I was in much worse shape than I realized. He had me lifting all kinds of crazy weight in super slow sets that had my knees shivering like a little girl.

I know this method of working out is usually effective so of course I let him abuse me. I embraced the pain. But then the machines were so complicated. I was doing leg lifts backwards on something you usually use for your abs and something swung around and smashed my index finger in a way it should not have. It hurt. Bad. I still have a blue nail to prove it.

Blargin’ Trainer Guy. I hate him.

After about forty-five minutes of brutal humbling, we headed over to his desk to “talk about my options.” I admit it. I was sold. Not because I loved the work-out but he pretty much had me convinced that there was no other way to get in shape other than to hire him to whip me. My future looked pretty bleak. Even with his program it would probably take me six months to a year to lose the twenty pounds I need to lose. And let me tell you, those pounds were the ugliest pounds I’ve ever looked at. I’m sure he had me working out in front of a mirror for that exact desired effect.

We talked and talked. He complimented me on my knowledge. I learned about his struggle with MS and how he holds some kind of trophy belt for being the best trainer in all of California. It was a happy little talk and then right as the short hand reached the hour mark, he slid his laminated rates page across the desk.

Sixty dollars a session.

SIXTY DOLLARS A SESSION!!!! Plus a hundred-and-something-or-other for initiation.

Say what?!!

I’m not made of money. I can’t afford sixty dollars a week. Is this guy crazy? I live in a depressed town where everyone is on welfare. How do people afford this?!! Do their insurance companies cover it? Does the government offer programs for this? I saw plenty of people working out with trainers. They must be coming up with the money somehow. How do they do it? I pretty much emptied my checking account to join the gym in the first place.

Then the worst thing happened. The ugly cry came over my face. I didn’t mean it to. I never cry in public, well hardly ever. I hid under my bangs but once it started I couldn’t stop it. I guess I was a little more stressed out than I realized. Work had been tricky, money has been tight, my house seemed like it would never stay clean (thanks to my brother who was making it his personal mission to mess it up), everybody thinks I’m uptight because I’m a control freak about my house, Bug didn’t like their dumb kid’s club daycare and well, the whole navigating a dissolving marriage thing…you know, maybe it was just too much.

I put my hands over my eyes, got up from his desk and walked backwards. I hid behind a column that was near his desk and then just split. I didn’t even try to explain myself. What could I say? This guy doesn’t know half of what is going on in my life. Who knows, maybe he makes people cry on a regular basis. I’m sure his services are well worth $60 an hour. I charge more than that for what I do. But you just can’t spend money you don’t have.

So that was that. I haven’t talked to him since. I see him from time to time and I’ve been meaning to stop and apologize but I just haven’t gotten the guts up. He has my phone number, he could have called me but I think he’d rather wash his hands of a weepy over-weight middle-aged frump monster. I don’t know. I’m moving on.

I went home and thought a lot about the whole experience. In the end I decided that this guy doesn’t know me. He has no idea how I work out and how much willpower I have. I can get in shape without him. It might take me longer but I’m not a failure before I even start.

So far I’ve gone to the gym at least two times every week for about a month, often more. It’s too early to be patting myself on the back but I feel pretty good about it. I might not ever lose those twenty pounds. I’m okay with that. I just want to be healthy and not hate myself when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Figuring out a good routine has been a little more challenging. I hate to go to the gym in the morning because that’s my peak creative time and I really like to devote my overly-caffeinated brain cells to my work BUT it seems like if I don’t go work out in the morning it doesn’t happen at all. I’ve tested this over and over for years. So I work out in the morning and it evens out because on those days I seem to have more overall energy anyway and I can work longer at night.

Finding a class that works for me in the morning is a whole other issue. I tried their yoga class but Barbie the Yoga Instructor drove me nuts. She was bendy alright but when she started swinging herself by her wrists and flirting with the very interested jock in the front row I got tired of it real quick. Which is too bad too because I love yoga.

