The Bible Conference
January 1st, 2009
Happy New Year! Did you see my new banner? No? Empty your cache and refresh your browser. There it is. Anyway before I go off rambling about the super duper invites I’m designing for Bug’s super-duper-puppet-show birthday party coming up, I think I better say a few words about the bible conference I attended over Christmas weekend.
I usually hate to talk about this stuff because I know some of you will write me off as one of those bible-thumping lunatics and the rest of you will sigh and shake your head that I’m such a coward always shying away from writing about spiritual things because it’s not the popularly accepted thing to do. And then there’s part of me that is embarrassed to admit that I probably only took in about ten percent of what was going on because I was trying to keep my toddler in line and I was distracted by the secret-coded notes my ten-year-old niece was passing right by me. (By the way, my niece may be a bad influence but she is totally clever.)
So we stayed in a fancy hotel, we ate more cookies and I drank more coffee than I really should have… I saw old friends that I haven’t seen in three years or more and I learned some things. I don’t feel like this is the place to discuss them. (Not to mention I don’t want to admit how dumb I am.) But I’m coming around to the fact that I shouldn’t hide that I am a Christian anymore. I know. There goes my readership. But I have to be honest. This is me. Silly fickle me.
I’ve had so many years that I doubted my faith. I was “saved” when I was very young and didn’t really know there was anything else to believe. Then my whole world turned on it’s head when I left the church in my twenties. I didn’t want anything to do with any kind of organized religeon. I’d seen the evil that it (and myself) could do. The Da Vinci Code sent me for a loop. Could Jesus be married? Could the bible be re-written to suit the Catholics in power at the time? I still question everything. I’d say you are a liar or in extreme denial if you don’t.
But I’m coming around. It doesn’t all make logical sense in my head. I still worry that faith is part of my brain’s elaborate plan to fool me out of being afraid of death. But I’m letting go of that. I was raised to trust in Jesus to get me through. I was raised to read the bible for encouragement. Sure it’s sentimental because it reminds me of the safe harbor that was my youth but maybe I want that safe harbor for my kid too. And then there’s the part about prayer. I don’t understand it. It works. I’ve prayed my way through trial after trial and every time I am amazed that somebody up there, who has a million zillion other things to do, actually heard me.
So that is that. I’m sorry if I bored you to tears and you’ll never want to come here again. I’m sorry if I disappointed you because I’m not going to relay what I learned from reading Hebrews 10. I just felt like I had to say something because it happened. I went to a bible conference for three days and it was good for me. I’m not going to be walking door-to-door handing out tracts but I am going to examine why I’m so hesitant to be a Christian in this crazy world. It’s part of who I am. It’s how I want to raise my daughter… maybe I need to just own up and not be so afraid to be a fool in other’s eyes. Maybe I’ve been a fool for hiding it.
A funny thing though: Many of the people at the conference know that I blog. It’s sort of embarrassing but it keeps me on my toes thinking about all the different personalities that will read what I write. So it sort of amused me when I was picking up my free muffins for breakfast that a girl standing nearby whispered to her friend that she wondered how much of this conference would end up on blogspot.com. I don’t blog at blogspot.com and I wasn’t really going to blog about the conference at all. It’s part of my mixed-up private life that I don’t want to discuss with five hundred of my closest imaginary friends. But when she said that, I had to write something. If only just to smile and say, I heard you.
Also? Baby Bug enjoyed it thoroughly. I can’t say the same about her first experience with hot rollers though.
p.s. top photo taken by Bug
January 1st, 2009 at 7:17 am
aww. LOVE the new banner!!! (my boys are 6,4 and 2, ive commented randomly but read often. i too have religion in my life but not… yknow. i think that’s the new catholic defition though so you’re ‘fine’) i have a great BIBLE for kids, its in calendar order (everyday you read 1-2 pgs) and read better for kids. im restarting it today (as i forgot and got too far beind last mar/apr some where) but wanted to recommend it/the idea for you & Bug someday in a few yrs). Happy NY!
