Baby Bug is a vicious dictator of the crayons. She rules her subject (me) with an iron fist. No one can question the authority of the Crayon Dictator. She tells me when I’m going to color, where I’m going to color and what color I’m going to color with. She even tells me which end of the crayon I can use. No wrong-end coloring is going on during her watch. Nosireebob.

“Dit down, Mommy,” she commands.
“Orange!” she says, handing me the orange crayon.
“Pumpkin!” she says, hovering over me with the next crayon in hand.

I’m usually happy to oblige. I like coloring. I can think of way worse ways to spend my time. Like listening to Barney sing for example. So I sit there at her little IKEA table and happily color an orange pumpkin. Just when I get the outline done and have started shading in the sections, she takes the orange crayon out of my hand and hands me magenta.

“Pink, Mommy. Cur pink!”

Alrighty then. We now have an orange-outlined pumpkin with pink sides. I can roll with that. I’m creative. So I ask her for the green crayon because my bright pink pumpkin needs a bright green curly stem. Noooooooo, I can’t color with green because she is coloring with green. Of course! “GoooReeeen” is for Baby Bug. All the time with the green.

Until suddenly we have no green crayons left because she has taken them all over the house with her and lost them. I have found green crayons in my shoes. I have found green crayons in my car, melting on my leather seats. My little dictator has a thing for green crayons. I think I’m going to have to order those boxes of crayons that only come in one color (in green).

I get stuck coloring a lot. I mean a lot, a lot. Like all day long, a lot. And since I’m bored out of my skull ever the entrepreneur, I thought up a get-rich-slow plan. I do that when I’m stuck somewhere…. I decided that Baby Bug and I could make wrapping paper and sell it in my Etsy shop. I’ve been hatching this plan for months.

I know this idea is not really going to sell well for anybody who has kids who can color wrapping paper for them but it might be a fun gimmick. Who knows. It’s fun to wrap presents in silly colored-on sheets of paper. They’re colorful and unique. It’s sort of eco-friendly too. We were going to color anyway, so this way the many many sheets of paper are being reused instead of littering up my refrigerator or being smashed into the trash can.

I’d only charge a buck or two and I’d design some really neat packaging for the sheets of wrapping paper to go in. I was supposed to be working on the packaging design and have some samples up in my shop before I posted this but I don’t. (update: this was completed during today’s nap.)

Why? Because I was coloring pumpkins and pink kitties and doggies and bugs. And also because Baby Bug only takes one nap a day and it is never long enough for me to get all my projects done. So instead I will just share the joy of coloring with the dictator. As you can see, I do rebel and get my own designs in here and there.

I always wanted to be a textile designer.

And…. We’re live!

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In other news: Guess who’s actually blogging? She took a lot of convincing, believe me. I’ve been nagging her for months. Well, she has finally crossed over to the dark side. Please go say hello but whatever you do, do not give her your instant message screen name. She is trouble.

Forrest has a home! Possibly two. I will keep you posted with details as soon as it gets sorted out. Joey is still looking for a home.

Hi! Welcome to Pets-Are-Us! Your one-stop blog for all your sad sorry cat adoption needs! Oh. You’re not here to adopt a cat? I’m sorry. That’s all we’re offering here these days. I know. I hate it too but you know how family can be. They think your blog is their own personal kiosk to get rid of things.

Just kidding! I love my family and I love their cats and I really do want to see these cats find good homes. We’ll get back to our regular programming soon enough.

Forrest doesn’t have a home yet but at least we have put the mercy-killer (hi, Dad) at bay for a while. I think we have some contacts that might be able to help us find an appropriate home for him. If there is still anybody interested, please contact me. We can deliver! My Dad will be going back on the road in a few weeks and he would be happy to deliver a cat to you anywhere in the United States.

Talk about service! You get a cat and a visit from the famous Tom the Trucker. You’ll probably want to adopt my dad more than the cat, even if he has a heart of stone when it comes to poor homeless kitties.

There is one more cat up for adoption. Joey. Poor poor Joey. I don’t usually talk about this because it is dirty laundry on my family but Toby has given me permission.

Joey is another by-product of my alcoholic mother-in-law. Remember Maddy, the puking cat? Maddy was her cat too. My mother-in-law is a very sweet lady who loves cats but she is also an alcoholic who goes on six-month binges and lets everyone around her suffer, including her family and her pets.

She has left behind a long trail of neglected pets, including one dead hamster. When I say neglect, I don’t mean lacking affection. I mean locked in her trashed apartment eating maggots and drinking toilet water while she is in the hospital and or rehab. It still bothers Toby to this day that he didn’t rescue the hamster. The hamster died of starvation, a slow painful death.

We have rescued so many animals from her. There was the bunny and Maddy and Joey… it’s getting to be a bit much. We can’t keep doing this. My mother-in-law should not be allowed to have any more pets. But of course when she is sober she pleads that having an animal is the best way for her to keep her spirits up. And she’s probably right but unfortunately she never stays sober. Never.

Anyway, we rescued Joey about a year ago. We thought he was a kitten and my Mom loves Siamese kittens so she was more than happy to give him a home. It turns out Joey is NOT a kitten. He’s just on the small side. My mom took him to the vet to get him fixed and the vet informed her that he is two years old. A little old to be getting fixed. I don’t know if this compounds the too-many-male-cats problem or not but it could. Joey needs a home where he is the only cat.

He’s a beautiful cat. He’s also Siamese which means he yowls and he’s klutzy. He likes to climb up on shelves and knocks things off. He’s forever getting into my mom’s linen closet and sending down avalanches of towels and sheets. I’m sure in a tidier house he would be controllable but at Camp Chaotic he has only added to the chaos.

I really do hope Joey finds a home. If you’re in the market for a slightly spazzy but adorable Siamese, email me!