I tried water-aerobics and loved it. It’s fun splashing around in a salt water pool with a bunch of grandmas. I felt like a super star when I could run under water and kick all their butts. Not that I was showing off or anything but sometimes it’s nice to not be the slow poke in the back of the class for a change. I even took my dad to a class. He loved it too. But the time slot was a bit late in the day so I’ve not really been going regularly.

Then I tried step aerobics. It’s perfect for me. It’s just complicated enough that I’m constantly confused and stepping backwards when I should be stepping frontwards. One day I forgot to drink my coffee before class and that day did not go well at all. I couldn’t get the hang of anything. It’s funny because while I have pretty good rhythm and love to dance, I’m terrible at taking instruction.

When the teachers says exit left, I exit right. Crossovers and step-behind grapevine-thingys have me tripping over my own feet. I’m a clutz like no other. But at the end of the work-out, I am exhausted and I haven’t thought one thought about how uncomfortable I’ve been. My brain is so tired from trying to keep up with the complicated routine that it has no idea that my body is sweating bullets. I love it. The teacher is excellent too. We stretch and use weights and everyday I am sore in the good way.

So I guess I could say I love the gym now. We’ll see how it goes.

Here I’ve been complaining about how much I miss my old beach town and how I used to walk all over the place to burn calories and I’ve got my very own gym to work out in right in my back yard! I’m so dense sometimes. All I needed to do was pick up a shovel and hack at the ground for a few hours and I got the best workout I’ve had in years! My arms hurt, my legs hurt and I went to bed with that tired-muscle feeling that lets you relax into your pillow like butter melting on a hot summer day. There is nothing better than a good hard tired. And I didn’t even have to pay an astronomical gym membership fee to get it!

Really, I should be paying my mom for this workout. It’s all her fault. She keeps buying plants for me even though I protest over the money she’s spending. She sets them right in plain view of my desk and as soon as I clock out for the day from my freelance projects I can’t wait to hit the backyard and plant them. It’s the best incentive ever because I can’t just let them sit there in their packages wilting. They must be planted! Nothing gets me bothered more than a poor sad plant dying because it needs some water and some soil to rest in. So thank you, Mom. Do you know how much money you could be making as a personal trainer?!!

Seriously though, not only is a workout at Earth Gym good for the body, it’s good for the soul. My mom and I probably spent four hours together planning and digging and daydreaming about what our garden will look like come summer. I’m so excited. It’s the best mood lifter ever.

We had wanted to put in raised garden beds but we just couldn’t figure out a way to make them inexpensively. I’m not very good with a hammer and nails and lumber costs a fortune. So in the end we just figured we’d spend more time weeding and do it old-school style in the ground. I mean, really, we have all this dirt to work with, it was a shame not to plant in it. So what if we can’t afford fancy garden boxes? What we’re short on in money, we make up for with time!

At first I was intimidated by the rock-hard dirt and the foxtail infested grass that grows so rampantly out here but after hosing it for an hour it finally gave way to my willpower. I just imagined I was on a elliptical machine and somebody had pushed the “hill mode” button to challenge me. You think you got the best of me, rock-hard dirt? Have some hose water and eat my sweat!

It doesn’t look like much so far but I think if I keep putting in regular workouts every other day, it will probably be the best-looking garden around. Who knows, maybe I’ll have to charge admission and start taking on other customers who want to get a good work out.

Of course I’m the one who will be paying the water bill this summer so I might be paying for this workout in the end but I will be eating fresh fruit and vegetables knowing where they come from and that they have not been treated with chemicals, so there’s that. Not to mention the hours and hours of child care this backyard has provided. That’s a huge savings.

Bug and the neighborhood kids had a blast digging “moats” around the tomato plant “castles.” Shoot, I had a blast too! I love playing with mud and water! It takes me back to my childhood years when my brother and I used to spend whole summer days making rivers and dams and massive cities in the runoff water in the ditch in front of our house. There is nothing more fun than water management.

And then to celebrate a long hot workout, we sprayed water in the air and got everybody wet. It was like champagne without the calories.