January 1st, 2009 at 7:29 am
Well this part of your readership is neither sighing and rolling her eyes NOR leaving because you’re a religious lunatic. =)
I completely understand. And wow, that is a fancy hotel. I totally passed notes in code back and forth with a cool dad during the meetings one year. I was surprised my parents didn’t stop us (an adult joining me in crime!) but I think they were just happy I was occupied. =)
January 1st, 2009 at 7:45 am
I will continue to read your blog . . . I’m a Christian too and we have nothing to hide!!
January 1st, 2009 at 7:46 am
I LOVE the new banner!!
January 1st, 2009 at 8:07 am
1. LOVE the new banner, as usual.
2. The Bible SAYS to question (test) everything in I Thessalonians 5:21!
3. I think it IS okay to blog without mentioning Jesus every time. And it’s okay to mention Him occasionally. It’s for the same reason that I’m not a fan of Jesus t-shirts. People should be able to tell by our life, not our t-shirts/words that we have faith.
4. Happy New Year dear Brenda!
January 1st, 2009 at 8:11 am
Wishing you and your family a blessed new year.
January 1st, 2009 at 8:29 am
Happy New Year! Try a blog called “Bring the Rain”, Brenda. The author is such a wonderful teacher and amazing Christian woman. I really think you would like it!
January 1st, 2009 at 8:40 am
Well I’m an atheist and I’ll still keep reading! And it’s your blog, write what you like. I think it’s refreshing to read about people who are thinking about their faith and working out what it means to them rather than someone who is dead certain and wants to convert us all (I don’t read blogs like that though, except my cousins because I’m related to them and am nosy!). As long as there’s craft and Bug here I’ll stick around. Happy new year!
January 1st, 2009 at 8:48 am
You are totally brave! Let your light so shine.
I’m just sorry I wasn’t there to see you at the conference. Laura and Heidi mentioned to me that you were there.
Love the pic of Bug in her tights and hat. It must have been warm this year.
By the way, we all passed notes.
January 1st, 2009 at 8:57 am
I absolutely LOVE the banner! Dare I say… it’s your best one yet.
I was raised Catholic, went my own way after a while, and came back to the faith after Makenna was born. I questioned everything. But once Makenna was born, it was clear to me that there is something far beyond us that creates lovely miracles.
I understand exactly what you’re saying.
January 1st, 2009 at 9:05 am
You know one of the reasons I love your blog is that I recognise myself in your struggles. I hope that doesn’t sound twisted. It’s a compliment. You touch on things I feel I really can’t talk about to the people in my daily life. So maybe I should make some new friends?
January 1st, 2009 at 9:16 am
What kind of world is this where we feel we have to apologize for having faith or spirituality? You are so cool B and I am glad you had a good experience and shared it with us. I think you are so brave for sharing so much of your life for all the world to see. I think it’s so awesome that you have an online picture journal of all the wonderful time you got to spend with your daughter. I have said it before and I will say it again and again.. you so ROCK ;)
January 1st, 2009 at 9:24 am
love all yr work gal. AND why would you ever think yr readers would judge you? I won’t. I love God and I love you and let’s all be creative. No- honestly- I come here for you and all of you! happy new year! xo
January 1st, 2009 at 9:29 am
I felt like I reading about my upbringing- I was “saved” at the age of 10 and in my 20′s have had my struggles with religion. I still question and am still searching. Thank you for your honesty. I, too have an almost 3 year old who is exciting and a struggle too. BTW- thank you for sharing the snow globe soap! I was able to whip some up and give out as gifts. Thank you, Thank you for all that you share.
January 1st, 2009 at 9:31 am
I’ve struggeled with the same thing. On top of that, I feel like my spiritual life is somehow very private and thus off-blog-limits.
January 1st, 2009 at 9:41 am
I totally understand your hesitation, I am an atheist (that will keep reading) and have gone back and forth on whether to talk about my views or not. Its your blog, talk about what makes you feel good, what message you want to send and what you want to remember.. We love your writing for who you are!
