You guys! This is going to be hard. How can I possibly link everyone I met? I loved everyone and I have the memory skills of a gnat! Ack! Here I go. I’ll just ramble through this one so please ignore all the sentences starting with the words “so” and “and.” Grammar will be out the window.

As you know, Thursday night CC and I got all dolled up and headed off to Guy Kawasaki’s Kirtsy/Alltop party in his backyard. Unlike everyone else, we were coming from my friend Susan’s house in Redwood City and not from the hotel. This sort of complicated things. Of course.

I was convinced that I was on the D-list because they (as in Laura Mayes and the Kirtsy bunch) said they were going to email me directions but I never got them. I kept checking and checking my email like a paranoid freak. I didn’t want to email any of my buddies that were going because then they would KNOW I was on the D-list and would feel compelled to give me the secret directions because they felt bad for me. Oh woe is me. CC and Susan kept telling me I was being a freak but there is no way to stop being a freak when you already a freak through and through, right?

So anyway, we got directions from Guy himself (I direct-twittered him! I’m so brave.) and then about five minutes later we got directions from Laura too. All that drama was in my head. Duh. Everyone wonders why blogher is so high-school. It’s because there is a bunch of people there like me, looking for the least little slight to knock down my fragile house of cards.

Whatever. I didn’t mean to get deep there.

We drove to the party. We drove too far. I was wondering what was up when we kept passing XXX Girls signs and naughty bookstores but apparently that has nothing to do with anything because even though Mr. Kawasaki lives in the ritzy part of town, they have XXX stores all up and down El Camino Real no matter where you live on it. I guess my instincts are not so sharp after all but I did have a feeling we were lost. Thankfully we were only lost by one train stop on the train track route that Guy lives on.

After a few frantic phone calls to my mom and her re-reading my emailed directions, we finally got to the party in plenty of time. We wandered through the big gate into the back yard. There weren’t very many people there yet so I felt a bit conspicuous and shy. It was pretty though, with a pool and red lanterns strung from the palm trees. I could have stayed there a while even if I met no one I knew at all.

Which of course did not happen because right away familiar faces like Greeblemonkey and Amy from Doobleh-Vay popped up. Then I found Rachel aka Shenuts aka Sarcastic Journalist from The Simple Family and Jess from drowning in kids and Mrs. Flinger! We had a nice little chat on a poolside bench.

Mrs. Flinger was handing out condoms as business cards but I told her I didn’t need one since I am trying to get pregnant. BUT we did discuss how she can help me with a flash gallery for my much-anticipated but still-nonexistent website redesign that I’m supposedly doing in August. I’m going to hold you to that Mrs. Flinger!

THEN, I spotted Melissa from Suburban Bliss and many of you know that she linked me way back in the day and put this site on the World Wide Web map. Just think, you would probably not be reading this if it weren’t for her. I was very excited to meet her and thank her.

In my excitement though, I sort of attacked her and everyone knows she hates being attacked. Did I hug her? I hope I didn’t. But I may have. I don’t remember. I stumbled through my prepared “hello” speech and it was kind of bad. I really started to think that things would be so much better if I were just chatting with her in the dentist’s waiting room or something. I felt this way with a lot of people. Like we would be best of friends but you can’t make it happen in two minutes or less no matter how much you adore the other person.

So anyway, I’m not saying that she didn’t love me back. I know she does. She buys things from my etsy shop and writes about me in her Alpha Mom column. I’m just saying that it was really weird and cool and strange and awkward to meet in person the people that you have admired from afar for so long. You know what I mean? I’m sure you are reading this same sentiment everywhere by now and probably sick of it.

Moving on! Next I met Rachel from Single Mom Seeking and we had a lot to talk about since she was my opponent when I wrote one side of a Work It, Mom! Devil’s Advocate debate. All I can say is that she is the nicest opponent I have ever met. I would debate her any day.

I met THE Sarah Brown from Que Sera Sera. I’ve admired her writing since the beginning of time, which I think is about when she started blogging. I need to thank her good friend Kate who is a reader of mine (THANK YOU KATE!!!) for sending her over to meet me because I would never have had the guts to approach her myself. Turns out she’s just a really nice girl like EVERYONE!!!! When will I ever learn?!!

