Bug and I visited the Carlsbad Ranunculus Fields a couple of weeks ago. It’s funny because there is nothing new to see at the fields from year to year. They pretty much look the same but I feel compelled to shell out the eleven dollars anyway because I love them so much. It’s tradition!

The tractor ride with the recorded voices,

The rows and rows in multicolors,

Purple…

Orange…

Every year we discuss which color is our favorite. This year we decided it was red.

Pretty pretty red.

With orange at a close second.

This year they have little walkways into the flowers so you can take photos that look like you are in the thick of the flowers even though you really aren’t. As usual you are not allowed to pick any which is so frustrating but understandable of course.

I would be deliriously happy if they let you pick your own flowers. Can you imagine? I would come home with armloads!

But one thing I thought about as we traveled over the old familiar grounds was how these flowers are appreciated the world over. There were so many tourists from Japan. It gave me a new appreciation of this amazing many petaled flower. How nice is it that I only have to drive an hour and a half to see such a wonder while others fly half way around the world!

Another thing different about this year was the sweet pea maze. Not how difficult it was. No, that was pretty much the same.

What changed was how Bug wasted me getting through it this time. It seems like yesterday we couldn’t even go in because she was afraid of it.

We also had strawberry shortcake this time which we’ve never had there before. It was delicious. Such sweet sweet berries! They were totally worth the five bucks we paid for them.

Until next year pretty flower fields!

Mwa!

She forgot to put her tooth under her pillow so I wrote a little note in my “tooth fairy writing” (aka really small chicken scratch that only I can do with my super nifty tokyo pen shop pens) that said, “Did you forget something.”

When she found the note she looked at it for several minutes and said, Mom, this looks like writing in your pen. So I rattled on about how the tooth fairy probably borrowed my pen just like Santa Claus borrows our wrapping paper. She wasn’t buying it. Just like she doesn’t buy the Easter Bunny or Santa anymore. What have I done to this child?

I tried really hard to let her believe in all the magical things of childhood for as long as I could but she’s just too dang smart.

Toothless Monkey Smart.

A while back Bug was invited to an “Under the Sea” birthday party. We love anything “Under the Sea”, as you know, so this party was right up our alley. And you can imagine our delight when the take-home party favor was a real live goldfish in a little glass bowl. Bug was over the moon and named her little fish Nemo right off the bat.

I was surprised when Nemo lived through the night and into the next week. His bowl was super small though so I borrowed an old beta tank my mom had. I’d had it before and managed to keep guppies alive in it for months before a power outage turned off my desk light and they died from getting too cold. It was small but I wasn’t quite ready to shell out the dough for a big aquarium. I’ve had a goldfish or two in my life so I know how these things go.

Amazingly, Nemo kept staying alive so we decided to double our fun with a trip to Petsmart. Twelve dollars later we had a small plastic plant, a really cool under-water bridge and a friend for Nemo named, Orangina.

Then things started to go bad. Orangina and Nemo might have gotten fed a little too much to eat even though I had repeatedly warned Bug about over-feeding fish. But Nemo and Orangina were very hungry, mom! she informed me as I surveyed Nemo and Orangina’s foggy tank. I thought I’d kept an eye on Bug’s feeding schedule but maybe I should have kept the food out of reach altogether. Orangina started swimming sideways and by the next morning she was dead.

We had a funeral in the backyard and buried Orangina by the rose bushes with a big sling-shot looking stick for her gravestone. It was all very sad.

I knew we had to step it up a notch if we were going to keep Nemo around. So we took a dreaded trip to Walmart and bought one of those all-inclusive 10-gallon aquariums kits that comes with a filter, a water treatment packet, a tiny packet of food, a light etc etc…We bought some rocks and some more food and before I knew it, I’d spent over $50 on a party favor fish that we got for free at a birthday party.

But Nemo was a great friend for Bug by now. She checked on him religiously. I remember doing the same thing when I was a kid. In fact, my mom still has a great big 80-gallon aquarium that she’s kept the same school of happy fish in for years.

Even though we had a new tank with nice clean treated water and Nemo seemed to really like it, after a few days he started swimming sideways too. We prepared ourselves mentally and sure enough he finally gave up the ghost a day later. There was another funeral in the backyard by the roses.

Thankfully, my brother showed up in town about this time and he’s kept fish for years so he took us back to Petco to do it right. We got our water tested and got a long lecture from the official fish expert on Nitrates and Nitrites and how bad our city water out of the tap really is. I did not know! So we started over with new treated water. We let that water sit for a week (which was great for anticipation and appreciation—I highly recommend it) and then went back to Petco a week later for some new fish.