January 1st, 2009 at 10:00 am
keep on doing what you do sunshine you have written a very hard blog and i am proud of you
January 1st, 2009 at 10:18 am
Hi SAJ…I’ve been a reader for a long time, but never really comment. I wanted to comment to say I adore you even more now! Don’t be afraid to show who you are, and what you believe. That’s a piece of advice I need to take myself :)
January 1st, 2009 at 10:31 am
We all secretly know you are a Christian (at least those of us who have been reading you for a while) and you know what we still come back day after day. I too am a secret Christian (secret being I don’t blog a lot about it) as I feel there is a time and place for everything.
Two sayings stuck in my head while reading your post. One is “Faith is believing in what you cannot see”. And the other is “They will know we are Christian’s by our Love.” You don’t have to shout it from the mountains for others to know, your Love shines through.
Your new banner ROCKS by the way. I look forward to Bug’s birthday this year so I can start planning (way in advance) for Apple’s second birthday. Wish I could be a fly on the wall at the party, it would so be a highlight for 2009.
January 1st, 2009 at 10:57 am
SAJ, love you, love your blog :)
January 1st, 2009 at 11:05 am
LOL – oh honey we love you because you are you – not what you believe or where you are at with it all. Faith is a tough thing to imagine and wait til you try and explain it to LB Ü but ya know it is an amazing part of my life and I couldn’t do without it!!
Love the banner!
January 1st, 2009 at 11:09 am
I love that you wrote this, because I’ve been grappling with very similar issues lately. I grew up Christian, was saved at a young age, but essentially stopped going to church when I headed to college. I’m thinking that I should start going back soon…
And you totally shouldn’t have to hide who you are; it’s not like you’re forcing your beliefs upon your readers.
Love the Bug Birthday Banner!
January 1st, 2009 at 11:45 am
Very brave of you to post this, and I know it is intimidating to “put yourself out there” as a Christian. Anyway, your words reminded me of the chorus of an old Michael Card song I was raised on, called “God’s Own Fool”:
When we in our foolishness thought we were wise
He played the fool and He opened our eyes
When we in our weakness believed we were strong
He became helpless to show we were wrong
So we follow God’s own Fool
For only the foolish can tell
Believe the unbelievable
Come be a fool as well
January 1st, 2009 at 12:29 pm
The best kind of faith is the one that isn’t a badge to be polished for others but one that is genuinely lived out. That kind doesn’t require daily advertisement in public forums like blogs, but is one that will creep into the writing as it is merited and no one can think ill of that… it’s an expression of you and we love what you write already having a faith element takes nothing away from that! It makes the reading, and the life we’re reading about, richer. I say, bring it on!
January 1st, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I love that you wrote it. It’s exactly how I feel and I’m still working on coming to terms with it. I think it’s the new life I’m responsible for that’s making me question my questions. Faith, what a mystery.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I like what everyone has had to say, but especially Deeleea.
We all wear our religion like a badge sometimes, and when we pin it on to show others (expressing our faith) we try to make sure it is all shiny (happy), but you know what, if anyone really looked at our badge they’d see that it’s a little tarnished at the edges.
We all have doubts in our faith. We doubt if it’s true, if we should tell others, if we should keep it to ourselves. We wonder when/where is the right time/place/way to talk about it. We wonder if we should even bother.
If we spent all day everyday looking for the right time/place/way we’d never find it. It peeks out when we need it to, and like the song says, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” Sometimes it might only be a dim glow, but it’s still shining.
You’re doing the right thing with Bug. I know this because we struggle with the same things. She believes and it’s obvious. Her faith in you and Toby is all the proof you need.
Ok, I’m done.
Maybe I should have put this in a an email instead of a comment.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Oh, and at least they know why you are taking photos of yourself in the dinnerware. :)
January 1st, 2009 at 2:16 pm
People like to discuss religion. They just hate preaching.