Of course Heather B was there, who I already know and feel quite comfortable with, and my good ol’ buddy Whoorl. They were late though so they get no points for helping me fit in. You hear that guys?!! But it was fun to hang with them and chat with Susan Wagoner about how they have almost the same exact wardrobe. I’m thinking J.Crew should have been a sponsor or something, the way they represented.

I also met Angela from Fluid Pudding which brings me to a funny story that I might regret telling later. It seems there was some mischief in the air and you know me, I’m always down with a bit of stealthiness being a “spy” and all. How could I not?

Somebody dared Angela to sneak into Guy Kawasakai’s house and steal a butter knife. Or maybe it was Shenuts or Jess. In any case they were all up to no good and I was more than happy to go along for the ride with my gleaming spy eyes.

So there we are sneaking around in Guy’s very stylish kitchen when we encountered the well-coiffed and perfectly red-lipsticked Maggie Mason. How sad is it that I meet THE Maggie Mason while I am on a mission to commit a crime? Can you smell a bad first impression in the making? Boo me.

I’m not sure that any of us intended to actually steal a butter knife. It was more for the lark of it. If we had stolen anything, I’m sure we would have returned it after sending a few ransom notes or some other silly thing worth blogging about. But all that was stopped in its tracks when Maggie stood tall like an angel from heaven, beams of light shining from her head, and set us back on the path of righteousness with a few well-spoken words and a smile.

We quickly back-pedaled and assured Maggie that we were just kidding around. I’m not sure what happened after that. I think I slunk back into the crowd with my tail between my legs. I heard later that they did take some pictures of a butter knife so maybe there is more to that story somewhere else. But that was the end of the lark for me.

Who else did I meet there? Hmmm… There was the adorable Food Momiac and Rhi in Pink (whom CC was dying to meet) with her sidekick Carly from and so she blogs. I met Andrea from Super Hero Journal who is really nice and wears really groovy BIG red shoes. I finally got to meet Kristin from Better Now. I love her to the core.

I ended up having a really good conversation with Kristin the next day (She bought me a seventeen-dollar martini! Score!) in the hotel lobby. We talked about her son and dating and God and all kinds of things. I think we could have talked for hours. Of course she being so blonde and tall and drop-dead gorgeous, we got interrupted by some random mop-headed golfer guy trying to pick her up for a date. I’m sure that happens to her a lot. I found it somewhat humorous.

I also met Schmutzie and Leah Peah at that same table. I asked Leah all kinds of questions that most people don’t ask because they have better manners but she didn’t seem to mind at all. She’s another person I could have talked to for hours. Frankly, I think I could have talked to everyone until the end of time which is why my brain started giving out on me. Too much talking with no end in sight! You guys are all so interesting! Can’t anyone be boring for a change?!!

So I guess I am officially recapping day one of the conference with the only sense of order being the people that randomly pop into my head. We got to the conference late because of the whole planes-trains-and-automobile craziness that is the public-transportation system between Redwood City and San Francisco. It’s actually quite sophisticated compared to, say, Los Angeles, but we were newbies and completely clueless.

Somewhere along the way I had lunch with Leah from a girl and a boy (who is one of my most favorite internet-meet-real-life friends) and Kristin and some girl named Linda. I didn’t realize it until much later (like the next day) that Linda was All & Sundry who I read way back in the day and have always admired. Did you know she has a cool tribal tattoo on her arm? She does.

So anyway, here I was having lunch with all these laid-back, unassuming big shots, blabbing away and I had no clue they were big shots. Isn’t that nice when you meet someone and like them without knowing that they have this massive fan base? The same thing happened with Moosh and Chris Jordan from Notes from the Trenches. It really blew me away.

I don’t mean to be a braggart and say “Look at all the celebrities I collected while I was at blogher!” but it was hard not to fall into that. I almost felt like I was at Disneyland and I had to get a photo of myself with all the giant stuffed characters. Thankfully (or not, depending on how you look at it) I was so wrapped up in meeting people and talking so much that I did not break out my camera very much at all.

I did however meet Dooce. I really really wanted to meet her. She has been somewhat of a hero to me for a long time. I had hoped that we would run into each other via mutual friends (it’s possible we do have some mutual friends) and we could have a real conversation but it didn’t go that way at all. It was terrible. Not her but me. I was so nervous I lost every bit of wit I have. I was a shaking sniveling idiot. I wish I never even got up the guts to introduce myself in the first place.