I kinda like this healthy Garden Girl look on me, I think I’ll be back at Earth Gym tomorrow!

This is me at two in the morning. I have very weird sleep habits. I go to bed at eight pm. Why? Because I’m tired! Bug and the day wear me out. So when I put Bug to bed, I read her a few stories and before I know it my eyes are closing and it’s night night for me too. I really want to stay up until ten or midnight like the rest of the adults but I don’t know, I’m just too much of a morning person and I run out of steam when the sun goes down.

However, my body doesn’t need 12 hours of sleep like Bug’s does so I pop back awake at two in the morning. This is especially bad when I drink too much coffee and get no exercise. When I lived at the beach I walked everywhere so I was physically exhausted and could stay asleep until at least five in the morning. Out here, not so much. I’m cutting down on coffee (of course) but I’m also trying to figure out how to fit in exercise. It’s been a challenge. The neighborhood is not really the walking kind and well… it doesn’t take much to discourage me when it comes to working out.

I thought I had a plan. I was going to take Holly, the dog, on a long long walk early in the morning. That would be great for her (we usually take her on short walks just down our street) and for me because she’s a big scary black dog who will scare all the bad guys away. I called my mom and was all ready to send Bug over to my mom’s house to watch cartoons while I got some exercise.

Except Bug didn’t want to be left out. She loves working out. You know she does The Shred, right? She does it more than I do.

She puts me to shame.

So anyway she was having none of this walking dog business without her. Before I knew it she was off in her room changing into a workout outfit to match mine. I gave in and let her come with.

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Biggest mistake ever. Never take a kid on a long morning walk BEFORE breakfast. She might be shredded and spend two hours a week doing ballet and gymnastics but she does NOT like to keep up with me when I’m walking, especially when she is hungry, tired and bored. We walked about a half hour and I spent nearly all of it trying to get her to keep up with me. It was mental workout not a physical one. I miss my stroller. (I left it at the beach with Toby. It doesn’t travel well.) So I’m back to square one.

Jump rope anyone? Or maybe some shredding in the Pink Princess room?

Bug and I woke up early and took a walk to the beach with the jogger stroller this morning. I always feel good about coming home after being gone for a while and getting back to the beach. I feel like I’m appreciating being home and what it has to offer me. We’ve had a couple of hectic weeks and I’m looking forward to slowing down. Not that we didn’t have fun, we had a blast.

But slow is good too.

Our jogger stroller is fixed!

We did it! We did the local Two Mile Fun Walk! Walking two miles is really no big deal for us seasoned walkers except that we did it without our beloved jogging stroller!!! That stupid $@#@$% stroller.

Granted, the stroller was a freebie and we do leave it outside in the weather day in and day out. So it should be no surprise that all the wheels are cracked from sun damage. On most days the tires are nearly flat but it hobbles along pretty well anyway. It takes us over sand, grass, rock and gravel. It’s probably been on more adventures than most strollers just because of it’s superior light frame, the giant bike-sized wheels and the fact that I’m not afraid to get it dirty. It’s a freebie, who cares! It’s an off-roading stroller and we love it. Yeah, it veers a little to the left but I make it work.

On the morning of the race Bug and I got up super early. We slathered on sun screen, scraped a brush through our hair, ate a quick power breakfast and then rolled to the nearest gas station to pump up the tires. I’m pretty good at this tire-pumping business. We probably do it once a month. All the tires really needed air but the left one was particularly bad because the valve stem was sideways and you know what that means. It’s probably cut by the metal frame of the wheel. But whatever. We pumped it up and hoped for the best.

Five minutes later we were wheeling our way around the crowd at the start line. The Women’s 5K race is before the Fun Walk and people were everywhere smiling, laughing and cheering. It’s very easy to get caught up in the excitement of the big race. I did notice that the stroller was leaning to the left but it always does that a little bit so I ignored it. Besides here we were in the middle of all the excitement. It’s fun! Race day! Woo hoo!