We got six guppies and one African Dwarf Frog. We were very excited about the African Dwarf Frog. Unfortunately, he burried himself under the plastic plant and bridge and we haven’t seen him since. I can find him if I move things around but I have no idea if he’s eating. I have to put my hand all the way in the tank to give him food under his bridge because if I let it drop from the top the guppies eat it faster than you can blink. Those suckers like to eat! And even when I put it under the bridge they go after that. So I’m really worried about Mr. Frog aka Jumpy.

A few days later two of the guppies died. It’s been two weeks now and the remaining four are still alive. Mr. Frog seems to be alive too but I haven’t seen much of him. Anyone know anything about African Dwarf frogs? Please don’t tell me that he should have his own tank because I don’t think I can handle another aquarium at this point.

But the story doesn’t stop there of course. Oh no. Toby got wind of Bug’s new hobby and he decided he’d show her a really good time and take her to some kind of super ultra deluxe pet fair they were having at the local fairgrounds. I have no idea what happened but somehow Bug came home with a blue beta that she “won.” His name is Ocean.

He’s very beautiful but I didn’t want a Beta. I’m in over my head with the fish in this house. As it is I have to change water every three weeks and all this hulabaloo about additives and nitrates and nitrites has me a little stressed out. I have a hard enough time keeping cat boxes clean and a dog who doesn’t like to go outside let out at regular intervals. Don’t get me wrong, part of me is just as over the moon about our menagerie as Bug is but the other part is very tired. So we have a Beta.

And the cats like him very much.

So he lives up high in the china cabinet with all my party glasses. It’s very swanky up there.

So how does all that add up to six thousand dollars you ask? Well, it doesn’t quite but what I’m trying to say is that a goldfish is the gateway drug to a very expensive hobby. Last weekend Toby took us on a family outing to a tropical fish store in Huntington Beach. What a fun family outing you say? Hah!

It was. This store is a wonderland of fish and all things fishy. Don’t want to pay admission to the fancy dancy aquarium? No problem, just hit up the local tropical fish store. We spent hours and hours there. Mostly because Toby got sucked in but also because it was fun.

There were crabs,

and turtles and giant koi…

Fish with stripes that went this way,

and fish with stripes that with that way.

Fish right out of the movie Nemo…

Aquatic frogs,

And tiny miniature puffer fish! I want these ones really bad. They are so cute. I don’t know if they puff up or not though.

There were eels.

And starfish!

Seahorses…

Anemones…

And lion fish!

And of course lots of friendly guppies.

You know what Bubba thinks? He thinks we’re not going home without buying some fish…

LINE AND SINKER!!!

Guess who has Daddy wrapped around her little finger and now has an 80-gallon tank filled with real plants in her very own bedroom at Daddy’s house?

Toby is a total sucker.

He didn’t spend six grand. He didn’t even spend six hundred I don’t think but while we were in the store we ran into some tropical fish people and they said having fish as a hobby was pretty much like having a boat—you just throw money into the water. Of course I should probably qualify my teasing by saying that Toby has kept fish before and this hobby is near and dear to his heart. In fact, back when Bug was probably two or three I wanted to get her a fish and he cautioned me not to because he knew that someday this would be something very special they did together.

So I guess today is that day. This coming weekend they are picking out the fish that will go into the giant bedroom tank. I’m sure it’s the beginning of a very big and very expensive adventure. I’m just glad it’s at his house!

I’m so proud today. Bug won her very first coloring contest.

I didn’t even know there was a contest. You’d think with something big like this she’d come home and tell me all about it. I mean, we LOVE coloring in this house. It’s our one big thing that we always do together, every day. You’d think maybe we could brain storm on ideas and practice on our own versions at home or something.

Nope. Not a peep from Bug. I did not know anything about it.

I do remember a few weeks ago at a movie night function that they hosted at school, one of the teachers mentioned that the t-shirt contestants had their t-shirt designs hung up in the library along with all the science projects and we were welcome to go look at them. Bug and I made our way over to the library. We looked at the science projects and even sat down and read a book together but not once did she mention the t-shirt coloring contest. I figured it was for the older grades and really didn’t even bother looking at them. I think there might have been some paper t-shirts hung in the window but nothing caught my eye.

So today when I’m picking Bug up from school and I overhear one of the teachers telling another parent that their child won third place in the t-shirt coloring contest, my ears perked up. A coloring contest? For kindergarteners? How did I not know about this? Such things are so very near and dear to my heart! In fact, all these years one of my biggest claims to fame is how I won the school-wide haunted house coloring contest in second grade!! I may have even used it as a bullet point on a resume or two.

I turned to Bug with question-mark-eyes popping out of my head.

“Oh,” she says matter-of-factly as she unzips her backpack and hands me a blue ribbon. “I won first place and they gave me a free book.”

Kids. Sheesh.

Naturally, I don’t like to talk about The Divorce much on this blog. It’s not that I don’t like to share. I do. I share too much. It’s just that my divorce is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you and I don’t know what is okay to talk about and what is not. Mostly, I just want to tread lightly so I don’t break anything else. Everything feels so fragile.

