Comments on: a beautiful book

By: Sam

Sam — Mon, 12 May 2008 22:07:24 +0000

Hopefully just getting this off of your chest and putting words to it will help you breathe easier. It’s so hard not to worry, and I think you are wise in learning more about this, trying to understand it, and then being honest and upfront with Baby Bug as she gets older. I know my mom feared – and maybe still – for us but was always very open about my grandfather’s addiction and how we were also at risk. That has always stayed with me.

I’d also like to chime in and recommend Raising Ophelia – I read it back when I was 18 and it helped me understand myself so much better. I know it would be invaluable, with all the little girls in your life!

By: C

Sun, 11 May 2008 17:12:03 +0000

Baby Bug has you, she has Toby… she has a family who loves her and is vigilant. I think what you say about having open, honest conversations about drugs and alcohol is very important. Sometimes, it’s just so much easier to not talk about hard subjects. You sound like a great mom – Happy Mother’s Day!

By: Ellen

Ellen — Sun, 11 May 2008 15:12:33 +0000

Amen.

Addiction sucks. For everyone even remotely involved.

By: chris

chris — Sun, 11 May 2008 04:20:13 +0000

Both of my parents were alcoholics (with a family tree littered with them). I am not. And as far as I know, my sister wasn’t either. It is possible.

I haven’t read this book, but will have to add it to my list. I am curious about the interview on NPR too.

By: amy

amy — Sun, 11 May 2008 02:26:07 +0000

I will have to read. Sounds fascinating.

I understand your fears for Baby Bug. My family history is heavy on the depressive side as is my husbands. I seriously debated marrying him for this reason. But I did.

My kids have a far greater chance of becoming depressive as adults. But I live with this knowing they have two very supportive parents who are very attuned to the symptoms and willing to help them seek the proper help.

Try not to worry about BB. She has you and Toby to steer her in the right direction.

By: BeachMama

BeachMama — Sat, 10 May 2008 23:40:06 +0000

I am so glad to hear that I am not alone in the worrying Mom field. I too have never done drugs and don’t even drink a lot because I fear the addict. I don’t even know why I fear it I just do. I do know I never wanted to be the falling down drunk that my Sister and her friends were and I didn’t want anyone cleaning up my puke (like I did for her and her friends). So that is what kept me away from booze for many years. Then years later when I slung beer for a living, I served a few too many people that all they lived for was their 5pm beer. I knew right there I would never let myself be like that. So now the question, how do I keep my kids away from the drugs and the booze like their Mom?? I haven’t figured that one out yet, but I hope to one day. BB has both you and Toby and you both seemed to turn out pretty great, so I think you both have the right foundation to work from.

By: amy

amy — Sat, 10 May 2008 19:31:22 +0000

My husband and his father and his father’s father are/were all alcoholics. While my husband and his dad have both been sober for decades now, their experiences before AA scare the heck out of me. At the same time, they’ve been able to learn compassion and empathy for others through their recovery experiences, and my husband is truly my hero and a role model I’m so glad our kids have in their lives.

I’ve come to look at it like this: everyone has something they are working on. My kids may have predispositions to addictive behavior. It’s a disease, (and oh my gosh is it–the very things that make him so good at his job and other pursuits come out of that single-minded obsessive tendency) but it’s a disease that we can at least be looking out for symptoms of–something my husband and his family members DIDN’T have. So maybe the downward spiral for the next generation can be stopped earlier. Maybe not. There’s a lot we don’t control. I try to prepare for the worst while expecting the best on my good days! Baby Bug has two wonderful parents. That’s a BIG plus.

By: eleanor

eleanor — Sat, 10 May 2008 17:20:23 +0000

Listen to father and son on NPRs Fresh Air interview. It is great.

By: Gingermog

Gingermog — Sat, 10 May 2008 16:38:01 +0000

Powerful post, as I’m not a parent it makes me realise how you never stop worrying
about your children and how your fear for a time when their not under your protection. Addiction to different levels runs in both my family and my husband’s. I always think that any child of mine would be like me, with my values somehow instilled, but who knows?. I don’t think I really understand addiction either, as I always think you have a choice to act in a certain way, but perhaps you don’t.
Growing up I always knew I was loved, and the good things were expected from me which I think has helped me through a lot of difficult times as I had to be responsible for myself quite young due to illness in my family. I think with a mom like you Bug with grow up feeling loved.

By: Julie

Julie — Sat, 10 May 2008 15:35:42 +0000

Thank you so much for talking about this. I too have a close relative who is a alcoholic and it helps to know I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing this book with us.