January 1st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Brenda I really enjoyed your blog about the Bible conference. Sorry I didn’t even see you at the conference to even say “Hello” to you and Bug. We went home after the first day ’cause I was ill and sleeping alot in the room. Well, I have ta say you are soooo creative and blessed my lady!
January 1st, 2009 at 2:31 pm
As one that actively wears her religion on her sleeve very proudly, I say who cares what anyone else thinks? If you want to increase your spirituality, if you want to attend a bible conference, if you want to teach Bug about religion, then go for it. There are a HUGE contingent of Christian bloggers out there, and you might get comfort from reading them and maybe meeting them. You don’t have to look hard to find them. Momdot.com, rocksinmydryer.org should get you started. Interesting coming from a nice Jewish girl, huh? :-)
We all question our spirituality. How can we not, when the world continues to fight religious wars even to this day. It’s a part of life.
If you don’t feel like returning to the church of your childhood, especially for bug, there is SO much out there that you’re destined to find a home church perfect for your little family. So I say go for it, and do it with gusto!
Love the banner. I want to go to a green puppet show, too!
January 1st, 2009 at 2:39 pm
I love the banner so much. Very fun and festive!
I’m still struggling with the whole religion thing. I wish I could be comfortable with a decision but I’m not yet. I’ve even witnessed miracles, but I can’t commit. It makes me a little sad that I’m in this place, but I am.
I’m glad that you have found comfort in religion. Of course there will be the questions, I guess that is what makes faith.
I didn’t think there would be any problems with “outing” yourself. I think it’s a bit narrow minded to make a snap judgment based on somebody’s faith, or lack of.
The last Bug picture is so cute. I don’t like hot curlers either :P
January 1st, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Felt like I HAD to comment on this one:
1. Great new banner. Darling!
2. As BeachMama said, those of us who have been reading for a while already knew. This is YOUR space, for what you are feeling and living at any given time. I love that you are now feeling free to write about ALL of who you are (well, within blog-reason). And your readers will love it too, we’re not only here for the pictures. ;)
Happy New Year, I am smiling at the thought of what this post means to you!
January 1st, 2009 at 3:49 pm
I’m so glad you shared this because it makes you seem more human. It’s a dimension that I didn’t expect from you. Sounds like it must have been an awesome Bible conference. :o)
January 1st, 2009 at 4:30 pm
i’m proud of you for sharing your beliefs even though you were nervous to… i’m a christian, too, and can be a bit timid about it… i will certainly continue reading regardless of what you do or don’t believe! :)
January 1st, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I love the new banner. I just love green and I love how you incorporated the month and year into it. Awesome job. Have you visited my blog recently? I found a background that matches one of the banners you made me and I’m learning HTML which is scary. Thanks once again!
I can’t believe you went to conference on the year I had to stay home!!! I am so glad you got to go, I wish I could have! I think this year there would definitely have been a little more between us than a “hello you have a cute baby” during a shared elevator ride. I would have loved to sit down and talk. The Mr. and I have went every second year since we were married and this year was our year to stay home. We plan to go next year, but that probably means you don’t as it will most likely be your year to spend the holidays with Toby’s relatives?
Anyways, I’m glad you went and I am also proud of you for sharing it here. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss that photo of Bug in the hat and tights. Priceless.
January 1st, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Like someone else said, it is your blog, blog what you want and if they don’t like it they don’t have to read it. That new banner is the cutest thing ever! You are so talented, Brenda. Happy New Year to you and your sweet little family.
January 1st, 2009 at 5:03 pm
it’s all been said better than i can, thanks for sharing yourself despite the fears. need i say i’m with you??! afraid to step out and say what i think most of the time for fear of being disliked, judged, looked at funny, you name it. the banner rocks. the tights rock. that hotel?? sheesh what a conference! you prolly saw my folks there this year. i went to chi-town the weekend they had their conference this year but didn’t go and it felt realllly weird. i could have but was afraid to for many reasons. happy new year to you, and i hope it’s a rich and freeing one for you!
