Hmmm… what to report for 28 weeks. Well, she’s moving a lot. You know how a lot of mom’s swear their kid is going to be a soccer player because they kick so much. I think my kid is going to be an interior decorator because her movements are big and sweeping. They are not quick and athletic. I think she’s moving furniture in there. I should have illustrated her moving my stomach around or switching places with my spleen and my intestines instead of furniture but it feels like furniture. I think she’s saying, “hmmm… it would look so much roomier in here if we moved mom’s gall bladder over there. And those intestines, they need to be boxed and stored. Can I get some rubbermaid dividers puleeze?!! We need some proper feng shui in here people!” Scrape, scoot, scrape, scoot scoot…

Things are not so bad though. In spite of the shocking movements now and then, I’m not in any major pain. The only pain that really bothers me is when I’m trying to sleep. I don’t know what my hips are doing but I think they are slowly dislocating. I feel like an old German Shepherd. When I sleep, I feel like they are just going to pop right out of their joints. No position, except on my back which is forbidden because they say it puts pressure on a major artery supplying blood to the baby, relieves the pain. Every night I have a battle with myself. Relieve the pain and starve my baby of blood or sleep on my side and bite my tongue off because it hurts so bad. I really hope I’m not starving my baby of blood but I have to give in once in a while. I don’t think I lay on my back more than 20 minutes a night but I really have no idea. It’s just crazy making. No amount of pillows between my legs seems to make a difference. I think I am just deformed.

I’ve always had trouble with my hips. I wish I had an xray of them because I swear they are not like other people’s. I remember doing yoga (long before I was pregnant) and not being able to do some poses just because if I did, I would crumple and fall to the floor. I really wonder what is going on in there now. Sometimes when I get up I hear strange popping sounds. I know my ligaments are getting softer to make room for baby but I really wish I could see what is really happening. I’m worried that I’m going to expand and expand and expand and I’ll never fit my old jeans again. I was already pretty hippy as it is.

You know the irony of having good “breeder hips”. They don’t always necessarily mean you are a good “breeder”. I bet Toby’s thinking he got a bad deal when he picked me to be the mother of his kids. From looking at me, you’d think I could pop out kids like a factory. But I have an Aunt who is twice as hippy as me and she had to have FOUR cesarians. Why? Because her birth canal was too narrow. So big hips aren’t always good for having kids. And now that it looks like I have a fibroid tumor in the way of having a baby, I’ll probably have to have a cesarian also. These hips are good for nothing. Except keeping my pants up. But I’d trade them for a good belt any day.

I seem to have a weakness for little baby shoes. I love anything in miniature and when it comes in chocolate brown and cotton candy pink, I’m a goner. These are so adorable! I would have bought them in my size if they had them. As it is they are a size 4, which should fit my little bug when she is about a year old (if she takes after me and has very small feet). So much time to wait! Maybe in the meantime I’ll put them on a small shelf for decoration. Or maybe Pounce could wear them.

The beach has been socked in under a layer of depressing fog lately so I decided to head out to my mom’s for something fun to do. There is nothing like a couple of rambunctious nieces to knock the duldrums right out of you.

We decided it would be extra fun to head up the hill to Oak Glen where it was beautiful and sunny and everything looks like fall. It’s only about a half an hour from my mom’s in Hemet. A lot closer than I realized. I hadn’t been there since I was a kid and wow, was I in for a shock. What I remember as a small apple farm has now turned into a whole town of small amusement parks. It’s still charming but I would definitely say skip going on the weekend. There were way way WAY TOO MANY people.

It was a little more swap meet, sell your imported goods on the side of the road and a little less homemade apple pie and pick your own pumpkins than I would like. I could definitely do without the swap meet. I’d rather go to TJ if I want a blanket with a snow leopard on it…but what can I say? Tourists will be tourists and somebody has to sell that crap.

It was still really fun. We ate apple pie (that was actually kind of mealy and not very tasty) with delicious vanilla ice cream. We listened to a little band of banjo players and browsed through shops filled with apple butter and quilted toaster covers. The kids got to ride a gasoline fueled train around a petting zoo. I talked Rapunzel out of riding on the pony ride that was really just too sad to support. I just won’t pay money to people who make their poor sad ponies walk around in a depressing sad circle all day. I know, this is fun for kids… but it was four bucks and the circle was really really small. Thankfully, Rapunzel completely agreed with me and decided that a pony that could run free would be much more fun.

My mom and I bought some apples and some apple cider. My sister-in-law got two pumpkins, with fantastic curly stems, for her girls to carve for Halloween. (I do love curly stems.) Rapunzel got herself a big fat carmel apple with peanut butter M&M’s stuck to the outside of it (much to the disappointment of her sister who is allergic to peanuts but she got over that since she loves apples and ate about 20. Can you say diaper rash?) and my brother well, he got to carry everything. That’s what brothers are for.

I’m glad we went. I do think I’ll go again. I’ll just go on a Tuesday when it’s not so crazy.