Thankfully, I’m sure she will not remember me and I can go back to the oblivion where I belong. I’m not even going to link her because she says she follows up on every link to her site and I just don’t want to relive that embarrassment over again. However, I did meet one of her friends at the Mighty Haus Party and she told me that that happens to Dooce all the time and she totally understands. So I guess “phew!” is all I can say and maybe I’ll learn not to be so nervous next time.

But let me just say something really quick about Emily of Lucy’s Spleen who is Dooce’s friend (or at least I assume she is). Emily has a very cool, very large YELLOW BAG just like the one I daydreamed up to help me with my self-confidence issues. AND! Emily is very cool, just like her bag, because she let me talk to her about her bag for several minutes at the Haus Party.

The reason this is very cool is that I sort of lost my mojo at the Haus party. Yeah. That was me. Everyone else had tons of fun and danced the night away but I sat on the couch like a lump and didn’t talk to anyone except CC. Thank God CC was there. I would have joined the bathroom cryer’s club if she wasn’t. But I was tired, talked-out and totally lacking the get-up-and-go that I needed to make the evening the hit that it was. So anyway, a big thank you to Emily for saving my otherwise bust of a night (that also included the whole $80-taxi-ride debacle). Oh one other thing! I did draw on the dry-erase board. I was the first one. So I’m a little bit proud of that.

OH man. I’ve gotten ahead of myself again. I haven’t told you how I had lunch with Martinis for Milk and Papa and Amanda Wolfe from Goodyblog. They were a hoot. We also rode in a taxi together (paid for again by Ms. Kristin of the seventeen-dollar martini). I could go on and on.

I also met Sizzle (of course, how could I not! She was working the gig!) and she was just as darling in person as she was when I made her banner. I love meeting internet clients in real life. Speaking of, I met two of the three girls from 3 Giraffes and they still owe me a latte! Dude!

We chatted a bit at the TNT party where I also spotted Avocadoh who gave me some top-secret designer information which I will never share!!!! It’s good to know people who work at Dreamweaver, that’s all I’ve got to say. CC and I bebopped around that party for a while. I think the longest conversation I had was with some guy who works at Sea World and was there for the Sesame Street thing. What a cool job! He was about to give me some inside info on getting free Sea World tickets but he conveniently got called away on a phone call. Hmph. I finally gave up on him and forced CC to go with me to Starbucks for a cup of coffee.

I’m just not a night person.

Who else…there are tons more people!!! (by the way I’m on day TWO of writing this)

I met Karen from Chookooloonks when we went on the shutterwalk through Chinatown. Actually, I think I met her earlier at Guy’s party but I really got to talk to her during the shutterwalk. She’s someone I will be following from now on. Same with Lucrecer. She was so nice to introduce herself to me. I loved it that a few of you readers came and found me. I’m sorry that I was a dork most of the time but what can I say. I’m keeping it real.

There was Abbey who I had a good discussion with about red wine vs. white (RED!!) and Ariel who we kidnapped and forced to eat cheeseburgers with us at the cheeseburgHer party sponsored by Alpha Mom. That was fun.

I really really wanted to meet Isabel from AlphaMom because she has been instrumental in my career as an illustrator AND a mom. I didn’t think I could do it but she has helped me pull it off multiple times. Not to mention she’s a GREAT customer.

I never told you guys the story of how she called me during my throes of early motherhood and wanted to buy all my pregnancy illustrations. There I was nursing and crying (probably crying more than nursing) and she helped me through it, gave me some advice about cutting holes in an old bra so I could pump and type on my laptop at the same time (brilliant!). I thought she was some crazy reader who found my phone number and wanted to buy something for nothing but she turned out to be a mega-business woman who took me seriously as an artist and paid top dollar for my illustrations. I have the utmost respect for her. I have had thoughts of getting on a plane to New York just to meet her but she came here instead so that worked out quite well.

I think I need to wrap this up even though I know I’m forgetting so many people. (Like Debontherocks and Laid Off Dad!! AND AMALAH!!! Oh man! How could I forget them!?!) But my kid is demanding my attention and I will NOT let this post go on for THREE days. This post has to end now.

I’m sure I will be back to edit. Lots and lots of editing. Email me if I forgot you. It’s because I’m an idiot, not because you are unmemorable.

Did anybody make it this far? If so, you are crazy.