January 1st, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Srsly…not your Mommy but am very proud of you as well.
Personally I even go so far as to not talk religion to hardly anybody. Mainly because so many people seem to want to question how I feel or see things and explaining how I feel angers me when it is approached in such a manner. Like they want to ask me ” how stupid are you for thinking that way?”
I dunno.
January 1st, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I was wondering where you were when I was looking at your flickr stream. And as Beachmama said, long time readers do know. :) I’m not scared away.
And I love the new banner. I’m thinking about making a new one for the new year but sheesh it took me a while to make my current one so I might just keep it up for longer.
January 1st, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I’m still here! Love your new banner and the last photo of Bug with the rollers is so cute!!!
January 1st, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I love reading your blog, but have to apologize because I’m not sure I’ve ever even shown you any comment love! I just wanted you to know that this post really hit home for me, especially when you said “…I am going to examine why I’m so hesitant to be a Christian in this crazy world. It’s part of who I am. “. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve wondered that myself. Sometimes I feel like a major coward, I would love to be able say “Yep, I’m a Christian, so what? I’m not some whack job who’s gonna try to save you by hitting you over the head with my bible.” I swear I feel like I’m in some “christian closet” or something! Then I wonder if it’s just me not giving other’s enough credit or whether it’s a sign of weakness in my own faith that I can’t just bring myself to just say it. I guess there’s alot of us grappling with these same feelings, thank you for being brave enough to express it! I know it’s not easy but I appreciate you reminding me that I’m not the only one who struggles with this stuff. On a lighter note, I can’t wait to read about Bug’s bday party! I’m excited for both of you girls!
January 1st, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Give us heathens a little credit :) You don’t need to apologize for anything!
January 1st, 2009 at 10:53 pm
I totally nodded through Beach Mama’s comment! I don’t proclaim my Christianity on my blog, but I think that’s mostly because I don’t feel like I’m a “good Christian”, whatever that means, and I feel like if people read an entry where I’m showing envy, or anger or some other unpleasant emotion, they’ll feel let down or disappointed in me, which is silly because Christian or not, I’m still human, and God still loves me.
Anyway, thank you for keeping it real, as always. And Beach Mama is right that your love shines through 100%.
I love Bug’s striped tights! What a stylin’ girl!
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:35 am
Count me in as another faithful/faith-less reader! I was raised without religion (actually, if I’m honest, as a Scientologist. If you think it’s tough admitting your Christian, imagine admitting that!), but find myself drawn to the comfort that my Christian friends find in the bible and their relationship with Jesus.
I love the picture of Bug in the tights and hat. She’s so adorable!
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:48 am
I feel like I could have written this myself. I, too am wary about blogging about being a Christian. I guess I always feel like I’m not a very good one. I know that’s silly and TOTALLY not what its all about but I think its my own guilt or something. I dunno. I was “saved” as an adolescent and then “turned my back” and then came back im my twenties too. I met my husband BEFORE coming back and now long story short I am in an unequally yoked relationship (happily married, btw) and I am afraid of talking too much about it and putting myself out there and being judged. I guess its really personal and nobody’s beeswax sometimes. EXCEPT I JUST PUT ALL OF IT HERE IN YOUR COMMENT BOX. HA HA. So much for private. But seriously, I really appreciate your honesty. Maybe someday I’ll feel comfortable enough or ready enough to just blog about my own faith walk.
Thanks so much for sharing!
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:16 am
SAJ, this is YOUR blog! You shouldn’t have to feel sheepish about what you choose to write here. Moreover, no one should EVER have to apologize for religious beliefs. EVER. This country was founded on the notion that we all should be free to worship (or not) in our own ways.
Regardless, I would venture to say that we regular readers 1) are already aware of your spiritual journey (even if we are not privy to the details) and 2) continue to return because we enjoy your blog. The way this works is you blog what feels right to you. Have I mentioned this is YOUR blog?