Over the last few months things had gotten out of balance between Toby and me. Nothing serious. We still both put Bug first and that’s the most important thing but I was feeling like the arrangements weren’t so very fair. I didn’t know how to tell him.

I had to talk to a lot of my friends, I had to write that Sister Forever Friend post and get a lot of kind comments and emails. I had to pray and get up the nerve. It took forever for me to get up the nerve. Finally I just called Toby up and told him what was bothering me.

And guess what? Toby completely agreed with me. He didn’t fight me at all. I was expecting World War Three and there was no fight. Not even one harsh word. I was so relieved.

So instead of our usual trek to the beach, Toby came out to visit us in the sticks. It was a huge lifesaver for me because I’ve had work coming out my ears, my car has been in the shop for some body work and I’ve just been tired. Too tired to clean the house. Too tired to get things done.

It was so nice to just stay home for the weekend for a change. I know this custody thing will always be hard. It’s the life a divorced person has to face but it was so wonderful to not have to give up Friday and Saturday for a change. Not that we’re changing our arrangement. I’ll probably go back to the usual trek. But Toby agreed that to make things fair he would come visit us once in a while instead. Bug still has ballet and gymnastics classes out in Orange County so we’ll probably just limp through the rest of this school year until we move back to the beach BUT it just felt so wonderful that he understood how hard it’s been on me. I guess I just needed that.

Toby made us a bird feeder while he was out here. We took a family trip to the hardware store and made a day of it. It was lovely.

Now I have this really lovely birdhouse feeder tray thing to look at. The birds love it. The cats love it.

Bug loves it.

Three more months of this and then things will get easier. Maybe. But everybody is right. It does get better.

*Thank you Bethany for coining that phrase. I think we are going to have a State of the Disunion meeting every six months now.

Bug is a huge fan of St. Patrick’s Day. I think it’s the remainders of her love for the color green. She might say she’s into indigo or turquoise or ultra-marine peacock…but I think she still holds a very big soft spot for the color green.

So of course we had to make a great big Leprechaun House for our March Alpha+Mom project!

The leprechaun headband hat thingy was a really big deal. It may have been number six on our things-to-do list but she talked about it nonstop for days. Normally, I wouldn’t give such a cheap tacky headband a second thought but I have a kid who loves headbands and she will actually wear it day in and day out for years to come. She’s such a nut.

It’s been a while since I’ve cobbled together a lumpy pillow that roughly looks like a stuffed animal. I used to do it all the time. In fact, when I was little, many of my daydreams centered around the day that I would finally own my own sewing machine and then I could make anything I wanted. I envisioned a whole world out of stuffed material. There would be trees made of green calico and brown felt bears with black pleather noses… I would make a whole forest of animals!

Then I grew up and realized that sewing is hard and it takes entirely too much time. However, I did buy a sewing machine when I got old enough and I’ve made the odd lumpy pillow over the years.

So when Bug came to me dressed in a brown-flowered skirt and the only brown t-shirt she could find (that happened to have pieces of cake on it) and explained that she was a forest girl and all she needed to complete her pretend world was a pet owl that she couldn’t find anywhere in her vast (and I mean vast) collection of stuffed animals, I hesitated. It was true. She has every animal under the sun I think but she does not have an owl. Octopus, check. Ferret, check. Owl: no dice.

At first I rolled my eyes at her and told her to just imagine one or to find some other forest animal to play with. I’m sure the Forest Girl would be friends with all the animals. As she ran off, slightly distressed, to look one more time inside her hedgehog for some sad sorry owl substitute, I gazed over at my new clean work table and my stack of folders representing all the jobs I’ve got going on right now and sighed heavily. Then I decided that I would much rather make a stuffed owl than attend to my many deadlines. Blast it. Life is short. I should make an owl, I thought.

I hauled out my banker’s box full of odd bits of fabric and called Bug over to help me pick something owlish. She was beside herself excited of course. The prospect of making an owl, from fabric with mommy’s sewing machine! She hadn’t even thought of that. This was probably a bit foolish on my part because now she’s going to be thinking I can make anything she sets her heart on at the drop of a hat.

I’m sure I’ll soon cure her of that.

Anyway, she picked some red velvet for the body, some orange raw silk for feet and a beak and we found some buttons for eyes. I was going to use that brown corduroy for wings but like all my sewing projects, it got simplified in the end. I’m not that amazing at sewing.

I did, however, have a fantastic idea for the feet. What if I sewed the raw silk around some pipe cleaners so they could bend like real talons?!! I didn’t sew tiny claw tubes and then turn them inside out or anything. That would be madness. No, I just sewed seams around the pipe cleaners, cut off the excess and let the raw edges fray. The owl would have floppy-feathered* feet like real owls do.