I’m home! Home at a last. Of course I’m completely overwhelmed with all the catching up I have to do. If I thought I had a lot of blogs to read before, now I am steamrolled! I met so many people that I desperately want to keep in touch with. It’s going to be impossible. Not to mention my real life is going to steamroll me too.

Right now as I type this (and the munchkin is sleeping blessedly), the mail is cascading off the edge of the dining room table and onto the floor, dishes are stacked a mile high in the sink (thank you Toby), the floor is vacuumed (also thank you Toby but this time not sarcastically), my motley crew of bulging tote bags and stuffed suitcases are sitting in the other room plotting a riot. The cats are noisy and begging for more food. The refrigerator is bare and the milk is going bad. I think my laptop is dying from over-use and too many photos. So I need to spend about a thousand hours processing photos, uploading them and then putting them somewhere else so my laptop can breath again.

I think I’ve been gone too long.

Was it worth it? YESSSSSSS! Toby says I need to write a long debriefing post linking everyone I met and be done with it. I don’t know about all that linking, I’ve probably lost half the cards I collected, but he is right. I do. I know I’ve already been searching the internet over to see what people have been saying about me and they’ve been saying nice stuff. (Everyone is SO NICE!!!) So I need to make an effort to do the same. It’s just going to take a while because I need to peel myself up off the floor and walk around like Flat Stanley getting stuff done.

There is nothing quite like the city of San Francisco. I’ve been here before for a convention and I lived across the bay during college so my fondness of this city is nothing new. In fact, it is old and quite sentimental. I don’t know that I’d want to move here because I HATE that dumb Arctic wind that sneaks through every hole in your sweater but I really like it here. It’s my kind of city.

San Francisco offers all the sophistication and excitement of a big city but it’s crammed into a very small space surrounded by water so you don’t really ever get lost. You can walk and walk and walk but you’re never going to end up completely directionless in a vast asphalt jungle of industrial parks like a lot of other cities.

It doesn’t have the endless sprawl of Los Angeles that wafts on forever through scary neighborhoods and blankets of smog. If you get lost here, you can just walk a few blocks and you’ll recognize something: the water, some big monumental building, a train track, a cable car, maybe that same bum you heard yelling at you earlier when you arrived via BART. I just don’t feel that scared here.

Let me clarify that. I don’t feel that scared here in the daytime. If I had to drop out of an airplane and land in some big city, I’d pick San Francisco. Even over Paris.

So you can imagine how glad I was when Angella of Dutch Blitz told me about this guided “shutterwalk” put on by the shutter sisters. Basically you just walk through the city and take photos but you’re in the safety and comfort of a bunch of other crazy photo snappers. I’m not sure if it was on the official blogher schedule. I think it was but I lost my schedule five minutes after I got it. Anyway it was fantastic. Possibly my most favorite thing of the whole convention.

I consider myself pretty hardy. I manage to keep up with a toddler who wakes up at the crack of dawn and then I stay up super late working on freelance projects all night. I sometimes take three walks a day and push a heavy stroller up and down hills. I carry groceries upstairs all by myself and I do the laundry (at a laundromat) that is a major pain in the neck. I might not run marathons or anything but I rarely complain about being tired.

So how is that a two-day conference of just sitting and talking and sitting and eating could exhaust me so? It’s not like I danced the night away at any of the parties either. What was my deal? Did I burn that many calories from flapping my mouth off all day long? It boggles me.

I was talking to Whoorl about it and she figured it had something to do with having to be “on” all the time. It must be mentally taxing to always be thinking of something witty to say. I have to agree with her. Even though I was not stressed out by the many many interesting conversations I had and I enjoyed myself immensely, I was more than ready for this convention to be over. It just wore me out! I have never wanted to go hole myself up in a quiet room more than I did on that second day.

And that is why this little walk to Chinatown was the best thing ever. I would strongly recommend it. I always forget how much better I feel after a breath of fresh(ish) air and a brisk walk.

Plus, I’m always up for a good adventure. Our guide was excellent. She took us down narrow alleys hung with laundry and decorated with graffiti. We ducked into a fortune-cookie factory the size of a closet and I paid fifty cents to take this picture.

I only wish I had a few more quarters to try a fresh hot fortune cookie. They smelled divine. Maybe next time. I’m definitely going to try and find that place again. More importantly I’m just going to try and remember that I need walks like this. It did me good.

The rest of my photos are here and everybody else’s are here. Come take a little walk with us!