Then a nice lady pointed out my very very very flat left tire. I looked down and it was the saddest thing I have ever seen. Cracked rubber riding on metal. No wonder Bug was almost falling out the left side of the stroller. So I did what anyone would do. I parked that sad miserable jogger stroller by a trash can and got in line for the race/walk anyway. It’s not like anybody is going to steal a very faded jogger stroller with a bum wheel.

My only concern was whether or not I could make it to the finish line carrying Bug. I knew she’d walk/run a lot of it but she is NOT the world’s fasted walker. Thankfully there were a lot of other kids running the fun walk too so she tried her best to keep up with them. It helped a lot.

We had so much fun. I don’t know why I worried so hard. I did have to carry her quite a bit but it was fun and the camaraderie you enjoy while walking and talking with the other participants completely takes your mind off how much your arms might be aching from carrying a thirty-one pound child. And really, she is pretty light. She grabs onto me like a monkey and we walk along more balanced than you’d expect. I know I’m lucky. I’ve held other kids her size before and they were an instant backache.

We made it all the way to the end and made some new friends along the way. I love this race and I hope to keep doing it for as long as we live here. It’s such a great family-oriented event and you feel super healthy and relaxed for the rest of the day. I wish I could do this every day. Maybe next year Bug will run the whole thing. My dream is that we do a marathon together someday. That would be the ultimate.

And of course we’ll get tattoos when we finish. It’s tradition!

I decided Bug didn’t need to have all the fun in ballet class so I joined one too. This local studio has a really cool program where you can enroll the whole family and take unlimited classes for a flat rate. But by far the best thing about this studio is that it is catered to moms and when you take classes they have free childcare right in the same room. So while I jumped around and plie-ed, I could watch Bug out of the corner of my eye.

I thought this might be a bad thing as Bug could watch me as well and throw a fit causing me to have to leave class and go fix whatever was wrong but thankfully that didn’t happen. They had crafts going on in the next room and she was happy as a clam. I love our new dance studio!

Now I’m just afraid this studio is going to blow up with popularity. I’ve had that happen before. I used to take a lot of yoga classes back when I was working full time and my favorite class kept getting more and more crowded. It was terrible. You couldn’t turn around without whacking into another sweaty body.

One day I was so claustrophobic I walked right out of the class and took a blanket with me accidentally. The office staff ran after me, apologizing for the crowdedness but I was really embarrassed so I just kept walking all the way out to my car with the blanket in tow. I still have that blanket and it still humiliates me whenever I see it. I should just take it back to the yoga studio and be done with it. It’s seriously been five or six years, I’m sure they would have no memory of me by now.

So anyway back to the ballet class. I really like it. It’s just hard enough to get me sweating but not too hard that I’m gasping on the floor while everyone else flounces around me. The only problem is that all the other girls appear to have been real ballerinas in their lifetime before motherhood. Their necks are so long, their arms are so graceful and their legs are like giraffes. I feel short and squatty and of course I’m as graceful as a mack truck.

I’m not letting my discomfort get the best of me though. I know this is just my perception of reality. I’ve come to realize that I’m just a very visual person and I’m prone to notice differences when I’m in a group of people who are different from me. I notice things like I’m the only one with bushy out-of-control bangs while everyone else has their sleek hair swept back into a neat bun.

Does that help me change and become more sleek? No. Well, maybe a little tiny microscopic bit over a long long time but I think my quirky character is pretty ingrained. I’m okay with that. While I might not have grace or super long bendy limbs, I do have a strong will and I know giving up just because I feel awkward isn’t going to get me anywhere. Though maybe next time I will try to find a shirt that doesn’t have paint stains on it.

We set out on an epic walk today. I’m sorry for using that word, epic. I read somewhere that somebody hates it when people use that word to describe things other than something something something but I can’t remember what the something something was or who said it or what irritated them about that word being misused so I’m going to use it anyway because I’m ignorant and it has a nice ring to it.

Anyway!

Bug had a bee in her bonnet about taffy and I only know of one place where you can get taffy (besides the grocery store of course but that’s boring or Old Town in San Diego which is a bit out of our way). That place that I know is Balboa Island. There is a candy store there that has barrels of the stuff. So we decided to walk there.