It actually worked really well.

With Bug hovering at my side, I sewed up the owl body, snipped the edges, turned him inside out and let Bug stuff him. I stuck the bendy feet inside the body where the stuffing hole was and sewed him closed with a kiss and prayer.

And that is how Owly (or Velvie, as Bug calls him) became the floppy-feathered owl that hangs upside down from branches. So his bendy feet aren’t strong enough to hold up his own stuffed-with-fluff weight. That’s okay. He’s still cute. (Maybe I should try that trick with a bat next time.)

And she loves him.

I’m not really sharing this story so you can say, Oh, wow you’re such a great seamstress! (snort.) or Oh, Brenda, you’re such a great mom. Because I’m not. I like to put pictures up that make me look like I’m doing a half-way decent job but really, I’m just like every other mom on the planet nagging and yelling and failing everyday at motherhood. I should share the humiliating jacket story that happened the other day. Ugh. It was terrible.

Okay I’ll just share a little bit: I thought I’d teach Bug a lesson about not getting ready fast enough in the morning by making her wear an ugly jacket to school. It wasn’t even an ugly jacket but she hates it with a white hot passion which drives me crazy because I think it’s a perfectly nice jacket and it’s cozy and warm. I can’t stand seeing her shivering in the cold on the playground when she has a perfectly good jacket to wear but she’s too vain to put it on. It’s big, I’ll give her that and I guess the kids don’t like wearing things baggy these days or something but sheesh! The battles we have over that stupid jacket some mornings make me want to wave a white flag and tear up my mom card.

So she made me mad one morning like she often does by not getting dressed and not getting her shoes on and just generally goofing off and being a normal six-year-old. I lost my temper and said, That’s IT! You’re wearing the ugly jacket and you are going to learn a lesson. You’re going to learn to get ready quickly because you never know what punishments might await you around the corner if you don’t take Mommy’s nagging seriously, rant, rant, rant.

As you probably predicted by knowing Bug from past posts I’ve written about her, she didn’t get over it. There were tears all the way to school. How could I make her look so hideous, she cried. All the kids weren’t going to like her. It was a tragedy. Weeping and gnashing of teeth…So sad, so terrible…

I was tough about this lesson all the way to school. I would not let her win. But when we got to school and I looked down at this little two-foot person standing next to me in the giant purple coat that she hates so much with tears streaming down her cheeks silently; I was a mess. How could I do this to her? She was going to be humiliated all day and what would she learn from it? That her mom is mean and has no taste in coats? At the same time how could I let her niggle out of this punishment without teaching her that crying and throwing fits works like magic? It’s the eternal parental predicament I find myself in. You just want to make them happy but you don’t want them to grow up like spoiled brats either.

So we sat on the wall outside of her school like we often do when we are a little bit early and soaked up the sun. She’d stopped crying and had finally accepted her fate. I was just tired and wanted to hold her close to me because I feel that way when I drop her off at school. I feel like I’m missing something when she’s gone from me and it makes me sad all day until I get to pick her up. I like to hug her and squeeze her and blow kisses and do all the mushy embarrassing things that moms do when they’re dropping off kindergarteners. I know she won’t let me do it much longer so I treasure it.

And as we sat there in the bright winter sun, I felt a little warm. It wasn’t that cold actually. It was warm enough to take our jackets off really. So I took her jacket off and stuffed it in her backpack just in time for her to run to the gate as the bell rang. Did she learn the lesson that I wanted to teach her? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever know. All I know is that this parenthood gig kicks me in the butt on a regular basis.

That and pipe cleaners make pretty good beak bones.

*floppy-feathered is what Bug says when she can’t pull her tights all the way up and the loose feet where her feet should be flop around when she walks.

So you guys wanted to see the author shots that Anna took of me. I have a TON of them so I’m just going to plaster this post with all of them! I’m a little embarrassed to have such a me me me post but I figure it’s better to get it over with all at once and maybe you guys can help me pick the best ones that I should use in my books and bios and such—and can you help me write that bio while you’re at it? I’m so stuck.

These are from the day we went to Palm Springs. I love Palm Springs. So dry and clear and then there’s this gigantic mountain that shoots straight up into the sky. I always like to live next to something that is BIG. Ocean, mountain…just something to give me a sense of direction. Put me in Bakersfield or the rolling hills of Texas and I’m completely lost.

Of course Bug came with us and she stole the show from me, as usual.

I love the one on the right with me on the rock. I think I’ll use it on the back cover of my next self-help book. Just kidding. I’m not writing any self-help books!

Oh, I look so authorly. Too authorly? Okay, then here, look at my chest. Funny story: I wore a hot pink bra and I’m sure poor Anna spent many hours photoshopping it out. I really didn’t mean to cause her so much extra work it’s just that it’s my favorite bra and all the other ones are all stretched out. (Motherhood is so glamorous. Also, I need to go shopping.)