As human beings, we are constantly evolving. It makes sense to me that your blog should evolve with you. Congratulations on being brave enough to be true to yourself.
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:33 am
Honey, be who you are.
I would read about what you learned and what spoke to you during your conference – or your personal studies… but I also realize that they are personal.
Write what wants to be written, without fear.
The internet can be a wonderfully accepting place when you ignore the trolls.
January 2nd, 2009 at 8:00 am
I’m not going anywhere! x
January 2nd, 2009 at 8:56 am
Great! What more can I say? Great post, great pics (I especially like the lighting in the hotel room pillows picture), great topic, great new banner. The total package rocks. Great job Brenda!
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:13 am
I think this is refreshing. You are brave and I think wise for sharing your faith with us. I’m proud of you!
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Just wanted to add that trying to know who and what God is all about has given me many things, but never comfort. Challenge, mind-expanding, uncomfortable, synapse-stretching growth, but never comfort. Not even once.
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Haha–good for you for letting the whisperers know they were heard : ) I think all of us who have been to conference want to let someone know we overheard their whispered comment at one time or another. Also, classic hot roller photo. I still have trouble sleeping in conference motel rooms because I dream my head is covered in pink foam rollers I was tortured with as a child. My daughter has curly hair and will spend her conference mornings straightening her hair someday. We all let our light shine in our own time, don’t we?
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
I started teaching Sunday School last school year. I am glad to be “re-finding” religion. I still have questions and some of my ideas are different from the teaching of my church, but I love the insight I get from my preteens and my church. Thanks for sharing this.
And, oh my goodness, how cute is your kid. I think I made that same face the first time I used hot rollers, and I was in college.
January 3rd, 2009 at 6:55 am
I think it’s great that you are working through your faith. I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed about – you’re right, being a Christian is a part of how you are.
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Amen and thank you. It’s a sad world when we feel like we have to apologize for our beliefs when there is so much other crazy stuff going on.,
January 3rd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Wow, I adore you more after reading this post. Happy New Year and I love the banner.
January 3rd, 2009 at 8:23 pm
I also am a Christian who struggles with her faith and falls short of grace more often than not. I question and ponder but always come back to the fact that I believe…and that’s enough proof for me.
Thanks for sharing and touching others with your story.
January 3rd, 2009 at 10:08 pm
I’ve often been encouraged, when it comes to only ‘getting 10%’ of a meeting because of my own little circus, with the thought that it’s 10% more than what I had beforehand. Even getting a little bit out of the meetings/ministry/bible reading is better than not getting anything at all because I didn’t even try.
Anyway, it was good to see you at Conference, even if we didn’t really get a chance to do more than say ‘hi’ in passing.
January 3rd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Oops! that last comment was me.
January 4th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
LOVE LOVE LOVE the new banner! Just curious … what Bible conference did you go to?
January 4th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
I was at that conference last year and I really enjoyed my time there…even if I am from the “other side.” haha.
January 5th, 2009 at 8:04 am
I will be a reading your blog, maybe even more now. I am a Christian too and I am glad to know you love Jesus. :) This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!
Love the hot rolls picture. Did you take a curly hair pic afterwards?
January 5th, 2009 at 10:26 am
happy new year Brenda.
i for one, “love you just the way you are”…
be true to yourself,heart,mind and soul.
January 5th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
What a beautiful post. I feel the same way about my faith, and it is such a personal thing. The beauty of being a Christian is that you can express your faith however you feel most comfortable. I admire those who can openly talk about it, but I just prefer to keep mine private.
I’ll definitely continue to read.
January 12th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I just found your blog, and instead of scaring me away, posts like this just draw me in more! I love it! Your blog here is great! Thank you! (I just wrote four sentences all ending in ‘!’, you probably think I’m crazy.)
January 17th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Thank you for this blog. I just found your site and this blog was really encouraging. I appreciate you having the courage to write about things that you may be struggling with.