I don’t want to completely give away where we live (though it’s not that hard to figure out thanks to google and some bad choices I made several years ago) so I won’t say how far we walked to get to Balboa Island. But it was far. Far enough that it took up most of our day but it was the best day walking adventure we have ever had. It wasn’t really that far where we would need to pack water and a lunch but we dilly-dallied. Something Bug does very well.

We discovered a new park that has fantastic play equipment. While Bug sea-sawed and swung on the swings, I day dreamed about all the birthday parties I could host there if only Bug’s birthday wasn’t in January. I might just have to throw her a half birthday party some year because summer birthdays are so much more fun than winter birthdays.

When we finally pried ourselves away from our new favorite park and ambled over the bridge to Balboa Island, we found that there was a sand castle contest going on. Who knew! Not us. I really need to stay more updated on these things. We LOVE sand castle contests.

Balboa Island’s sand castle contest was just our speed too because the beach there is so narrow that the castles were pretty small and un-impressive. We could have entered this contest and beat the pants off them. Next year I might just have to do that. Also, unlike our local sand castle contest, this event is on a Saturday which means I might be able to enlist my family who can never make it to anything other than meeting (church) on Sunday. Pass it on, Mom!

We walked around a good chunk of the island. Bug chose the water route and ducked under all the docks that moor boats along the water’s edge. She got a kick out of waking up all the ducks that sleep there in the shade during the heat of the day.

Walking around the island is so pleasant. There is a big walk way along the water and butting right up against it are all the tiny little Mc-mansions. Everyone is always out enjoying the day and many of them strike up a conversation with you if you are walking slow enough, which we always are. Bug made many friends today.

Of course we got some taffy and then it was lunch time so I ate three tacos while Bug ate three bites. As you may have gathered, I’m not so swift on uptake when it comes to the no-treats-before-lunch-rule so I paid dearly for that one. And then I spoiled her even more by letting her get a frozen banana that Balboa Island is so famous for.

I was thinking that she might eat the banana and get some nourishment from that but I am an idiot because she ate all the chocolate and sprinkles off the banana and then decided she wasn’t hungry anymore! I should have known better. I would have eaten the mushy frozen banana but my teeth are sensitive and I don’t really like cold things. Yes, it’s true. I drink my water at room temperature and I don’t like ice cream that much.

Then we ambled back home just in time for Bug to fall dead asleep in her bed an hour late for her nap. Which was fine. We’re living summer hours here at La Casa de Ponnay. Bedtime is often pushed back an hour or more. I don’t really don’t care that much. Sometimes she even sleeps in when I let her stay up and then I don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn, which is really really nice.

It was a great day. I’m tired out from walking. Bug is tired out from playing. I don’t feel guilty for keeping her inside all day watching tv or stuck in the car while I run errands. It was a great Bug and Mom day. Long live the epic walk!

Wouldn’t it be cool if I could make a deck of cards that had 52 different exercises on them that you could do WITH your kid(s)? The only problem is that I am not a fitness expert and I don’t really know 52 different exercises. Maybe 52 is a little bit much…maybe I’ll aim for 20 and see how it goes.

Then I had a brilliant idea. What if you guys helped me out the way you helped me with the alphabet cards. That worked out splendidly. In fact, maybe if I print these someday (What am I thinking starting another project right now? I must be insane), I could give a free deck to all the people who contributed. You could contribute by emailing me photos of yourselves doing exercises (properly) with your kid or maybe you could just leave helpful comments like, “Dude you have to keep your knee at a 90 degree angle!” or something like that.

What do you think? Then I could put helpful information on the back of each card and maybe some funny jokes too. And maybe once a card is done, I’ll post them here for a short time as a free printable pdf so that if you play along the whole way, you get a deck free.

So far I’ve got the “kid squat” above that is surely terrible on your back but great fun for your monkey kid and the “swing lunge” below.

Thoughts? What should I call this project?