Cheeeeese! You know, that smile cost my parents a pretty penny. They really couldn’t afford braces but I had the most awful snaggle-toothed grin (Seriously, bi-cuspids where bi-cuspids should not be.) that they couldn’t afford not to for my sake. Consequently, I had braces for about eleven years—or at least it seemed like it because my parents couldn’t always make the payments on time. I used to go to the orthodontist every week and sometimes I would just sit in the waiting room while the orthodontist mumbled under his breath about my parents who were late on the bill again and again. I think he probably gave me half of my appointments out of charity. And for that (and my parents hard-earned payments) I am eternally thankful.

I love these ones by this busy tile wall. Crazy texture and some cowboy boots too! I love that old dress. Yes, I have worn it to every big event for the last six years. I wear it at least once a month and it’s still going strong. I’ll probably cry when it finally wears out.

Secret Agent Girl! Er Woman, er…Mom or something.

I really like these ones. Too bad Bug’s glasses are knocked all caliwumpus.

Who says 39-year-olds can’t show their knees? I do. Except they don’t look so bad in this shot. Anna is amazing, I tell you.

Okay. Tired of that dress yet? Good ’cause we’re moving on.

This is Brenda of the Grapefruit Groves. Have you heard that ghost story? Just kidding. This is me in my giant thrift-store turquoise skirt. I bought it for about three bucks and had my aunt take it in for me. It was a size 22 but I loved the color so much I just ripped that size tag out and got it tailored. Them’s the perks of having a seamstress in the family.

Dappled light, sitting in trees. I’m so versatile. Don’t you just want to read my books?

Here I’m modeling for a cover for the next Twilight book.

The grapefruits were actually pretty cool. Too bad they can’t be me on my author page on Amazon.

Oh yay! Let’s look at Bug. She’s such a sight for sore eyes.

Speaking of eyes, it’s Crazy-Eyes Ponnay again! I swear, I am probably the only person who looks worse in make-up. And these are the good shots! You should see all the outtakes and what I looked like before Anna softened things. Never mind. Be thankful I’m sparing you.

I like these ones. Mostly because I am wearing my fake-but-possibly-real Missoni dress that my aunt Keren made me. What’s that you say? You have a fake-possibly-real Missoni dress? I do! Remember that Target/Missoni craze that happened a while back? Well, my aunt saw the ads and remembered an old bolt of this funky fabric she had that looked just like Missoni fabric. She has no idea where it came from and there is no brand name anywhere on the fabric or on the cardboard spool. One of her clients just left it at her shop and never asked for it back. My aunt asked me if I’d like a dress out of it and I said, Yes, Ma’am! It’s a little itchy on the inside but I love it. Nobody else has a dress like this. My mom says it gives her a headache but I don’t care. I still like it.

And Bug has one to match!

I love these photos of us in our trench coats AND the mini Eiffel Tower, or as Rotin said on Flickr: “My how we’ve grown!” We’re actually outside a French Restaurant in Newport Beach that I’ve yet to try. Anna said they got the French wrong on their painted windows so they’ve kind of lost their magic to me. But I do still love the mini Eiffel Tower. I want it in my future walk-in closet so I can throw my clothes on it.

And that’s all of them! Phew! Thank you Anna! Everyone else: you should hire her.

You know what they always tell me: It always works out. This party was no exception.

No matter how much you fret and worry and freak-out about the severe storm warnings, the wind, the lack of space, the unknown-non-rsvp-ing mystery guest list, the kids who get bored in five minutes if there isn’t a bounce house and all the many many things you wish you could fix in your old broken-down mobile home…it all works out. It all worked out perfectly thanks to many whispered prayers.

Of course everything started really early in the morning. I was making the stump cake (which by the way came together exactly how I imagined and completely architecturally amazed me. I think I’ll do a whole post on that.) my mom was making her little cherry-tomato-ladybug cracker things, my dad was hanging lights in the carport and Toby showed up which turned out to be quite providential because right then Bug and I had a pretty big disagreement over her costume for the day.

I had thought she was going to wear her blue leotard with this really pretty light purple tutu that my friend Wendy gave her. It was perfect for the party. It was gauzy and had flower petals inside the layers. Except there was one problem that I guess Bug and I had discussed already and somehow in my absentminded party-planning-craziness I had forgotten.

It was the wrong color.

Now in a normal family the mother would say to the daughter: Tough. Get over it. I am the mom, you are the kid. And then the daughter would pout for five minutes and sneak a cupcake or something. Not this family. Color is EVERYTHING. If you’ve been following this blog for the last five years, you know how Bug feels about color. First there was green, then there was fuschia and now there is this peacock blue/teal/turquoise family.

Bug has her dad’s perfectionist eye when it comes to color. They can both see shades and nuances in color that even bees and hummingbirds can’t see. Seriously. If you know Toby you’ve probably heard him discuss how a photo has a green cast to it and go on and on about it until your eyes roll back in your head. Like father, like daughter.

So, apparently sometime in the last month or so I had told Bug that I would sew her a blue skirt to match her leotard. I’m sure I did. I had waxed on about all sorts of costume ideas and I’m sure she overheard me talking about them with all sorts of people. There was a time when I was thinking of sewing material to the leotard in waves to make her look like a water fairy and then I had this idea that I would sew up an old 60′s pattern my mom had in a pretty turquoise raw silk…But when it came down to the week of the party and I had way too much to get done (plus work deadlines), I just shelved all those fancy costume dreams and figured she was okay with the purple tutu. She had worn it several times before and flounced around so happily. I thought we were good.

I was wrong and Bug has a memory like an elephant.

Just when I thought it was going to be a whole day of “It’s-my-birthday-I-can-cry-if-I-want-to” Toby showed up. Of course he took her side, he always does. So I hatched a brilliant plan. If Toby would take her to the fabric store and buy her some blue tulle in the perfect color, then I would sew it right then and there. Never mind that I had 50 cupcakes to ice, animal masks to cut out and assemble, counters to clean, a hot cocoa bar to set up, craft tables to be set up, lemonade to make…blah-ti-blah-crazy-party-zilla rant here.

I figured either Toby would refuse to go to the fabric store on principle (places like that give him the willies) and then he’d be stuck convincing Bug that the purple tutu was perfectly fine OR they’d go together and have a wonderful father-daughter bonding time over color and fabric and they’d both be out of my hair for HOURS.

As you can see my plan worked brilliantly. They were gone for hours and everyone was happy. And yes, I can totally sew a tutu out of a yard of organza (not tulle) in five minutes flat.

Next came the spread. Amazingly, I was able to get everything done at the last minute. My mom went completely crazy over-the-top with these super cute little bug appetizers that I did not really get a good photo of. (That is my one big regret of the day. I never handed my camera off to someone else to take photos. And all my regular photographer friends weren’t there so the only photos I have are blurry ones. It breaks my heart too because I think this is my favorite party and all I have to show for it are a dozen blurry photos. Oh well.)

My mom made ladybugs out of cherry tomatoes, ants on a log, snails out of cucumbers wrapped around some kind of cream-cheese-sundried tomato mix and some green leafy-looking tortilla pinwheel things. I never got to taste them but I heard everyone else raving so I guess they were really good.

I was just so happy the cake turned out. The mushrooms my aunt made and these funny little malt ball acorns we made by rolling one end in melted chocolate and chopped nuts were so cute!! It was the best cake ever. I’m just so sad I didn’t get better photos.

Anyway, you get the idea.

But you know what else turned out? Everything else!!! I was so happy and relieved.

I had cancelled the bounce house because all morning it had been drizzling and the weather report forecasted nothing but rain and wind. But then one hour into the party, the sun came out and my Aunt Keren called the bounce house company back up and told them to get there ASAP. I had really given up on the idea. The driveway was full of cars, it just seemed monumentally impossible but never under-estimate the power of a short red-head. They get things DUN. Cars got re-parked, the bounce house people showed up and five minutes later we had kids bouncing in a giant fairytale castle in the sunshine. I couldn’t believe it.

Really, I should include one other thing in this story. Earlier in the day, probably around 2pm, I had remarked to my Aunt Keren (who had gotten there early to help) that I really wanted to brush my teeth before the guests arrived at 3pm. I hadn’t eaten breakfast, I hadn’t even had my coffee…things were crazy. All my kitchen counter-tops (which is really only one counter) were a mess and I was starting to get a tiny bit snappy at my mom because most of the mess was her mess—which I love her for dearly because LADY BUGS! SNAILS! ANTS ON A LOG! All not part of my plan but so WONDERFUL!!! Actually, I take that back. I did ask her to make the ladybugs but the rest were her creative embellishments. Super super cool but sort of worrying me because now we had about five thousand things to do at the very last minute. You can imagine my party-zilla distress.

My aunt pulled me by the arm into the bathroom and made me brush my teeth. She physically made me do it. I’m sure partly because I had horrible breath and partly because she knew I was going to explode and yell at my mom if she didn’t. So there we were in my tiny bathroom and while I’m brushing she held my hand and prayed out loud. I don’t remember what she prayed but I know it was something about it being a wonderful party for a happy little girl who we love so much.

And that’s why when the sun came out and my counters were all perfectly clean and there was a giant pink bounce house in my driveway that I felt like God was smiling at me. I hate being a gushy Christian going on about how God makes things “easy” because he doesn’t but for one moment I realized that if I just throw up my hands and let Him take care of things he totally does! It wasn’t supposed to be sunny!! It was rainy and cold and people were freezing. I did actually have to hand out blankets to the moms who sat outside and watched their kids in the bounce house but it was wonderful. It was cozy. We had hot chocolate and the lights my dad hung in my carport made it feel warm and inviting.

We had sun.

The fairy house kits were a hit. (Thank you Momfluential for that wonderful idea!) Some of the kids were baffled by it, others were engrossed. It’s really fun to watch how creative some children are naturally. They don’t need any prompting at all. The others didn’t get it at all so they went bananas in the bounce house instead, which was perfectly fine with me.

The lemonade turned out perfectly. You should really use this idea at your next party. The hole-punching was a bit of a chore but so worth it.

The hot chocolate bar was wonderful, thanks to my friend Deb who acted as bartender and some tasty six dollar amaretto from Trader Joe’s.

The masks were a fun photo prompt. I always like to have some silly thing like this to prompt people to take photos. You can download your own copies over at Alpha+Mom if you were thinking of having a woodland creatures party. (I strongly recommend it!)

Some people don’t need much prompting. Love her.

And of course there were presents…

And everyone fit in my tiny house!!!

And cake!

I love these candles that don’t burn out. They give you plenty of chances to get a photo even if you are the hostess with the mostess and you’re too frazzled to check your camera settings.

Blow little Bug, Blow!

She finally got them all out and everybody cheered. It was great.

Carrien cut the cake for me because I was afraid of it. I’ve never made a cake that big before and the chocolate sticks were in there making it all weird and unpredictable. I just let the professional take care of it. Do you know what else Carrien is a professional at? Cleaning stoves. Yeah. She’s has OCD about it. It was so funny. As the party was dying down and we were cleaning up, she started cleaning my very dirty stove. At first I tried to stop her, but then she got in there with a little bread-tab scraper and I figured I better shut up because that stove was going to be cleaner than it’s ever been in it’s entire life!!!

So that was pretty much it. These photos are from the after party. I love the after party. Chatting, cleaning, kids playing dress up…it was just a whole bunch of wonderful.

A very long, tiring day of wonderful.

I have to admit I’m solar-powered. You always wondered why I’m full of enthusiasm and great ideas. Well, that’s my secret. It’s the sun. When the sun goes down so do I. So I get plenty of sleep which is awesome. I’m like Wall-E when I wake up. I have to situate my face so that the sun can fill up my battery reserves and then BVrrroooong! I make that sound a mac makes when it starts up and you forget to turn off the volume before shut down last time (Don’t you hate it when that happens at the library?).

This also goes for my moods. Sunny = Happy. Cloudy = Sad.

It’s great that I live in Southern California where it is sunny 90 percent of the time but when it’s cloudy I suddenly become like the rest of you sad people on anti-depressants and I don’t know what to do with all this gloom! It’s so murky and, and…awful!!! How do you cope?!! How do you get anything done? Ugh. I feel like I’m wearing cement shoes and my arms are stuck to the ground with strings of chewing gum. I just want to go crawl into a hole and die.

This is all not very fantastic when you’re planning a birthday party for a little girl who is turning six and birthday parties are what you are good at. There is no failing at birthday-party-planning in this house. No sadness allowed! We eat obstacles for lunch. Bring on the challenges!!! Fifty people in a small mobile home with muddy feet?! I can do it!!!!

As you can see, my winter-wonderland of backyard fun with stumps for chairs and bedspreads for tents might not be happening. My visions of tulle strung from the trees and girls sipping lemonade is vanishing before my very eyes. All I can see are freezing cold fairies with muddy feet running in and out of my house and tracking mud all over my peach-colored carpet. Which I hate anyway so I guess it’s not that big of a deal but I’m still getting hives over it. Ugh! Mud! Kids! Hyperactivity! The bounce house people won’t deliver the bounce house if it’s going to rain!! What am I going to do?!!!!

There is a thirty-percent chance of rain predicted for Saturday. I know in Portland that would be a perfect day for an outdoor party. You might even throw a pool party on a day like that and wear a bikini but here? We are weeenies! We are freezing our butts off!!! We are seriously shivering and moaning. It’s sad and pathetic and majorly cramping my party-planning style.

Well, until the sun comes out. When the sun shines I can think of all kinds of crazy ideas. I can do this. We can have an indoor party. I am excellent at crafts! But when the sun goes back behind a cloud again I shrivel up. The obstacles! It’s too hard! I just want to cancel the whole thing.

Such crazy talk.

So here’s my plan: The bounce house people said I can decide on the day of the party whether or not to have a bounce house. If it’s raining we’ll just move on. If it’s not really raining we will move the bounce house to the front yard and put it on the driveway where there is no mud. I don’t know where people are going to park but that’s their problem.

Inside: I’m going to move all my furniture to the side and create a big open space in my living room/office. Maybe I’ll talk Toby into letting me borrow the giant heirloom Persian rug that he has rolled up in Bug’s room at his house that is not getting used. He won’t mind too terribly if it gets chocolate cake ground into it, right? Hmmm…that probably won’t fly.

Then I’ll use all that tulle that I was going to put in the trees outside, inside. It will be like prom night! I’ll just hang it from the ceiling from an old hula hoop or something.

I bet you wondered why I have a whole bolt of tulle. That’s a good question. I’m weird. I used to do flowers for weddings back in the 90′s and I had a much bigger budget back then. I guess I just bought a whole bolt of tulle and I still have it to this day. I have a whole shed full of floral supplies leftover from those days. It’s coming in very handy.

So with the tulle and these stars it could be magical, right? Bug and I made silver stars the other day with card stock and glitter. I was going to hang them from the trees outside with my fairy orbs but now I think I’ll just hang them inside. Maybe I’ll get crazy with some sheets and make fairy tents inside too. That will be super fun when the kids pull them down along with the sheetrock from my ceiling. Oh boy.

I wish I had a man around the house who liked to build things. That would be so awesome. I could probably install a giant branch in the middle of my living room and bolt it to the ceiling. The cats would go crazy. (Note to self: If ever dating again make sure to date someone handy.) But I have no man around the house and my dad is working until Saturday so I’ll probably have to scale back my visions. That’s okay. It’s gonna happen. We’ll make it work. It always does.

Ugh. How am I going to make this work? You see this kitchen? Charming you think? Shudder. The wallpaper offends me so badly that I think I’ve blocked it out. It’s like a weird vibration in my head that makes me only see white where the little flowers are. But then I got this idea that I would rip off a part of the wallpaper near the sink. It had some water-staining and was really driving me crazy. I thought I would do what I did in my bedroom and go with the whole I-live-in-a-run-down-Parisian-apartment look where the ripped wallpaper reminds me of an Anthropolgie ad.

It did not work. Now I have a big blank spot over the sink that is still water-stained and your eye is drawn to it because it is NOT wall-papered!!! I might as well install neon signs pointing at all the ugliness. This would not be a big deal if the weather was great. I would just route everybody straight to the backyard and they would avoid the kitchen but now all my guests are going to be filing through my kitchen and silently judging me. I just know it.

If I had a man around the house I would ask him to paint all the wallpaper red for me or maybe pistachio green to match the cupboards. (Boy, don’t I seem like a catch?) I would do it myself except all those shelves would have to be removed (and the screw holes are puddied) and there is this light fixture contraption near the sink that my Grandpa installed that is bent on electrocuting me. I already tried to de-install it once and it zapped and ker-powed at me like a comic book villain. I’ve decided to leave it alone. So I don’t think this kitchen eyesore is going to be magically beautiful before the party. Back to blocking it out.

Did I mention that we went to one of Bug’s friend’s party this last weekend and they had a huge perfect house where they regularly host weddings in their living room? Yeah. No pressure. None at all. How does one go about canceling a party at the last minute again? Can I just board up my house and pretend I don’t live here?

Let’s talk about what is working. The craft ideas for the party are going along swimmingly. I know it’s hard to tell when I’m being sarcastic and when I’m not but here I’m actually happy about something. I decided to use Momfluential’s idea for fairy house kits. All those floral supplies I have on hand totally saved me. I didn’t even have to buy one thing to make all these bags up. It’s kinda scary that I have that much crap on hand but hey, it works out. I get to get rid of a lot of stuff and the kids get make fun fairy house with odd bits and bobs. I hope they are into it. I know I will be. I am all over this kind of craft like a fly on…nevermind. You get the picture. It’s going to be fun.

I think I’ll give each kid a stump disc and maybe some putty to stick things into. I was going to be on glue-gun duty but I decided with thirty-some kids they’d probably all want me to glue something and one of them was bound to get burnt. Since I don’t know every kid as well as I usually do I think I’ll pass on all the possible lawsuits. I think they can manage with sticks and putty and chennile stems and string. It’ll be fun.

The next thing that is working are the fairy drinks. I bought a whole bunch of canning jars and covered the printing on the lid with some silk flowers.

Then I punched a hole through the metal lid with my trusty metal hole-puncher and my super human man-hand strength. Actually, I only did one. It was pretty tough but it can be done. I’m leaving the rest of the lids for Saturday and I’ll let my Dad do it. Or any other random strong person who comes around.

Then I filled the jar with ice, a lemon slice and some delicious homemade lemonade from my backyard. I screwed the lid back on, stuck a pretty striped straw through the hole and presto! A perfect fairy drink!

So I’m making it work. When the sun comes out I’m pretty positive.